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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29314299">Time Lapse of an Island</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/5wans_Kenobe/pseuds/5wans_Kenobe'>5wans_Kenobe</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abandonment, Ahsoka Tano Gets a Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Romance, Time Travel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 09:08:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>43,879</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29314299</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/5wans_Kenobe/pseuds/5wans_Kenobe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Worn down by years of solitude, Ahsoka Tano cannot resist the pull of Gaunilo Island. The safe haven for Force Users offers her the home she isn’t sure she wants or deserves.</p><p>A giant shoutout to lirallya for her kind help on every single chapter! 💙</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ahsoka Tano/Original Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Ahsoka Tano Fanfiction</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>The victors reigned over a kingdom of rats. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>The Guide checked her makeup in the fresher of the spaceport. It was passable, not great. She touched up her eyebrows and redrew the lines. Slowly, she looked from side to side, making sure the brown contacts weren’t too obvious. The rigid hood of her dark cloak was uncomfortable but necessary. It <em> would </em> be enough to get her through security. <em> You can find the Deveron portal again; you can find anything. </em></p><p>She was handed a mask and gloves at the gate. The shade of lavender seemed too bright and festive for a quarantine zone. The smell of disinfectant permeated the air. There was a hiss on the speakers which broadcasted safety guidelines in a series of languages: No foreign plants or animals were allowed of any kind. Luggage must be searched. No weapons. No food or liquid of any kind. Make sure to keep your identification visible at all times... </p><p>Lines formed at each of the spaceport’s security checkpoints. The Guide got in line behind a large, disorganized family. They bickered with each other while their bags were searched and paperwork checked. They were transferring to Kelada and couldn’t find the father’s ID. By the time they were cleared, the elderly human security officer looked exhausted. She offered her ID and the guard didn’t even glance up as he began filling out her paperwork. The disinfectant fumes were irritating; her right contact felt like it was going to slide out of her eye.</p><p>“Race?” The security guard typed onto a datapad, hitting each key slighting too hard. </p><p>“Twi’Lek,” she answered casually. </p><p>“If you say so, Tano.” His thumb tapped nervously.</p><p>Her spine stiffed and she glanced around in alarm. <em> Where were the exits?  </em></p><p>“What age do you want me to be putting down on this form?”</p><p>She was too shocked to answer.</p><p>“I’ll just put down 30, to be safe but I’d say you could pass for a lot younger. Not quite sure how you’ve managed that cuz we’re about the same age.”</p><p>Her memory jolted and she suddenly recognized him. He’d been a groundskeeper on the Temple’s maintenance staff and a friend of Master Piell. She’d watched them play chess in the garden. </p><p>“My gods, you escaped!  Are you OK? Do you need help?”</p><p>“I’m just fine.” He shook his head slightly and his eyes lit up with a smile. “You’re just the same as ya always were. You’re worrying about others when you’re the one in danger. Don’t be worried about me, Tano. I’ve got a good life here. Bought myself a little farm with 72 apple trees.”</p><p>“Are you on the East or the West side of the river?”</p><p>“Ah, ya know Tikaroo?”</p><p>She nodded.  “I hid out here for a summer, a long time ago. Orchard Lane.”  It had been years but it still physically hurt to think about it.</p><p>“That’s just a couple streets over from us. I married a nice Twi’lek gal. He winked at her. “A real Twi’Lek. We’ve got 3 boys and 7 grandbabies. You’re welcome to visit but knowing you, I suspect you’ve got other plans.”</p><p>“I’m trying to get into the mountain.” The Guide whispered.</p><p>The guard pretended to study the identification paperwork. “The Eedit Temple? That’s been gone for years.”</p><p>“Last time I was here, there was an entrance by the ruins.”</p><p>“Not no more. The First Order tore it all down to make a prison. You don’t want to go there, Tano. They do experiments on the inmates.”</p><p>“I’m looking for something left over from the temple. It’s important.”</p><p>“Oh, I don’t know much about what’s left in that mountain.” His voice dropped lower. “I can tell you this: there was another one just like ya and he went in there. Never did see him come out.”</p><p>Her voice dropped to a whisper. “A Jedi?” </p><p>“Nice looking Lothal kid. But I can’t say I recognized him from the Temple.”</p><p>Her heart soared.  <b> <em>He </em> </b> had been here. She <em> was </em> on the right track. “How long ago?”</p><p>“My youngest was still living at home so it was about 10 years ago.” </p><p>The Guide adjusted her cloak. “He went into the prison?”</p><p>“He said he was looking for something from the old Eedit Temple, same as you. He must have found what he was looking for. The First Order would have made a fuss about it if he’d been caught.”</p><p>“Thank you. The Guide smiled. “I can’t tell you how much you’ve helped.”</p><p>“I do what I can. Now make sure ya go through the metal detector on the right. It hasn’t worked for years. And Tano, prison maintenance staff has a real high turnover cuz of the working conditions. A strong looking gal like you could get hired on the cleaning crew if ya showed up when the change shifts at 8.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, I don’t remember your name?” </p><p>“Let’s keep it that way. Like I said, I like my life here,” he said with a small smile.</p><p>↹</p><p> </p><p>Chaillot Prison was a hellhole. As the security guard predicted, The Guide was hired on the spot and set to work cleaning bathrooms and mopping. Prisoners were shipped in from across the the Core Worlds and the Inner Rim. </p><p>Poorly lit and strangely organized, the prison had been built over the old Jedi Temple. Instead of knocking down walls, Chaillot Prison had added tunnels in all directions as it expanded. The prisoners were divided into two groups: those who participated in science experiments and those who buried the resulting dead. The Guide was relieved not to share a common language with most of the inmates. Suffering was so much easier in silence.</p><p>Every day there was rain and every day there were vast amounts of mud to clean. She seemed to have free access to the tunnels and passageways. As long as she was mopping, no one asked questions.</p><p>There <em> were </em> lots of scientists at this prison. Holdouts from a different age; when the Imperials had deeper pockets. Now the scientists were part of the prison system. Experiments were done below ground, in the tunnels of the old Eedit Temple. </p><p>On the second day, she found <strong> <em>it</em> </strong>. The lights had burnt out at the end of a partially caved-in tunnel. The Guide could feel the shift in energy as she stepped over a pile of rocks. </p><p>She could tell from the carving on walls that she was in part of the old temple. There was the outline of a door, sealed and silent. She smiled thinking of the joy of entering a temple door. All the wonders that must lay beyond that door for padawans and their masters. That time had passed for her. She belonged to no one and no one would ever belong to her. </p><p>She studied the walls and floor. Using a small light, she searched the floor and wall. Finally, she found what she was looking for behind a partially caved in altar: a mosaic of a sun and two moons. It wasn’t majestic or brightly colored like the other portal entrances but, to The Guide, it was beautiful. The palette was grey, brown, and shades of tan and reminded her of Tatooine. Her heart ached looking at the mosaic’’s binary suns. Too many memories, too much pain. </p><p>It wasn’t clear if anyone at the prison knew about the mosaic or its significance.  The Guide could feel the Force pulsing behind it: the portal was calling out to her. It wasn’t marked in any way but it couldn’t be a coincidence for it to be this near a research facility. </p><p><em>Was this portal in use?</em> There were faded footprints nearby but she couldn’t tell if they were recent. <em> Get over yourself. It isn’t like an elevator that tells you if it’s in use, going up or down. </em>She had been taking chances with her life for years. There was no one to stop her and no one to remind her that her life was worth preserving. The Guide ordered herself to enter the sacred space. She reached out and opened herself to the Force. </p><p>↹</p><p> </p><p>Entering a portal into the expanse of the World between Worlds was always jarring. Voices echoed, ebbed, and flowed. Familiar voices both kind and cruel. It was better not to listen. Too many times, she had been stopped by a voice or a moment of happiness. Doorways showed important moments in her life: Plo Koon finding her, the Gathering, being chosen as a Padawan, victories, defeats, deaths, battles. She wished it would a glimpse of an ordinary day for a change. Banality would be a welcome change of pace. She passed a doorway onto her first arrival to the island. The Guide could almost hear the crash of waves and feel the overwhelming lull of its protection. She wanted so badly to fall to her knees and crawl into the memory. </p><p>She needed to keep looking; she needed to find him.  The Guide stopped to rest. It could have been hours or years.  <em> She had to keep moving. Or did she?  </em></p><p>She passed a doorway in time. <em>He</em> was there, it was really <em>him</em>. She could see him from a distance but there was no way there in time. He was racing after a young Wookiee. She couldn’t stop him or else they would both die. They had to be allowed to escape. </p><p>The Guide kept going and going. So many moments, so many doorways.</p><p>She found him again after what felt like an eternity. She stepped out of the portal, into the doorway. They were on a pier near a nameless sea.<em> It was him. </em>His face was the only thing the Guide could be sure of, in the middle of this dateless world that stunned her with its affluence. Around them, people were dressed in fabulous materials: silk, pressed cotton, velvet. Everything was so clean; the smell of candy floss floated through the breeze. </p><p>He was dressed in a blue linen suit, tailored and unlike anything she had seen him wear before. She followed him. It was so easy to follow in his wake. People in this peaceful city moved at a different pace than she was accustomed to. Little girls with red ribbons on their dresses. Old men without the wounds of war. </p><p>The Guide touched his sleeve and he turned around to look at her. He was taller now but she could still see the boy she’d known. His hair was long again and he had grown a beard. She could not make herself speak; words would not form in her mouth. The Guide knew she was crying, scaring him. He still smiled because Ezra always smiled. He said something that sounded like, ‘I’m fine. You can go.”</p><p>By the time she recovered from the shock, he was gone.</p><p>↹</p><p>She staggered back into the portal. It was inside a pretty mosaic by the pier. A picture of peacetime children. Real children with real smiles. Bright and cheerful, the Force buzzed from within the picture, calling out to her like an old friend. </p><p>The Guide was not strong enough to stay in motion any longer. There were too many doorways, too many faces, too many cities, and ports and cobblestones and churches. She had found him and she had failed, again. </p><p>She knew her weakness was accepting death. There were the ones she could not save, the ones she loved most dearly. Her friends were gone. She could feel the fabric of time pulled tightly around their deaths. The roots from their tragedies ran too deep to dislodge. </p><p>The faces, the Temple, the cries for help echoed through the World Between Worlds. She slumped down before a doorway, unable to tear herself away from the sounds of suffering. The Guide gathered her strength and stepped into a doorway to the Temple on Coruscant. She didn’t have to check the date; she knew exactly what day it was from the screams of terror.</p><p>↹</p><p> </p><p>Grief overwhelmed her and she took her charges into the portal. They retreated to the only place she could count on: the island on Kashyyyk. </p><p>The trip to the lovely forest planet flooded her heart with warmth and thundering shame. She was breaking the rules she had made for herself. She was always welcome here but there were conditions.</p><p>The transport dropped them off at the coastal town of Wartaki. They found themselves beside the statues of the 4 Wookiee Clans which stood silently guarding over the shoreline. It was sunset and the fishing boats were coming in for the night. Families were packing up blankets and toys after a day of leisure. Wookiees shook the sand out of their fur. No one noticed a tired Togruta with three small children in tow.</p><p>The Guide could see the Wartaki Islands shimmering in the distance.</p><p>“Is that <em> our </em> island?” Sors asked.</p><p>He was 7 and the only one of the children who was still able to speak. The other two were in shock. The Guide wasn’t sure if she should be concerned about Sors because he was holding up so well. She put a hand on the other children’s shoulders. They had been traveling for days. The Guide focused her energy and reached out through the Force to summon help. </p><p>“Nella, what are the three pillars of the Jedi Order? She forced herself to be cheerful as she rubbed the little Nautolan girl’s shoulders. </p><p>“The force, knowledge, and self discipline.” Sors answered for his friend.</p><p>“Good, good. What are the seven lightsaber forms of the Jedi Order?” She was only talking to Sors at this point but it was important to keep talking because they had no food, no comm link and the smallest child, Nella, was starting to shake.</p><p>By the time the boat arrived, an hour later, even The Guide had given up talking.</p><p>↹</p><p>The boat sputtered toward them, loudly breaking through the roar of the waves. The captain tilted the engine up and ran straight into the shallow water. It was an antique boat; military issue with two battered pontoons. Manned by Kip, an Ongree who ran boats between islands. He was the only ferryman who knew the way to Gaunilo Island. Maris, the caretaker of the island, had freed him from a horrific enslavement long ago and he had been on her payroll ever since. </p><p>Kip gave them protein bars and apples. The Ongree ferryman hummed to himself happily. The Guide smiled at him gratefully; he was always nicer than he needed to be.</p><p>“It’s been a while.”</p><p>“Has it?” The Guide was suddenly worried. She had no idea what year it was.</p><p>He squinted at her. “It’s been 3 years but looking at you, I’d be more likely to guess 3 days. Right, Oaka?”</p><p>The children looked up at her, confused. </p><p>“Aye!” Kip’s voice rose over the sound of the motor as the shoreline disappeared. “The first group of kids she brought here must be 16 now. Those little ones couldn’t say her proper name so they all called her Oaka. It just stuck.” He winked. “To the galaxy, she’s the great Ahsoka Tano but to us, she’s just Oaka. Oop, we’ll be coming up on Gaunilo Island soon!”</p><p>The children peered out at the wide sea, seeing nothing but water on all sides. The captain turned the boat in seven wide circles. They crossed the waves of their own wake. Under better circumstances, Ahsoka knew the children would have loved the bumpy ride.</p><p>“Not so fast Kip! They’re really worn out.”</p><p>He laughed. “She always says that but we have to do the 7 circles every time. It’s the boss’ rules, not mine!” </p><p>“Is <em> she </em> here?”</p><p>“You know I can’t tell you that, Oaka. Rules are rules.” He cut the engine off. </p><p>The sudden silence made her head throb. He turned to the children who were huddled together, glassy-eyed. </p><p>“Anyone going to Gaunilo Island has the same rules, even our mighty Jedi friend.” He handed out black blindfolds. “For the rest of your trip, you travel in darkness.” </p><p>“Ahsoka?” Sors gripped her hand, terrified.</p><p>“It’s OK. Remember what I told you: Everything is going to be OK.” She tied the blindfold behind her montrals. “From here on out, you are going to be safe, I promise.”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The opening quote is from Chris Marker's La Jetée. I hope the World Between Worlds isn't too confusing! I wanted this space to feel odd and abstract.</p><p>Would love feedback from readers!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>To wake up in another age meant to be born again as an adult. The shock would be too great. </b>
</p><p>They had arrived in the dark. Kip pulled the boat up onto the shoreline but The Guide had still gotten soaked trying to lift the shivering children over the pontoons. Clattering and banging their way into the dark beach house, Kip helped her heft the children inside. They groped for light switches and deposited the tired children onto couches. Ahsoka was grateful beyond words to finally be safe. When Kip disappeared into the darkness, she locked the door and fell asleep on the carpet.</p><p>She woke to the quiet rhythm of waves. Every bone in her body ached as she struggled to a sitting position. She stood slowly, testing out her strength, measuring her pains and tears. The children were still sound asleep; best to let them be. Unable to locate her boots, the Guide limped barefoot to unlock the massive wooden door; stepping out to greet the spectacular view. Sky, gently rolling waves and an endless expanse of sand dotted with the seashells of a new day. Although she had been visiting the island for 10 years, the beauty of Gaunilo never ceased to amaze her. </p><p>The Guide stepped out onto crescent shaped beach, her feet sinking into the cool morning sand. A nail had punctured her boot on the journey to the island and the pain was exquisite. She gritted her teeth and remembered what Plo Koon had taught her about pain: <em> The cure for pain is in the pain. </em> Her toe throbbed as she put weight on it. <em> Keep moving forward </em> , <em> little Soka. </em> She could almost hear his voice here amidst the waves and gulls. <em> There is no other way but forward.</em></p><p>The beach house was nestled at the foot of a rocky cliff. Steps had been carved into the rocks, weaving up to the massive estate which consisted of 12 white washed villas nestled on three large terraces. A century ago, the island had been home to a small monastery of Wookiee monks. The caretaker of the island had left several of the original structures intact and added new, modern buildings. </p><p>The first terrace housed dormitories, the second terrace consisted of a series of meditation gardens and on the top terraces, the school’s flat modern buildings were settled further away from the cliffs. </p><p>She stared up the cliffs at the caretaker’s villa at the far edge of the cliff, trying to determine if her host was on site. Curtains were closed, blocking the ultra modern façade’s large windows. No signs of life. Then she noticed the blue and white striped towels hanging on the porch railing. This was the signal that the island’s caretaker, Maris, was present. She grimaced looking at the wound on her toe and the steps she would need to climb.</p><p>The Guide slipped into the courtyard of the private residence. She knew she didn’t need an invitation but she still felt like she was trespassing. The rear of the L-shaped home opened up towards the generous garden. Dozens of circular windows in the house’s façade made up the most interesting visual feature of the home, bringing natural ventilation indoors during the day and adding ambient lighting to the outside walkways at night. </p><p>The caretaker was sitting in a lounge chair in the shade with a blanket covering her legs. As Ahsoka approached, Maris brushed her blond hair out of her eyes and set down a datapad filled with spreadsheets. </p><p>“Oaka! It’s nice to see you. I heard that a boat arrived last night.”</p><p>The Guide smiled to herself. She had no doubt that Kip had contacted Maris before letting them on the boat last night. She bowed deferentially to her host. “I came up as soon as I could.”<br/><br/>Maris studied the Guide’s worried expression. “How many children did you bring with you?”</p><p>The Guide looked down, swallowing hard. “Three. I’m sorry. I should have asked first. I shouldn’t have assumed -”<br/><br/></p><p>“It’s fine. We’re equipped and glad to have them. It’s just -” Maris sighed heavily. She touched The Guide’s arm until her old friend looked up at her, making eye contact . “I don’t think it’s right. Their graves have been marked. Their lives have all been mourned. Their families are gone.”</p><p>“Yes, I know.”  They’d had this conversation before.</p><p>“What you’re doing isn’t good for the fabric of time.” </p><p>“They’re just children.” Ahsoka countered.</p><p>“And it’s not good for you. You need to find a way to move forward with your life, Oaka.”</p><p>The Guide looked around her at the garden, the sea, the immaculate house. Nothing had changed in her absence. The waves rolled in and back out in an eternal loop. In the corner of the garden, A tiny tooka-kitten peaked out at her curiously from wilting grape vines. </p><p>She could hear the distant voices of students as they spilled out of the dormitories. Maris followed her gaze with a kind smile. </p><p>“Don’t worry Oaka. We’ll take care of your new younglings. You have my word.”</p><p>“Are you here alone?” Ahsoka tried to sound casual. </p><p>“No. I’m not.” Maris’ expression was guarded. “But you should get back to the beach house before those little ones wake up.” With that, her host returned to her spreadsheets; Ahsoka had been dismissed.</p><p>The Guide felt her shoulders relax as she breathed in the clean sea air. The children would be safe here. Maris would ensure their safety as she had many others over the years. Over the years, Ahsoka had brought 25 Force sensitive children to the island. The oldest ones were almost grown now and helped care for the younger ones. The Guide had come to the island for weeks at a time but never considered it home. She had no real home, no place in history. </p><p>Before she descended the steps, she turned to steal another glimpse of the caretaker’s house. There were seven chairs arranged on the balcony. Her heart skipped a beat. Why was the whole family there? Maris caught her eye and Ahsoka rearranged her features into a frown.<br/><br/>“Maris, I’m assuming you took my boots?” she asked evenly.</p><p>“They’re being repaired as we speak. Your cloak is gone as well but there were too many burn marks; I don’t think it can be repaired.” </p><p> </p><p>↹</p><p>The Guide had met Maris 12 years earlier through The Resistance’s underground network: Fulcrum meeting Fulcrum.</p><p>The Guide had been wary of trusting unknown contacts but she was desperate this time. She had flown to the agreed upon location, a seaside bar on the resort planet Iloh. The breezy beach town of Iloona was an awkward place to hide out with her long robes and tall boots. The Guide found herself wishing she’d requested another meeting place like an abandoned mineshaft or bombed out airstrip. </p><p>The bar was called Cobalt Grove and advertised outdoor seating and a multi-layered blue cocktail called a Wave and Sea. Choosing an outdoor table with a grass skirt, Ahsoka ordered the special without looking at the menu. Looking around as she waited, she noted the local inhabitants had grass-green hair and didn’t seem to wear shoes. The Guide tucked her own feet under the hem of her long, white robe and shifted uncomfortably in her seat. The waiter set a blue drink the size of a fishbowl in front of her at the same moment Maris sat down across from her. </p><p>The Guide had expected an aging pirate or a gangster not a tall, elegant blond woman in her 6th month of pregnancy. </p><p>Smoothing her linen tunic over her stomach, the blond smiled as she whispered the security phrase: “By the light of Lothal's moons.” </p><p>“You’re Maris?” Ahsoka whispered.</p><p>“That’s one of my names. And you’re The Guide? It’s quite an honor to meet you.” She smiled warmly. “You’re far younger than I expected.“</p><p>Ahsoka wasn’t in a position to explain her youthful appearance. “You’re younger than I expected as well. And you’re pregnant?”</p><p>Maris’ hand rested on her stomach. “My fourth child. I’m finally having a girl.”</p><p>The Guide smiled, surprised by the warm nature of her new ally. She allowed herself to glance at Maris’ wedding band and large, yet tasteful diamond earrings.</p><p>Maris didn’t shy away from the Guide’s watchful gaze. “You need my help?” It was more of a statement than a question.</p><p>“I need a place to hide,” Ahsoka spoke softly.</p><p>“You’ll be safe here on Iloh . Do you see the hotel with the pink sign - The Cloudspin Hotel? I can set you up with a room there. It’s very nice. They have meditation lounges, kayaks, room service and bonfires on the beach. Whatever you need.”</p><p>“It’s not just me.” Ahsoka answered too quickly.</p><p>“How many?”</p><p>“5.”</p><p>Maris didn’t react. “That’s a lot.”</p><p>“It would help so much if you could take even 1 of them? Please?” Her voice shook. </p><p>“We’ll take them all. But we will need to relocate to somewhere more secure. There’s a landing strip in the North end of town.”  Maris took a notebook out of her large straw purse. “Make a list of what you need and I’ll make sure everything is ready. We’ll leave at night. Until then, you all can rest up at the hotel. Get some sleep.”</p><p>“I’m afraid we’ll attract attention.”</p><p>“This planet is for the wealthy, the First Order isn’t watching for Rebel Forces.”</p><p>“It’s not why you think. They’re just children. They’re - they’re Force users.”</p><p>“5 children?” Maris sat back in her chair, stunned. “Of course they are all Force Users. I should have guessed it would happen like this.” She shook her head in total wonder, a wide smile slowly lit up her face. </p><p>“Is this OK? Can you find a place for them to hide?”</p><p>Maris' face shifted instantly to a serious expression. </p><p>“It’s absolutely fine. I have the perfect place for them.” Maris inhaled deeply. <em> This was exactly how it was supposed to happen.  </em></p><p>The Guide ushered the 5 children toward the pink and mint green beachfront hotel. She carried one on her back and one in her arms. </p><p>“Here, let me help you.” Maris approached her. Just as she was reaching for the child in The Guide’s arms, 3 young men appeared beside her. The Guide gripped the children closer.</p><p>“It’s OK,” Maris kept her voice steady. “These are my sons.”</p><p>Maris’ oldest looking son moved toward Ahsoka slowly. </p><p>The Guide stumbled as she saw lightsaber clipped to his belt</p><p>“You’re safe,” he whispered. “It’s safe here.”</p><p>20 minutes later the children were sacked out in what appeared to be the lobby of an elegant hotel. Maris was speaking to an elderly hotel concierge. They went over the list Ahsoka had made. </p><p>The Guide turned to Maris’ sons as she tried to keep the children from rolling off the lobby couches.</p><p>“I don’t understand what’s going on. I didn’t know there were Jedi left.” Ahsoka asked the oldest looking son, named Saffin.</p><p>“We were trained by my mother.”</p><p><em> “Maris </em> is a Force User?!” </p><p>The Guide stared at Maris across the lobby in utter confusion. A breeze blew gently at the hem of her linen skirt. She tucked her blond hair behind her ears as she stuffed protein bars into her large purse. </p><p>“But who trained your mother?”</p><p>“Well, that’s a complicated question.” Saffin stared directly into her eyes, as though he was trying to solve a puzzle. “You have an incredibly appealing face,” he said softly.</p><p>She was frozen in place at his compliment. She studied his deep, black eyes and quiet smile. She did not say it out loud but she liked his face too. </p><p>Maris gestured at them to follow her, calling them over. “Right this way!”</p><p> </p><p>↹</p><p>They were en route to an unknown destination. The Guide has chose to trust Maris but she could not relax; her feet tapped out an unknown rhythm. There was a physician aboard who was not introduced by name, an elderly Mon Calamari who reminded Ahsoka of Master Brant. The 5 children were sound asleep. She smiled as the doctor attempted to check them for injuries as they dozed at all angles on the freighter benches. Maris helped soothe them as their limbs were carefully checked for shrapnel. </p><p>Ahsoka noticed immediately that Maris’ sons did not give her a head to toe assessment like most men she had encountered in her life. There was no appraisal of her appearance, no judgment. They looked directly at her face with an openness that was almost alarming.</p><p>Maris had offered the information that her husband was from Kiffu as a way of explaining why her children looked nothing like her. They were all tall and thin like her but had bronze skin and bristly black hair. They also sat unnaturally close to one another. Ahsoka knew this was a Kiffar trait but it was still odd to see three enormous young men squeezed into a transport bench meant for two.</p><p>Wipolo, the youngest at 16, watched everything simultaneously. His round dark eyes darted around the room even as he sat perfectly still. It reminded her of Anakin and was more than slightly unnerving.</p><p>Harry, who was in his final year of prep school, had a more comfortable demeanor. He stretched out his long arms around his brother’s shoulders. Harry smiled at Ahsoka as though they were old friends. He didn’t make a lot of eye contact but when he did, she felt as if he knew a wondrous secret that she hadn’t yet discovered about herself.</p><p>And then there was Saffin, the oldest, who just stared. His dark, intelligent eyes didn’t leave her face for a second. He had recently completed his college degree, in a subject she’d never heard of, at the Royal Academy on Coruscant. There was a tension between Saffin and his mother that she couldn’t quite read. He spoke about continuing his studies but it seemed clear that Maris did not approve of his plans.</p><p>Saffin’s constant stare embarrassed her at first and then The Guide began to feel something else. She found herself centered by his gaze. And she started to stare back. </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The opening quote is from Chris Marker's La Jetée. </p><p>Maris and her children were in my previous works, Falling Rain, In Between Days and, most prominently, in Blood Test. </p><p>She is the wealthy, secretive and extremely protective mother of four children. </p><p>Would love feedback from readers!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>A peacetime morning. A peacetime bedroom, a real bedroom. Real children. Real cats. Real graves.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>By the time Ahsoka managed to limp down the steps, the beach house seemed smaller. A tray of tea and pastries had appeared on the low driftwood table. The children slept undisturbed but The Guide knew it wouldn’t last. Sunshine and hunger would wake them soon. Then the questions and tears would begin.</p><p>Ahsoka reached for a roll and then stopped herself. The food was meant for the children; they needed to eat. </p><p>“There’s more than enough for everyone.” Maris stood in the doorway.</p><p>“How did you get here so fast?!”</p><p>“I don’t have an injured foot. Please, for the love of gods, eat something. You need to take care of yourself. At least put a bandage on your toe.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t need a bandage if someone hadn’t taken my boots.”</p><p>“You chose to come to this island so you’re choosing to follow my rules. You <em> will </em> be cared for here whether you like it or not.” Maris handed her a stack of clothes. “Take a shower, you smell like a bantha.”</p><p>Ahsoka shoved a bite of meiloorun roll in her mouth and nearly swooned. </p><p>Maris grinned happily. “They’re good, right? We have a new chef from Felucia. He’s a genius.”</p><p>“Is Master Ha still here?”</p><p>“Yes and she’s worse than ever. Have pity on me and take her job, Oaka. I’d love an excuse to get rid of her.”</p><p>“I’m too old.” </p><p>“You look 30, tops.”</p><p>“I’m 75 years old, Maris.”</p><p>“That’s mathematically impossible. I have a copy of your birth certificate. The real one and the fake.”</p><p>Ahsoka stuffed a large hunk of roll in her mouth and had to press her lips together to stop herself from making an indecent noise. “Oh gods, that’s amazing.” She hesitated, looking down at the sleeping children. </p><p>Maris smiled, “I’ll watch them. Take a break.”</p><p>The Guide didn’t know what to say so she headed into the shower. She never had the right words to thank Maris - there were too many things to say. </p><p>As she closed the door, she felt like crying. Everything suddenly felt too close to the surface. </p><p>She studied her reflection in the bathroom mirror. It was easy to monitor her features and ignore her overall appearance. Being in the World Between Worlds had altered her aging process. She didn’t see her face as young or old. Her eyes were tired but unlined. Her lips were full and wide but her jaw ached from holding back too many words. Maris had told her that she looked 30. Who had she been at age 30? She had been Fulcrum then, hadn’t she? Her own history seemed so unimportant.</p><p>She wondered what Saffin looked like now. Her heart ached thinking of his face. She remembered how his dark eyes flashed over hers and lit up his expression. His handsome face shifted with every micro expression. She’d loved the slight creases that formed between his eyes when he was concentrating or stressed. The tiny, minute lines fascinated her. They seemed to disappear as quickly as they formed. Had those lines etched themselves permanently?  </p><p>Ahsoka considered whether to throw her black jumpsuit in the clothes hamper or hide it. Maris was likely to evaluate its worth and it was unlikely that it would pass muster. It didn’t flatter her figure, flattening her breasts and bunching loosely on her hips. Did it matter if it went in the trash? she wasn’t even sure if she liked it? She snorted when she realized that the clean clothing Maris had handed her was a nicer version of her jumpsuit; better materials and a sleeker fit.</p><p>She wore her underwear into the shower, scrubbing them before letting them fall to the bottom of the shower. Besides the wound on her toe, there was a large bruise on her shin, and couldn’t lift her right arm above the shoulder without pain. She washed quickly, allowing herself to briefly enjoy the pleasure of hot water and the thick bar of coconut soap Maris always provided. She remembered the 4-minute rule for showers and made sure she was done with a minute to spare.</p><p> </p><p>It would be a matter of moments until she was spotted by the children of the island and she would have to be cheerful and positive. She had a role to play here and it was as big and bright as ever. She was <em> Oaka</em>.</p><p>↹</p><p>“Maris, I want to thank you for everything-“</p><p>“Saffin tried to contact you,” Maris interrupted. “He tried to find you. He left notes for you here and on Iloh.”</p><p>“I know. I’m sorry if I caused him pain but I did what I thought was right.”</p><p>Maris’ placid expression registered pain. “I hope you didn’t make any decisions because you were worried about what I’d think. I know I was critical because you were his teacher.”</p><p>“His abilities were always beyond me. He never needed my help.”</p><p>“I put you in such an awkward position. I didn’t have the skills to train Wipolo and I stuck you with the other two because they were so depressed and I didn't know what to do with them.”</p><p>“Your sons are strong with the Force.”</p><p>“My daughter just turned 11. I was hoping you’ll work with her.”</p><p>You’ve been training her?”</p><p>“I’ve tried without much success.”</p><p>The Guide allowed herself to smile. “Oh Maris, that doesn’t sound good.”</p><p>“It’s not. I'm glad you’re here,  Ahsoka.”</p><p>“It’s good to be on solid ground.”<br/><br/></p><p>A noise rose from the couch. Ahsoka looked down to see Nella, the Nautolan girl, was sucking her thumb.</p><p>“What do you think, Oaka? Is it time to wake them up?”</p><p>The Guide sighed. “It’s showtime.”</p><p> </p><p>Sors looked up at her and his face went pale as he remembered where he was. </p><p>“I want to go back to the temple.” </p><p>“The temple is gone. I’m so sorry.” Ahsoka patted his back. </p><p>Nella began to cry.</p><p>The third boy was silent. She thought he might be part Chiss with stick-straight black hair and reddish-tinged eyes that never met hers. The Guide still didn’t know his name and wasn’t sure how to ask. </p><p>“Oaka! Oaka!”</p><p>Running down the beach, the children of the island swarmed her. They crowded into the doorway of the beach house. She was swept up in waves of hugs and kisses. All 25 students surrounded her, touching her face and montrals. The little ones pulled at her hands and the larger ones hugged her and tried to tell her all of their news at the same time. Tears pooled in her eyes. </p><p>“Why are you crying, Oaka?” Gungi, a teenage Wookiee, warbled.</p><p>“I’m not crying; I’m just so happy to see you.”  She allowed herself to be hugged. It was the first time she had been embraced in three years.<br/><br/></p><p>↹</p><p> </p><p>A distant bell chimed and the students ran off, scurrying up the steps, past them. Ahsoka noticed a girl with bronze skin had remained in a beach chair. “Who’s that?”</p><p>Maris sighed heavily. “That’s my daughter, Winnie. She hasn’t quite made peace with our move here.”</p><p>Ahsoka was confused. Maris’ family vacationed here; sometimes staying for a week or two. The notion that they had moved here on any permanent basis struck her as strange.</p><p>“Winnie,” Maris called. “You heard the bell. Please go up and join your class. Your teachers will wonder what’s become of you.”</p><p>Winnie shot her mother a dirty look and slowly started up the steps. </p><p>↹</p><p>While the new children timidly ate, Maris went straight into tour guide mode. “I’m Maris Navarre and I’m happy to welcome you to Gaunilo Island. At its widest points, Gaunilo Island was about 11 miles long and about 7 miles wide.”</p><p>“Who else lives here?”</p><p>“We own this entire chain of islands. It was purchased it from the Wookiees 45 years ago. Guanilo is the largest of the islands and the only inhabited one. The other islands are smaller and the entire area is considered to be a protected wildlife reserve.”</p><p>“Are we the wildlife?” Sors asked. Ahsoka felt steadier, he was able to make a joke. </p><p>“Yes, you <em> are </em> a protected species and the entire area is off-limits to visitors. We have sonic cannons that will deter any unauthorized visitors. And cause temporary deafness.”</p><p>Maris took the silent child firmly by the hand and started for the steps. Sora hopped behind and Nella looked up at The Guide with a helpless expression. </p><p>“There’s nowhere to go but forward.” She said, taking the girl’s small green hand in hers. </p><p>“The weather here ranges from beautiful to idyllic, with consistent temperatures and gentle tradewind breezes. This school is the island’s only settlement and that’s not going to change anytime soon.” Maris said smugly. She loved managing the estate and spared no expense to keep it sustainable, secure and self-contained.</p><p>“The focus of this estate is our school which serves 26 students - until today. You will make 29 and my daughter will be our 30th student. We have 3 chefs, a resident physician, three nannies, two crèche leaders and 5 instructors.”<br/><br/></p><p>Ahsoka tilted her head; unsure if she'd heard that right? 5 <em>instructors? There had only been 2 before. </em></p><p>“Besides your daily training, students are welcome to enjoy sailing, kayaking, hiking, and year-round ‘thermal bliss’ weather.”</p><p>“How long do we have to stay here?” Sors asked. </p><p>“You will finish your training here.” Ahsoka said firmly. “And then you will decide where to go.”</p><p>“We can’t go back to the temple?” Sors asked.</p><p>“You don’t want to go back.” Ahsoka tried to sound gentle. </p><p>“It’s not safe there,” the Chiss boy whispered. </p><p>They marched up the first flight of steps. Ahsoka tried mightily to pretend like her big toe does not have a hole in it. <em> Forward, move forward.  </em></p><p>Maris stopped and pivoted the silent child by the shoulders. “This large, rather imposing-looking building is our dormitory.  The historic two-story building is dominated by a columned portico and features a large open community space at the center of a U-shaped building with two sunken, terrace-covered wings.  Open-air pavilions are located at the ends of the wings so students can congregate outdoors in the evenings. It was part of the original monastery which was built long ago. It is equipped to accommodate 56 so there’s more than ample space. It is primarily for providing sleeping and residential quarters but it also houses our main library. Students will all have their own rooms -”</p><p>Nella shot a panicked look up at Oaka.  “I’ll stay with you three tonight,” Ahsoka said gently. </p><p>They moved up to the next terrace. “This is the garden level. My husband, Julian,  is an avid horticulturist. He created the gardens here, which are a source of food, and an experimental laboratory of ornamental and medicinal plants from all over the galaxy. He has experimented with plant species brought from his homeworld of Kiffu and was particularly interested in developing vineyards. We grow lots of fruits and vegetables. Students will help tend the plants each day. </p><p>Sors marveled at the lush flowers. “I had a millaflower plant in my room at the temple. I wonder if anyone will water it? If it doesn’t get watered every day, it will die.” Sors was distracted by a black tooka cat lying in the sun. “Cat! Cat! Cat!”  </p><p>“Yes, we must be mindful of the cats - they do try to make a mess of things.”</p><p>“How many cats are there now, Maris?”</p><p>“12. Four of the little monsters are kittens.”</p><p>Ahsoka couldn’t help but smile - she knew Maris despised the cats but they boys wouldn’t let her get rid of them. </p><p>The top terrace was the school. They reached the top of the steps and emerged in a peaceful, rolling garden. Tall shrubs separated the school from the rocky cliffs. Five buildings were set away from the cliff. Rectangular and thoroughly modern compared to the ancient looking pillars that stood in a circle in the middle of the campus. </p><p>“Each pillar represents one of the trials of a Jedi Knight: Skill, Courage, tests of the Flesh, Spirit and Insight. We mainly focus on the Skill, Insight and Spirit here. There’s more than enough challenges of Flesh and Courage out there in the world.” </p><p>Nella nodded firmly and squeezed Ahsoka’s hand. </p><p>Ahsoka squinted at the strange figure that appeared between the pillars of Flesh and Spirit.</p><p>He was short and stocky with messy hair and an impressively rumpled tunic. Maris’ smile was radiant. </p><p>“Meet Master Aveross! He will be your main instructor.”<br/><br/>“Where did you dig him up?” Ahsoka whispered.<br/><br/>“He’s my latest purchase. I bought quite a few holocrons from the Hutts and they let me buy him too. I think they found him in cold storage on Dantooine. He’s marvelous.”</p><p>Ahsoka couldn’t think of a response. Obi-Wan had categorized Rael as a well-intentioned failure and Anakin had used more vulgar words to describe him.</p><p>Despite his frightful appearance, Aveross engaged with the children easily, peppering the children with questions as they walked into the dormitory. He wanted to know their ages, favorite foods and favorite colors. There is no mention of homeworlds or what manner of horror they were plucked out of. </p><p>↹</p><p>Ahsoka had found Sors, Nella and the Chiss boy hiding in the heating ducts of the Temple. Apparently, they had been on their way to the kitchen for cleaning duty when the screams started. Sors had pulled the group into the vent but not replaced the cover. The Guide knew the death toll. They were the last to be found, killed by clones long after Anakin had left Coruscant. </p><p>Over the years, Ahsoka had secreted 25 children away from the temple massacre. She’d rescued ones who had been killed out in the open, the ones found huddled behind couches and under beds. She had taken the ones who had bravely tried to fight and the ones who had been cut down as they fled. </p><p>There were those she was unable to rescue. Those whose ties to the massacre could not be loosened from the web of time and those whose deaths she simply could not face: the toddlers, the less mobile species, the ones who lived in tanks or in clouds of vapor. Ahsoka told herself that she could not save them all. But those losses haunted her. It was simply too horrible to imagine that someone had really cut down the doors to destroy those fragile lives. If she allowed herself to dwell on their deaths, nothing would make sense again. There would be no more sunshine or light left for her. </p><p>Maris knew this about her and left many questions unasked.</p><p> </p><p>↹</p><p>Maris counted out sheets and towels from the first store linen closet. “Will you go see Saffin after the tour?”</p><p>Ahsoka’s posture stiffened. “He’s here?”</p><p>“Please go see him.” </p><p>“Of course Maris.” She tried to sound calm but she felt like screaming. </p><p>↹</p><p>Out of respect for Maris’ preferences, the Guide wiped her feet at the door; she walked the long hallway in a pair of borrowed slippers. Peaking in the neat bedroom rooms, she smiled remembering how the boys had rarely used their rooms, preferring to fall asleep on the living room couches, reading books. </p><p>She tried to recall how old she was when she’d met them but her own age was a complex math problem. At 32, she had begun entering time portals. Had she lived a normal linear life, she would be 71 but her path through time had not been a straight one. She thought she looked the same as when she’d started. </p><p>Saffin’s bedroom was the second to last. The windows were wide open. The only sounds were the pale blue curtains flapping in the wind and the distant waves.</p><p>The Guide clamped a hand over her mouth, holding back a cry when she saw him. He slept on a wide platform bed. Their bed. He slept on the same blue sheets that had shown sand too clearly. A grey tooka-cat was curled up at his feet. He slept on his stomach, head buried in a pillow. </p><p>It had taken a long time but she had come to terms with the idea that he was not hers. She had forced herself to uproot her deep feelings for him. Looking at the situation from a distance, it seemed like a swirling silent storm. Despite everything she had gone through, her feelings for Saffin had been the greatest surprise of her life. She had been stunned to realize that she was capable of falling in love.</p><p>Saffin shifted, turning toward her, but didn’t wake. She held her breath as she stared at his closed eyes expecting his fluttering eyelashes to open. He was so much skinnier than she remembered. Saffin had always been the thinnest of the brothers but now he was positively gaunt. He’d grown his hair past his shoulders and had the shadow of a beard. <em> He’s so beautiful. </em></p><p>She backed out of his room without a word. Maris was waiting for her in the living room. They looked out onto the beach where younglings practiced forms at the water's edge.</p><p>“The very first children you brought to the island will soon be ready to take their place in the galaxy.”</p><p>“They - they would be safer staying here.” Ahsoka stammered.</p><p>“A group of highly trained force sensitives cooped up on a remote island? That’s a recipe for certain disaster.”</p><p>“Maris, the galaxy is a dangerous place.”</p><p>“I understand. I worry about my own children every day.” </p><p>Ahsoka crossed her arms. “I don’t think of these younglings as my children.” </p><p>“No, of course not, you would never allow anyone to get that close to you.”</p><p>The Guide turned away. Maris’ words stung. Her quiet friend rarely spoke harshly to anyone. Even worse, the Guide knew she was right. </p><p>“Oaka, please don’t leave here without speaking to Saffin. He is struggling.” </p><p>“I don’t know if that’s wise.”</p><p>Maris’ voice shook with emotion. “You owe him that.”</p><p>The Guide bristled. “I don’t owe anyone anything.” She regretted the words as soon as she said them. She owed Maris more than she could ever repay. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”</p><p>Maris nodded calmly. “It is a conversation long overdue. It will help you both to talk. “</p><p>“Yes,” The Guide nodded, feeling trapped. She hesitated. “Is he using again?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“But he’s so skinny.”</p><p>“He's having a hard time. I - I taught him the wrong things. He is using his Force in a way that is damaging him.”</p><p>“Is he still drinking?” </p><p>“No. Nothing. He’s been clean since his son was born.”</p><p>And there it was, laid plain and evenly for her. She had known Saffin had a family but she had avoided learning the details. He had a son; he was a father now. Another step removed from who and what they had once been. She had been stuck in time but he had moved on without her.</p><p>She entered his room again, not trying to be quiet this time. She sat down on the edge of his bed with a thud. </p><p>“You’re here. My gods.” He sat up quickly and put on a pair of glasses. </p><p>“You wear glasses now?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>The Guide gasped softly as he sat up. She had not been prepared to see him like this.</p><p>“You’re so thin.”</p><p>“I am pretty messed up. I’ve made some miscalculations lately with Force Blocking techniques.”</p><p>“That’s definitely unwise.” Ahsoka tried to keep her eyes on his face.</p><p>“I haven’t been able to take care of Mags.”</p><p>“Your child?”</p><p>“My son, Magdalia.”</p><p>Ahsoka’s eyes widened in shock. “You gave your son <em> my </em> middle name?!”</p><p>He looked down. “I wanted - even if I never got a chance to see to you again, I wanted to honor you. If you ever met him, I wanted you to know what you meant to me.”<br/><br/></p><p>Ahsoka was horrified. He had named his child with another woman after her. It wasn’t a romantic gesture, it was the sort of thing you’d do to pay tribute to a teacher or mentor. That was all she had meant to him. It was out of balance. <em> She </em> was out of balance. The blood in her heart pulsed with shame. How many times could she misjudge people? How many times would she set her love on an altar to see it discarded casually by ones she offered herself to? She felt completely sick.</p><p>She trained her eyes on his glasses. “I don’t know what I’m doing here Saf. You seem unwell but it sounds like it’s your own fault.” She didn’t want to comfort him. She wanted him to feel as bad as she felt: discarded, meaningless, insignificant.</p><p>“Things have become complicated for my family, security wise.” Saffin tried to nudge the tooka cat off his feet.</p><p>“The First Order is falling apart. Everything is fine.”</p><p>“Are things ever really fine, Oaka?”</p><p>“Saf, must you always be dramatic?” The Guide turned to leave. “You’ve been well trained. You don’t need me here.”</p><p>She walked out to the balcony. It was a straight drop 20 feet to the tiered garden. An easy leap for her. Far easier than walking out past Maris. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The opening quote is from Chris Marker's La Jetée.</p><p>I wanted to establish the setting without it being too much of a bore. Hope it isn't too much like a travel brochure! </p><p>The addition of Rael Aveross was a little bit of a plot bunny but I sort of love the idea of someone being a failed Jedi but an awesome teacher. I'm hoping to update every Friday - it's good to at least try to have a schedule. Please let me know if you have any thoughts or ideas about the work.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>They are without memories, without plans. </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>Time builds itself painlessly around them. </strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>Their only landmarks are the flavor of the moment they are living and the markings on the walls.</strong>
</p><p>A collection of large sea stacks dotted the horizon. From where Ashoka stood on the beach, the rock formations seemed like ancient sentinels guarding the island from intruders. The furthest out were technically small islands as they were colossal and supported small clusters of trees. Closest to the shore were two mammoth rocks that Maris’ sons had named Dead Dog Rock and No Dog Rock. Dead Dog looked like a mournful spaniel and No Dog was almost perfectly flat on top. At low tide, you could walk out to either but by mid-morning, it required a bit of effort. </p><p>Ahsoka stripped down to her modest black underwear and walked into the ocean. The water was the perfect temperature, as usual. Waves rolled in evenly, crushing into the shore. The constant hushing sound helped her breathe. She concentrated on the delicious feeling of the water cooling her skin, inch by inch as she waded further out. She skimmed her fingers over the surface of the water enjoying the sensation of the waves reaching up to greet her palms. </p><p>It was shallow enough to walk the whole way but as the waterline went past her belly button, she sunk down and swam. It was heavenly to submerge. Her shoulders and neck relaxed instantly as the water held her weight. She kicked off the sandy bottom, pushing herself forward and let herself flow into the harmless waves. As she grew closer to Dead Dog Rock, the sand seafloor turned gritty, then to clumpy rocks, then transitioned to the slime-coated solid crag that reached out of the water to the sky.  </p><p>She was up to her armpits as she waded around to the far side of the sea stack. From the shore, the formation looked solid but the ocean side opened like a narrowed eye to a dark cavern. By afternoon, the cavern would fill with water and sunlight but for now, it was dark and silent. It felt like being on the surface of a distant, lifeless moon. She vaulted up the side of the rock and inhaled the salty air. </p><p>Concentrating on her breath, she discarded her regrets one by one. Shame, self-doubt, pain, happiness, hope, and fear fell like raindrops into the endless sea. She meditated until all she could hear was the sound of waves and her own steady heart. </p><p>Voices reached out to her through the Force but she had no need for them. Anakin’s voice spoke to her as clear as day.<strong><em> “Running away doesn’t solve any problems.”</em></strong> The advice rang true, even if the speaker did not. </p><p>She couldn’t allow memories of her Master to pollute her thoughts. She tried to channel the words she heard into different voices: Obi-Wan, Yoda, even Kanan carried too much pain. Plo Koon was a safer choice as his distant death had felt like an abstraction. </p><p>Her soul hummed as she allowed a vision to fill her mind. It was her first and only Force Vision, a dazzling image of herself leading an army into battle. It wasn’t pride or vanity that warmed her heart, it was the utter rightness she felt when she allowed herself to become absorbed into this vision. She had only recently narrowed down the site of the battle. On the journey to Kashyyyk, she had read news of a conflict brewing on the planet of Josorus. Horashee, the gilded desert city, would be the logical battleground. When these children were settled, she planned to head there. She smiled, filled with renewed purpose.</p><p>Suddenly Saffin was beside her. It was his habit to stand too close, to stare too long. </p><p>He pulled his wet hair off his back, twisting the water out of it. He was wearing a black shirt that clung to his thin chest. “What are you doing here?”</p><p>“I’m trying to hide from you.”</p><p>“You did a terrible job.”</p><p>The Guide felt a blush creep into her cheeks. This had been their spot, out of sight of the school and the caretaker’s house. They had come to this spot often to watch the sun settle into the horizon in peace. It was where he had first held her hand.</p><p>He crouched down and watched the rolling waves. There was nothing abrupt about his movements; he had unparalleled grace. Every gesture was fluid and part of a larger arc. He reminded her of Obi-Wan. Every motion counted. He was part of everything; he was both a capable Force Blocker and the one person she couldn’t ignore in a crowded room. She was fascinated at how unintimidating he allowed himself to be. He always made himself smaller, more compact, leaning in, leaning down, reaching over. Ahsoka liked how he hung back, how quiet and still he was. As he leaned back onto the rock, she remembered how it felt when he leaned into her, how completely taken she had been.</p><p>Saffin climbed further up the rock and stood above her. “You can see Anselm’s Arch from here.”</p><p>“Oh, right.” Her jaw relaxed, supremely grateful he was making small talk. </p><p>“Do you want up?” Extending a hand to her, Saffin’s smile was open and painless. Their memories of this spot seemed to cause him no anguish.</p><p>She frowned at his hand. “No thank you. I’ve got it.” She rose quickly and stood up on her tiptoes, looking out over the waves, trying not to grimace as her toe throbbed in pain.</p><p>They stood together overlooking the ocean. It was easy to forget how tall he was and how silent he could be.</p><p>He gave off no trace of Force energy; not even a ripple in the air. Maris had trained her children in the art Force Blocking. Standing next to him now, she could only feel empty air. </p><p>Maris had cautioned Ahsoka about their Force Blocking when she had started training the boys. The disconnection had made instructing them difficult and it had been her first clue that there was something highly unusual about the family. They were interconnected somehow. The visions and voices that plagued Saffin coursed through Maris as well. On good days, the unwelcome messages came only as whispers. On bad days, she had seen the intrusions drop Wipolo to his knees in agony.</p><p>“How long do you stay?”</p><p>She stared out at the lonely arched seastack. “Not long at all, I’m leaving as soon as the children are settled. I have heard of First Order occupation on Josorus. I plan to offer assistance.”</p><p>“Ahsoka, no.”</p><p>She was momentarily shaken by his concern. “I have received a vision of leading an army against enemy forces.” </p><p>“You believe it to be a true Force vision?” Saffin asked cautiously. </p><p>“Yes,” she answered without hesitation. It was the only thing she could be sure of.</p><p>Saffin reached out and grabbed her wrist. She could feel him reaching through his Force into her mind, reading her vision.  His eye locked into her with an expression she couldn’t decipher. Immobilized, she gasped for breath. </p><p>“Don’t touch me.” She yanked her hand away. </p><p>It was an absolute shock to feel his Force again, even for a split second. When his energy was open to her, it felt like stepping inside a blindingly bright fog. Saffin was so disciplined in Force Blocking that she had only been able to connect to his Force when they were deep in the throes of intimacy. </p><p>He swallowed hard. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to invade your thoughts.”</p><p>“I can’t believe you did that,” she snapped.</p><p>They stood in silence. When he spoke again, his voice was softer. “What did I do to make you hate me?” </p><p>“You didn’t <em> do </em> anything. I don’t hate you.” </p><p>“Are you mad at me?”</p><p>“I’m not mad, Saf”</p><p>“Then why did you-”</p><p>A figure scrambled over the top of the rock interrupted them. Maris’ youngest son, Wipolo, appeared like a ray of sunlight. </p><p>“Oaka!” His boyish face broke into a wide grin.</p><p>“Look at you! You’re huge; you’re a man now.” </p><p>He marveled at her. “You look great, Oaka. Exactly the same. Mom said you’ve been in the portals.”</p><p>“I’ve been everywhere. What about you? Last I heard, you were in college, studying history.”</p><p>“I quit and joined the Resistance.” He turned to proudly show off a large tattoo of the resistance logo spanning his wide shoulder blades. </p><p>“Wow. Where are you stationed?” Ahsoka pressed her lips together, her eyes flashed to meet Saffin’s. It was a long running joke that Wipolo couldn’t keep a secret from her; he would tell her anything she asked. </p><p>“When I joined, we were on Ajan Kloss. Then, after Exegol, Poe moved everyone to Yavin 4. Then I was transferred back to Ajan Kloss.” </p><p>“Where’s your brother?” </p><p>“Oh, Harry’s there on Ajan Kloss too. He’s building planetary shield generators.”</p><p>“Oh wow, how many shields?”</p><p>“Eleven to start out with but there might be more. The first one will be for Ajan Kloos, then Yavin, then Naboo. I’m not sure about the order after that.” </p><p>Ahsoka’s face lit up in wide wonder at the disclosure of what she was sure was highly classified information. “Ajan Kloss, really? Why there?”</p><p>“There’s going to be a Force training center there. Sort of like here but -” He stopped as Ahsoka started to giggle. “Wait, you’re laughing at me?”</p><p>Saffin put an arm around his brother’s shoulder. “Can you believe he withstood being interrogated by the Knights of Ren but all <em> you </em> have to do is ask and he will tell you anything?”</p><p>“It’s safe to tell Ahsoka! She’s like family.”</p><p>Her heart had skipped a beat. “You were interrogated?”</p><p>“I was tortured, well not really tortured but they stabbed my feet and stuff.” He was delighted at Ahsoka’s shocked expression. I was proud, I kept my Force Blocked the entire time. They had no idea.”</p><p>“He also was attacked.”</p><p>“That was the first time, on Exegol. I almost died.”</p><p>“What?!”</p><p>“I was on the ground attack on Exegol. The Knights almost shredded me to bits.” </p><p>“Tell her the best part.” Saffin’s smile was blinding.</p><p>“That’s how I met my girlfriend - in the hospital.” He blushed deeply.</p><p>“Tell her the other best part,” Saffin prompted. </p><p>“Oaka, give me your foot.”</p><p>“Wipolo, my gods! Must everything you say be so weird?”</p><p>Wipolo’s eyes lit up. He knelt before her. “Your foot please.”</p><p>“Fine. What are you-” She was shocked to see a blueish light glow where he touched her instep. “Oh, what the hell?”</p><p>“How does that feel?”</p><p>“Whoa.” </p><p>The blue glow began to sew together the skin on her toe. The soothing sensation was so overwhelming, she had to sit down. Wipolo continued to minister to her foot, concentrating on her toe.</p><p>“How did you hurt your foot?”</p><p>“I stepped on a nail. Everybody steps on nails. Oh gods, That’s amazing.” </p><p>“He’s been learning,” Saffin whispered.</p><p>Ahsoka was knocked back for a moment. The way Saffin spoke so simply, with so much care and kindness behind each word, threw her off balance. She realized she was staring into his dark eyes, grinning like a fool. She stayed lost in Saffin’s eyes for a moment too long before she wiped the lopsided smile off her face. She couldn’t let this happen again.</p><p>“How did you learn to heal?”</p><p>“His girlfriend is a Jedi healer.”</p><p>“What’s the chance you’re telling the truth?” She squinted at Saffin. Unlike Wipolo, he had always liked to make up stories and laugh when she fell for his lies. </p><p>“It’s true!” Wipolo released her foot.</p><p>She delicately tipped her toe against the rock, testing herself for pain. She looked down to see the puncture mark had vanished. </p><p>“Tell her the rest.”</p><p>“She’s a Kenobi.” </p><p>She sighed, rolling her eyes at Saffin. “I don’t know why I ever listen to you.”</p><p>Wipolo glanced down sheepishly and then broke into a heartbreaking grin. “It’s true, Oaka.”</p><p>“Bullshit. I hate you both. I can’t believe I fell for it.”</p><p>“It’s true. I’ll show you a picture. Even better, you'll get to meet her soon.”</p><p>“This isn’t funny. You’re both assholes.” She jumped off the edge of the rock, into the ocean. Without giving them another look, she swam back to the shore. </p><p> </p><p>Back at the Beach House, she showered and changed back into her jumpsuit. There was a plate of snacks waiting for her on the table. As she nibbled on a chocolate and toffee chip cookie, she tried to unpack the conversation with Wipolo and Saffin. Too much information. </p><p>
  <em> A Force training center on Ajan Kloss? What the hell was he talking about? Maybe Maris was creating another safe haven for Force Sensitives. If so, it was an odd location. And why the hell was Harry building Planetary Shield Generators in such a backwater mudhole? </em>
</p><p>The Kenobi remark unsettled her even more. Even thinking about Obi-Wan made her feel like she’d been kicked in the stomach. She had seen his recorded warning, cautioning Jedi not to return to the Temple. She had watched it hundreds of times:</p><p><br/>"This is Master Obi-Wan Kenobi. I regret to report that both our Jedi Order and the Republic have fallen, with the dark shadow of the Empire rising to take their place. This message is a warning and a reminder for any surviving Jedi. Trust in the Force. Do not return to the Temple. That time has passed. And our future is uncertain. We will each be challenged. Our trust... our faith... our friendships. But we must persevere. And in time, a new hope will emerge. May the Force be with you... always."</p><p>She had wept for him, knowing what Anakin’s fall must have meant to him. In the message of the beacon, she had been able to read his pain. There were too many thing that had not made sense. When news of his death reached her, she knew it was a sacrifice. A final gift to Anakin, trying to mend their past. </p><p>Ahsoka puzzled over the oddness of Wipolo having met a healer with the last name of Kenobi. Surely, Obi-Wan had nieces or nephews? She remembered a story he had told her once about going to meet his birth mother on Stewjon. He had been deeply ashamed of himself when he failed to recognize his mother at the Spaceport. She had to wave him down, tears in her eyes. Obi-Wan had tried hard to make up for this moment, staying overnight to meet his brothers and cousins. Ahsoka clearly remembered him saying that the look on his mother’s face, when he had not been able to pick her out of a crowd, was a signal that there was something essentially broken in himself.</p><p>↹</p><p>Ahsoka spent her second night on the island sleeping in the dorms. The older children were full of stories about the overly dramatic Master Ha and the mysterious new Master Aveross. The younger students chattered about the kittens, gardens, and the new cook.</p><p> </p><p>Maris had set up each of the new children in a bedroom but had thoughtfully set up sleeping bags and dozens of pillows in Sors room so they could all stay together on the first night. Ashoka smiled at the Pom Plant on his window sill. It wasn’t the same as his sturdy plant in the Temple, he explained solemnly. In time, it would bloom large fragrant flowers. </p><p> </p><p>Nella, Sors, and the Chiss boy said they wanted to hear war stories but she knew they meant that they wanted to hear Jedi stories. The real stories of war were not for children. At least, not for ones intending to sleep. She launched into the tale of a legendary mission of Master Yoda’s when he was ambushed on Toydaria. He and three Clone troopers had to stand alone against assassin Ventress and a massive army of droids. She filled her story full of details of the droid and arid landscape, dulling their troubled minds with details. In a flash of insight, The Guide realized why Maris inundated children with every feature of the island when they arrived. An overload of information was comforting. The children fell asleep with far away expressions on their small faces.</p><p>She scooped up the unused pillows and returned them to the linen closet. Rael Aveross sat on the floor of the common room. He was putting together a children’s puzzle of a sailboat thrown in the winds of a stormy sea. The picture of gloomy clouds and fierce waves was a contrast to the idyllic moonlight vista over his shoulder. </p><p>She leaned against the doorway. “Master Aveross, how are you liking your time on the island?” </p><p>“I can’t complain too much.”</p><p>“Maris said she rescued you from the Hutt’s.”</p><p>“I was picked up by a bounty hunter on Kuat. I’d been doing some reconnaissance work at their shipyards.”</p><p>You were caught?</p><p>“So to speak.” His eyes sparkled mischievously. “More like, I was caught in bed with the wrong woman.” </p><p>“Oh.” Ahsoka wasn’t sure how to respond. </p><p>“I’m lucky to be alive. Lucky to be healthy.” His nimble fingers sorted the puzzle’s edge pieces into a pile. “Some people go blind being in carbonite so long.”</p><p>“How long were you frozen?”</p><p>“About 60 years. I missed the War. The Purge. The Rebellion.” He placed a piece aside, it belonged to a different puzzle. “But Maris said you were there for it all.”</p><p>“Not all of it. I spent a lot of time in the Portal; the World Between Worlds.”</p><p>“Was that by choice?”</p><p>“I was guided there.” </p><p>“And you went?”</p><p>She nodded. “Yes, of course. What else was I going to do?”</p><p>Yoda had called out to her and she had answered. His voice had come to her and carried her into a deep meditative state. She was to be a Guide for the lost: Force Sensitive that had been separated through space and time. She thought it was the beginning of a closer connection with Yoda but it was the end. He never spoke to her again. She thought he had passed away or been killed. It gutted her to hear, second hand, that he had lived for decades longer on Dagobah. </p><p>It shook her to the core to realize she was not worthy of Yoda’s attention. </p><p>Rael smiled at her sad, lost expression. “They forgot about me too, if that counts for anything. You’re not alone. When I went missing, I don't think anyone looked too hard for me.” </p><p>“They knew I was alive.” She said softly.  </p><p>He handed her some puzzle pieces. “You can do the middle. I’m better at the edges.”</p><p>“What do you think of the other teachers?”</p><p>“I like Zey as long as he’s kept busy. Master Ha is a fright.”</p><p>Ahsoka laughed. “So I’ve heard.”</p><p>“Maris hopes you’ll decide to stay and teach.”</p><p>“This - this morning,” she stumbled over her words. “Maris said there were five teachers. Who are the other two?”</p><p>“Her sons, Saffin and Wipolo. But I don’t think the younger one will stay long. He’s got a Force User girlfriend who wants them to be on Ajan Kloss.”</p><p>She shook her slightly. Maybe they hadn’t been lying today. “What do you think of Maris’ sons?”</p><p>“I’ve only met the two. I hear Harry’s coming to visit soon though.” Without asking, Rael reached over to sort the boat pieces from the raging waves. “Do you know much about their family, Ahsoka?” </p><p>“Yes. I’ve known them for years.”</p><p>“Do you know much about Maris’ history?”</p><p>“No. I mean, I know she has an estranged relationship with her Father. He’s some sort of creep who reaches out to the family through the Force.” </p><p>“That’s a real civilized way of describing prolonged mental torture.”</p><p>Ahsoka felt a twinge of annoyance that Rael knew more about Maris’ family than she did. “Who is their Grandfather?”</p><p>“That’s not my news to tell.” Rael handed her another pile of puzzle pieces. He’d sorted out the sky portion for her, lightning and clouds divided. “You’ll have to ask for yourself.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The opening quote is from Chris Marker's La Jetée.</p><p>I love to write about being in the water and swimming. I hope the loveliness of the island has a chance to shine through. </p><p>Rael Aveross was a late addition to the story but I feel like he's an interesting character who has had good intentions but a checkered past. Considering who Maris is, it seems fitting that Rael is there with her. </p><p>I've always liked the part of the first episode of the Mandalorian where you see all the various life forms, frozen in carbonite. I like to think the Hutt's have a collection of Jedi in cold storage. I hope Quinlan Vos is on ice too.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><b>Sometimes she recaptures a day </b> <strong>of happiness, though different.</strong></p><p>
  <strong>A face of happiness, though different.</strong>
</p><p><br/>The Guide played with her breakfast, poking it over and over with a fork. She couldn’t figure out what she was eating but it was lovely to behold. There were five pastel-colored jelly-like cubes dusted with dry pink powder. She glanced over at Sori, Nella and the nameless Chiss boy as they wolfed down the food without concern. </p><p>She was worried that they didn’t look up at the other children or didn’t seem to respond to the cacophony of sounds in the dining hall. Putting people at ease was one of The Guide’s life long compulsions, an elemental part of her personality that was hard to stifle but today, she stopped herself. In their timeline, these three children had been the last to be murdered in the Temple. They had remained hidden and silent as sounds of shooting echoed around them. It was natural for their personalities to remain partially submerged. </p><p>What would it be like for them? Their memories held a larger piece of the Temple massacre puzzle than any of the other children.</p><p>The oldest children on the island had been removed from their timeline long before the massacre. How did they perceive the concept of safety? The Jedi Purge was only a shocking abstraction to them. She had ripped them away before they had a chance to understand that the Jedi were being exterminated. They had accepted her explanation of events but the Purge carried less weight. It was simply a future they could never live out. </p><p>These new three had stayed hidden in the ventilation shafts for hours before she’d been able to rescue them. From their hiding spot, they’d watched helplessly as Anakin killed Master Cin Drallig. He was always Anakin to her. She refused to call him Vader; in her mind it was important the two identities remain fused. Any separation, even a change of name, felt like she was excusing his crimes. Sors had robotically described Master Drallig’s death: Master Anakin had rapidly slashed the formidable Jedi through the shoulder with his lightsaber. He had been smiling as he killed Master Drallig, carelessly flinging his body on the floor. The children had breathed in the scent of his burnt flesh cauterized by a lightsaber and managed to not scream out in terror. They had heard the Clones debate the best way to dispose of bodies of children. They knew, first hand, how the story of the great Jedi Order ended. Time would tell what their memories of violence would add to the island’s collective. </p><p>As the Crèche Masters gathered students to return to the dorms, the new children lined up silently. Morning routines on the island weren’t as orderly as the Temple but the three were still following old rules. Temple rules seemed only 3 days distance away though they had travelled far into the future. The children stood with their hands at their sides, facing straight forward.</p><p>A chair screeched and Rael Aveross plopped down next to her. He looked a horrid mess with uncombed hair and robes askew. He picked up a dusty jelly cube and popped it in his mouth. The Guide giggled as the pink dust spilled down his beard and onto the front of his robe.</p><p>He looked down and tried to wipe away the dust, further smearing it into his shirt. Suddenly Master Arligan Zey appeared directly behind Rael. He was perfectly groomed with a polished belt, pressed robes and an elegant grey beard. </p><p>Without a word, he swiftly fingercombed Rael’s hair into a high ponytail.  </p><p>“You need to shave.” He ran a finger along the side of Rael’s neck, before kissing his forehead. </p><p>Zey handed him a fork, sitting down across from them. “Civilized lifeforms don’t need to eat with their hands.”</p><p>“You and Zey?” Ahsoka arched an eyebrow. “I thought you were a ‘caught with the wrong woman’ sort of guy.”</p><p>“Eh,” Rael shrugged. “The women were always wrong. Zey’s the right one for me.”</p><p>Zey’s soft grey eyes melted with Rael’s smile. </p><p>⇄</p><p>Ahsoka returned to the dormitory to find Sora, Nella and the Chiss boy huddled together in one room. Maris had given them notebooks and pens but they sat on the floor, staring at blank pages.</p><p>Ahsoka sat down with them. “What are you doing?”</p><p>Nella looked up at her with a confused expression. “We’re supposed to write our memories but I don’t know if we’re supposed to write the good stuff or the bad stuff.”</p><p>“Why don’t we go see the gardens before your classes start? We have time. Sometimes the teachers spar there.”</p><p>The Guide steered the children to the second terrace level which included endless beds of flowers, a fruit orchard, and a vegetable garden.</p><p>As they wound through the walkways, they encountered Maris’ husband patiently pulling weeds and tying up grapevines. Julian Nevarre was the single most handsome man The Guide had ever met in her life. His bronze skin was so similar in tone to his sun streaked hair that he looked like a statue come to life. His face spread into a wide grin as she approached but she could not discern if he recognized her or not. She knew it was entirely possible he did not even know where he was at so she approached him with caution. </p><p>“Hi, I’m Julian Navarre.”</p><p>Ahsoka shook his strong hand. “It’s nice to meet you. My name is Oaka.”</p><p>She was unexpectedly saddened that he didn’t remember her this time. There had been times that he had remembered her and swept up into hugs. But this time, he launched into a cursory introduction with charm and ease as though they were at a cocktail party. Perhaps this was simply his habit now. After years of having his mind wiped by Maris, his reactions to people were often foggy. </p><p>She watched him pull weeds as he spoke, she knew his story well after being introduced to him on so many occasions. He was from Kiffu, from the Konshi clan. He was born off-world and never got around to getting the facial markings of the Kiffar. He met Maris while studying for a botany class and it was love at first sight for him. This part of his story always seemed murky but it was the part of his story Ahsoka always looked forward to hearing. She hoped their love story was at least partially true. It would be nice to believe Julian came into this life of his own free will. </p><p>He invited Ahsoka and the children to go sailing, as he always did. Julian had a nurturing soul and he always made a point to include the new children in activities. She had so many lovely memories of boating and building things with him. Forever tinkering with broken machines, he made underwater respirators, hooked weed trimming motors onto paddle boats, planted gardens and was forever fussing over the island’s stone staircases. </p><p>As Julian happily ambled off, Ahsoka was drawn toward the hum of lightsabers. </p><p>⇆</p><p>In the center of the expansive garden, a spiral of rough paver stones radiated outward.  The ancient Wookiee monks who had first settled the island had quarried the sandstone from the island’s cliffs.</p><p>She was excited to see Maris and Rael were sparring. The Guide motioned for the children to sit down with the older children already gathered on the grass. Maris charged forward, her white blade locked in with Rael’s blue saber. He blocked effortlessly, not giving up any ground. It was not a fair fight; where she was hesitant, Rael was fully engaged. </p><p>Ahsoka could tell that Maris was out of practice, her mind and body were not in balance. She had sparred with Maris frequently in the past. Though reserved and elegant, Maris could be a ferocious combatant and was highly skilled in battle meditation. But today she was easily disarmed by Rael, drawing a cheer from the students.</p><p>As Wipolo and Saffin stepped into the courtyard, Ahsoka realized she was holding her breath.</p><p>She had not noticed the height difference between them earlier. Saffin was 6’1” but Wipolo seemed to tower over him. When he was younger, Saffin had seemed more severe, more savage.  He used to shave his head and wear dark glasses. Now he wore his hair long, the front tied back like a traditional Jedi. His jaw was shadowed by stubble, giving his handsome face a chiseled look. By contrast, Wipolo’s face had retained a boyish quality. His dark eyes were round and his wide mouth was rosy pink like a child. It was unsettling to see him pacing back and forth like a rock lion. She watched with alarm as Wipolo tossed his saber from right hand to left. </p><p>Saffin ignited his saber and whirled it in a formal salute. Wipolo rolled his eyes and answered back with his own blade. Ahsoka’s initial sense of excitement turned to shock as the brothers each put a hand behind their back. After all of her training with them in Ataru, they had reverted to Makashi. </p><p>Her eyes flashed to Rael’s as he and Maris sat down next to her. It was clear by his expression that Rael had never seen the boys spar. </p><p>Wipolo moved with blinding speed. He struck out with a savage blow before backing off quickly to block. He attacked again, but this time cutting into the attack. Their lightsabers locked together with Wipolo controlling the center. Ahsoka’s heart soared with pride to see Wipolo’s superior technique overpowering his more experienced brother. The hum reverberated through the hushed garden. Saffin moved to strike to the side, anticipating his brother’s next move. </p><p>Wipolo blocked from an unnaturally high point and then spun his grip, keeping his elbow close to his chest. <em> What the hell was he doing? </em>It wasn’t graceful but he regained control. In a flash of insight, Ahsoka realized the only other person she’d ever seen perform the odd maneuver was Obi-Wan. She gulped, something had massively shifted in Wipolo’s style. And it wasn’t anything she’d taught him. He was branching out from Makashi into Soresu. His stance widened but his movements became tighter and more controlled. His strict economy of movement was jerky but she realized there was something else at play. He smiled slightly as his fingertips crackled with Force Lightning. He looked to Saffin, who nodded his consent.</p><p>“Go ahead, little brother.”</p><p>“You’ve got me, Saf?”</p><p>“I can block you.” Saffin’s left hand sparked up green. </p><p>Ahsoka reached for Maris, gripping her shoulder. “What is this?!”</p><p>Maris smiled slightly but didn’t turn to meet her eyes. “They’ve been working on this for awhile.”</p><p>“Oh shit.” Ahsoka whispered, forgetting about the nearby children.</p><p>Wipolo advanced Force Lightning at a hypnotically slow pace; she’d never seen anything so beautiful in her life. The chains of light branched out, raining outward horizontally and fading away. Saffin answered back with his own stream of lightning, blocking Wipolo.</p><p>“This isn’t real. This isn’t real,” she said to Rael. </p><p>He turned to her, astonished. “That's the prettiest damn thing I’ve ever seen.”</p><p>She noticed that Maris didn’t seem even remotely surprised. Ahsoka didn’t have to wait long to hear her opinion.</p><p>“I don’t like them using Makashi. Ahsoka, can you work with them on Ataru again?”</p><p>“Maris, they know Ataru quite well. They’re choosing to use Makashi - “</p><p>“Maris,” Rael interrupted. “Thine enemies strengths shall be thy greatest weapon. They have been trained well, you must trust in them.”</p><p>“That’s absolute bullshit. Ahsoka, you were able to train them to stop using Makashi once upon a time. I’m counting on you to train them again.”</p><p>“Maris, that was 10 years ago. Everything has changed.”</p><p>“<em>Nothing</em> has changed and I will not allow my children practice the one technique that is guaranteed to ensure their swift execution.”</p><p>Without another word, Maris stormed away.</p><p>⇆</p><p>A month after The Guide had first met Maris, she had been summoned to Gaulino Island.</p><p>“I need you to train my children.” </p><p>Ahsoka looked at Maris’ three large sons, sitting jammed up together on a deck chair. Wipolo’s eyes roamed over the beach like a predator. There was something amiss about Harry’s posture. He still held the same warmth in his eyes but he seemed defeated. Saffin had shaved his head. He was wearing dark sunglasses and an odd, fringed scarf. There was a wildness to him. </p><p>Saffin waved at Ahsoka and she felt compelled to wave back idiotically.</p><p>“Maris, they’re too old to train.”  Ahsoka answered too quickly. “Saffin just graduated college.”</p><p>“He’s only 22. He skipped a grade.”</p><p>“But still, he’s an adult. Ahsoka didn’t want to add that she wasn’t sure if she could be alone with him. “And - and Harry’s going to be 19!”  </p><p>Maris was silent for an uncomfortable pause. “They need help. I’m afraid that I have done an inadequate job. I’ve taught them the wrong things.”</p><p>Ahsoka was shocked by desperation in her friend’s voice. Maris stared straight ahead as she spoke, roundly pregnant and exhausted looking. </p><p>“Saf has fallen off the deep end. And Wipolo is too powerful for me to train,” Maris whispered. “I don’t think I can manage on my own.”</p><p>Ahsoka began to work with them the next day. They’d been schooled in Makashi which was a nice change of pace. Maris spoke of deficiencies in their training but she could find none. They were dangerous. Strong, well tuned into the force and highly competitive.</p><p>If she had been younger, she might have been a better teacher. But by the time she met Maris she was no longer the optimistic Commander of Rebel forces. She was a silent guide walking alone between worlds; a Guardian for Force users separated from each other through space and time. The concepts of having meaningful individual relationships, being a teacher, cultivating friendships, building trust, hope, idealism were hard to muster. </p><p>Wipolo was an exceptional student. He lacked ambition of any kind but his connection and understanding of the Force was remarkable. She encouraged him to read prophecies and watch the collections of holocrons Maris had tucked away in the island’s library. Obscure concepts resonated with him and he enjoyed learning the history of Order. He was an excellent duelist and was committed to learning. </p><p>Harry, on the other hand, wasn’t committed to anything. Freshly graduated from high school, Harry’s heart was in turmoil. Before the family’s most recent move, he had made the choice to wipe the minds of his school friends, his girlfriend and instructors. The family relocated often and the Guide could tell it bothered Harry more than the other children. Despite his heartache, Harry was physically strong and a quick learner. He didn’t have Wipolo’s sharp connection with the Force but he was charismatic, remarkably bright and fun to teach. </p><p>Saffin was a terrible student. His connection to the Force terrified the Guide. She had never seen anything like it. The family’s Force was linked together in an odd way to their estranged Grandfather. The boys seemed linked to him through their Mother but Saffin’s connection ran on full blast. Whoever their Grandfather was, his memories washed through Saffin’s mind in vivid waves, overpowering his senses. </p><p>Throughout his life, Saffin’s teachers and doctors had misdiagnosed him as mentally ill. Maris had to stand back and let doctors predict a grim future for her eldest son, as the truth was never an option. There was no hiding Saffin’s issues and very little Maris could do to help her son. She meticulously taught her children to block their own Force energy but there was no protecting them from the constant outreach of their Grandfather. </p><p>In his early teens, Saffin had turned to alcohol to block out the connection to his Grandfather. By the time he finished high school, he had graduated to a wide range of drugs. Maris had sent him to a series of rehabilitation centers but nothing seemed to help. </p><p>The Guide was sure the timing of this training effort was no accident. Maris was pregnant, the family was moving to Batuu, Harry was in despair after losing all of his high school friends, Saffin was fresh out of rehab and Wipolo was getting stronger by the day.</p><p>⇆</p><p>Wipolo bounded over to Ahsoka. “What did you think?”</p><p>She wiped her eyes. “I don’t know where you learned that but it was incredible. I’m so proud of you. But I think your Mom was pretty upset about the Force Lightning”</p><p>“She’s not upset about <em>that</em>.” </p><p>“She isn’t?”</p><p>“Of course not; who do you think taught us how to use Force Lightning?”</p><p>Ahsoka searched the garden for Maris. She was on the far end, arguing with her daughter. Maris yanked a paperback novel from Winnie’s hands and marched her down the steps.</p><p>“Wanna spar, Oaka? Two against one?”</p><p>I’ll take a rain check. And we’ll work on some Jar'Kai.”</p><p>Saffin’s dark eyes lit up. “No way we can hurl Force Lightning at you if our hands are full.”</p><p>“Exactly. I like a fair fight.”</p><p>↹</p><p>Wipolo and Ahsoka entered the courtyard of the caretaker’s house to meet Winnie for her first training session. She wasn’t sure what to expect with Maris’ youngest child. Would she be gifted like Wipolo or easy going like Harry? The latter possibility seemed unlikely. </p><p>They stopped outside the yard at the sound of crying. Wipolo grabbed Ahsoka by the elbow and motioned her to be quiet. Anyone else would have received a swift kick to the stomach but she stopped in her tracks. She spied Maris braiding her daughter’s wavy brown hair.</p><p>“Ow, Mom! You’re hurting me!”</p><p>“Well, if you’d hold still, I would have this side done.“</p><p>“Mom, I don’t want to train with Ahsoka. Can’t I just train with Wipolo? He’s probably a hundred times better than her.”</p><p>Wipolo covered his mouth, trying hard not to laugh.</p><p>“No, Winnie. You <em> will </em> train with Ahsoka. This was arranged before you were born.”</p><p>“I don’t want to be a Jedi.”</p><p>“You don’t have to be a Jedi but you still need to train.”</p><p>“Harry doesn’t have to do any of that stuff. He gets to be normal.”</p><p>“Harry is in no way normal and he already did his training, <em> without </em> complaint I might add. He trained with Ahsoka and became proficient in dueling.”</p><p>Ahsoka frowned at that statement. “Harry was a great deal more than proficient at dueling. He was an absolute beast,” she whispered to Wipolo.</p><p>“Mom, I want to go back to Batuu. I miss my friends.” Winnie’s voice broke with emotion.</p><p>Wipolo stared down at Ahsoka, his eyes filled with an aching sadness. She understood, without words, that Winnie’s friend’s memories had all been wiped away. It was unlikely they would know her if they passed on the street. It was part of the moving process for the family, </p><p>“Maybe just Daddy and I could go back?”</p><p>“I’m sorry honey, it’s not safe to go back to Batuu. Quit moving your head, I'm finishing this braid.”</p><p>“You could wipe my memory? I don’t mind.” </p><p>“Oh Winnie, I can’t.”</p><p>“You do it on Daddy all the time.”</p><p>“Sweetheart, I would wipe your mind if I could but you’re too strong with the Force.” Maris explained patiently.</p><p>“No, no. I’m - I’m more aware of my Force now. I could concentrate. It might help you wipe my mind.”</p><p>“Honey, I can’t.”</p><p>“Please Mom? Please try?”</p><p>“OK. I’ll try.”  Maris’ voice became formal. “You will forget you had rice milk jelly for breakfast.”</p><p>Wipolo’s hand tightened in Ahsoka’s as Winnie broke into sobs.</p><p>“It didn’t work. I hate being like this.”</p><p>Wipolo led Ahsoka away from the house. “Maybe you can start tomorrow with Winnie? </p><p>Let’s give her some time to adjust.”</p><p> </p><p>↹</p><p>Ahsoka stood at the water’s edge. The waves were stronger today. She could feel the sand rushing away from under her feet as the water ebbed back to the ocean. She loved to count the number of waves that reached out to her and how many receded before touching her toes. As the sand shifted beneath her, she moved to her right, creating a series of hollows. She smiled peacefully as each wave pulled away, only to be replaced by the next. The ocean was timeless; it would carry on without her. A hundred years from now, the foamy waves would continue to roll on and on. </p><p>Saffin appeared by her side like a ghost. Despite the oddness of his Force energy, he was the most present lifeforce she had ever encountered. He was never distracted, never lacking focus, never staring anywhere but directly into her eyes. </p><p>“Hi Oaka.”</p><p>“Hi yourself.” His soft linen shirt flapped in the breeze, revealing a heavily inked stomach. She crossed her arms, trying not to stare at him. </p><p>“What’s your tattoo?”</p><p>“It’s your name in 10 languages.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“It goes down all the way to my thighs.”</p><p>“Wow. Wow. That’s irresponsible. Were you high at the time?”</p><p>He laughed. “Very, very high. I did it when you didn’t show up on Iloh.”</p><p>The vastness of the ocean beckoned her forward but she was frozen in place. His wide lips parted slightly, she allowed herself to remember their softness. </p><p>She had been so hopelessly in love with him that she had considered moving to Gaulino Island with him. She had proposed they take a month to decide what they truly wanted to do and reunite in Iloh, where they had first met. The day had come and gone without her. She had gone into the time portals and not returned. Saffin had started drinking again. Ahsoka buried away the shame she felt for contributing to his relapse. </p><p>“Sooooo, someone could read your stomach and they’d know that we were connected somehow?”</p><p>“I thought that if I died with your name written on my body, maybe someone would know to tell you that I cared.”</p><p>She felt a chill run through the length of her entire body. “That’s pretty dark, Saf. Were you planning to die?”</p><p>“I wasn’t sure. It was on my mind a lot at the time.” </p><p>She knew that she had been wrong about him; her presence here on the island was causing him pain.</p><p>“You can get tattoos removed. I’ve seen advertisements.”</p><p>“Yes, my Mother has reminded me of that quite often. Almost everyday, in fact.” </p><p>“You can hardly see it.”  And yet, Ahsoka couldn’t seem to look anywhere else. “They say the tattoo removal process works really well.”</p><p>“Your name is exactly where I want it to be. ”</p><p>She blushed. He always made her blush.</p><p>“Saffin, you hardly knew me and I hardly knew you.” </p><p>“You’re wrong. I know you quite well.”</p><p>“Who I am changes everyday. Everything changes every single day about everyone. There isn’t a single aspect of a person’s character that’s written in stone. Given the right circumstances,  people are capable of doing almost anything.”</p><p>Saffin was silent. He knew Anakin’s turn to the dark side shattered her faith. He inhaled the salty air and exhaled slowly “And here you are Oaka, once again, bringing lost children to the island.”</p><p>“It must pain your wife to see my name written on your body.” </p><p>“She’s deceased. And we were never married.”</p><p>“Oh. I’m sorry”</p><p>She looked up at Saffin. His heart did not belong to another. It drained her soul to realize how long it had been since she had looked forward to the next day. But she would see Saffin tomorrow and the day after that. As she studied his profile, she longed for the lightness that came from hope.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The opening quote is from Chris Markers La Jetée but I did change the gender of the speaker.</p><p>I’m interested in the concept of individuals being removed from their timelines. The new children know they fled the scene of a massacre but the other children were plucked out of time earlier.</p><p>I’ve always wanted to have a character who lives a life built between memory wipes. I love the idea of Maris having a husband who floats through life, unsure of where he is but not particularly curious about how he arrived there. </p><p>As always, adding Rael Aveross to the story feels like hurling knives at a wall - I am unsure what will stick and what will not.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Nothing sorts out memories from ordinary moments. Later on they do claim remembrance when they show their scars.</b>
</p><p>Ahsoka used to love sitting with Saffin and his brothers on the balcony to watch the sunset. They lit honey-scented candles to cover the stench of Harry’s cigarettes. While they talked, she liked to play with the melted wax. She bit back the discomfort of the hot wax, coating her fingertips, letting them cool, then dipping them again until each finger yielded a flower petal shape to be discarded.</p><p>Her favorite moment was when the sun hovered just over the horizon. When she was down at the beach, the sun seemed to sink between the sea stacks but the view was different from the Caretaker’s villa. </p><p>“One can draw new perspectives from such great heights.” Saffin liked to say.</p><p>Ahsoka wished she had more of his words committed to memory. He tossed away beautiful lines without a thought. She loved listening to the brothers talk about what it meant to connect with people. Or not connect at all. Ahsoka’s upbringing in the Temple had reinforced a comfortable sense of detachment, so the concept of bonding was fascinating to her. Saffin’s brothers had always counted on their close connection with each other but relationships with other people were fleeting.</p><p>The brothers had not grown up around other Force users; they saw themselves as the <em> other </em>. They trusted no one and were secretive by nature. She knew they heard voices and had visions but they would not speak to her about them. She could see a disturbance, like a ripple of discomfort, pass through Saffin’s face and echo through his brothers in visceral reactions. </p><p>She remembered Saffin telling her, “When I was younger I thought I’d spend my entire life meeting people and having amazing connections. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized it only happens a few times.” They had been holding hands at the time and his sad declaration seemed to float past her; a harmless observation like a balloon on a string. </p><p>Harry often spoke about the weight of lies. Harry had seemed like a regular college kid, until Ahsoka got to know him. He was gorgeous, smiled often and tended toward self deprecating humor. But underneath the handsome veneer lurked a vast sadness. When she first met him, Harry had just graduated high school. As they tended to do, the family prepared to move directly after his graduation. He had been close to his friends and had a girlfriend he cared for deeply. The night of graduation, they had gone out drinking and Harry had stayed sober. He enjoyed being with them a final time, kissed his girlfriend by moonlight on an empty street. Laughed with his friends and helped them when they threw up after doing too many handstands. The next day he went to their houses, one by one, and mind wiped their memories of him. </p><p>When Ahsoka asked him if it was really necessary to destroy all their memories, he simply nodded. “Someday you’ll understand why.”</p><p>⇄</p><p>After things had fallen apart with Saffin, Ahsoka had fled from everyone and everything she knew. For six whole weeks, she had pretended to be normal. It was so incredibly nice to pretend. </p><p>She met a woman on Devaron when Ahsoka was buying tools at a swampwater junk shop. The sleepy city of Tikaroo felt like a billion miles away from Coruscant and a billion more miles away from Gaulino Island. For once, Ahsoka wasn’t concerned about money so she rented a pretty white farmhouse on the edge of an apple orchard. She repaired bicycles and farming equipment to stay busy. She didn’t try to make friends but she didn’t avoid talking to strangers. For some unknown reason, she felt safe in Tikaroo. </p><p><em> She </em> was named Braya. Ahsoka liked that Braya almost instantly started referring to Ahsoka as her girlfriend. Braya was a Devaronian furniture designer who crafted custom beds. Ahsoka had never given furniture much thought, especially not beds. But suddenly, having a bed made to suit her seemed like the perfect thing to do. Maris had overpaid her for teaching her sons and paid in advance for her to train the child she carried. It was an absurd amount, more money than made sense to Ahsoka. She knew Maris had paid for the unborn child as a way of securing a future connection. </p><p>Braya was a few years younger than the age Ahsoka was pretending to be. She was lovely to spend time with. Ahsoka hovered around Braya’s studio as her custom bed was being built. They met for tea at a candy shop with red and pink patterned wallpaper, they went on walks along the river lined with stepping stones, they rode bicycles in the rain. Braya talked and Ahsoka listened. It was a relief to just sit and listen. </p><p>Being with Braya was a perfect distraction from the aftermath of her relationship with Saffin. Ahsoka’s past was an open book to Saf. With Braya, there was no past. She was no one beyond the placid personality she claimed. Sex with Saffin altered her physical chemistry but sex with Braya was satisfying like having nice dessert. It didn’t leave lasting marks.</p><p>Braya had a pet cat named Floofy and lived with her parents in a comfortable house. Ahsoka came by Braya’s shop often, helping sweep or just to watch her girlfriend use the fascinating array of carpentry tools with serious sounding names like Lathe or Orbital Sander. Ahsoka’s heart hummed happily when they were together. She didn’t think about the Force, she didn’t feel like the same Ahsoka who spent days frozen in time portals, too sad to stand. She loved the way Braya’s fine white blond hair fell into her eyes. She loved her impossibly thin ankles and the way she dressed; combining sleek black dresses and battered shoes. She was sentimental and kept pictures of everything: family pets, the beds she had built, birthday cakes. Braya spoke poetically, describing her favorite jelly as tasting like <em> ‘quiet rain water’ </em> , and her favorite books as ‘ <em> roadmaps away from myself’ </em>. Ahsoka remembered watching Braya eat pastel pink icemilk with a wooden spoon and thinking how supremely nice it was to simply exist.</p><p>But eventually, the questions came calling and Ahsoka’s lies created a wall between them. She lied about one thing after another. At first it was thrilling. The rush of testing out the way a lie sounded. Was it believable to have attended boarding school on Coruscant? Was her accent convincing? She fashioned her cover story after a cook that had worked at the Temple; an older woman who liked to say, “Enough about me, tell me more about you.”</p><p>And then, like Harry had described, the lies fell like a heavy curtain. Braya discovered Ahsoka’s treasure trove of false identification. Ahsoka could have told her the truth. Davaronians generally respected the Jedi Order and Force sensitives were accepted in her culture. Braya herself spoke highly of visiting the Temple of Eedit as a child. But lying was safer. There was a bounty on Ahsoka’s head and there always would be. She couldn’t stay on Devaron forever. And she sure as hell couldn’t keep Braya safe if they picked up and left. Ahsoka finally understood what Harry meant: she cared for Braya enough to know she could have a very nice life as long as Ahsoka was not part of it.</p><p>And so she left Devaron and never spoke to Braya again. She never slept in the bed that had been so lovingly created for her. It had been paid for in advance and Ahsoka knew Braya would be able to find another buyer for it. The beautiful bed had built would suit another woman just as well as it suited her. </p><p>There was nowhere in time for her that made sense. </p><p>⇄</p><p><b> <em>Each death is a folded star. </em> </b>The Chiss boy had written these words on the cover of his notebook. </p><p>The Guide was hiding out with the children in Sors’ room. Maris wanted the new children to be in classes with the other students but they had balked when asked to hold a lightsaber. It was too soon for them. </p><p>“What are you writing?” The Guide looked over Sors’ shoulder.</p><p>“The names of the ones who died.”</p><p>She peered over the shoulders of Nella and the Chiss boy. They were doing the same. </p><p>“We don’t know all their names. You know the older ones, right?”</p><p>Ahsoka pressed her lips together. “I don’t know them all.”</p><p>“Somebody should make a list. We shouldn’t forget.” Nella’s voice was earnest.</p><p>“It was a lot of people,” the Chiss boy echoed.</p><p>“Did anyone else survive?” </p><p>“A few escaped on their own,” Ahsoka said evenly. “Many were off-world, far away from the Temple.” She didn’t feel up to explaining that they had been killed by their own troops. That would be a lesson for another day. “Including you three, I’ve rescued 25.”</p><p>“Can you save more?”</p><p>“Yes, but it takes time.”</p><p>“Can you save Master Drallig and his padawans?”</p><p>“No. I’m sorry, I tried.”</p><p>Nella and Sors nodded robotically and returned to their lists</p><p>The Chiss boy stared at her solemnly. Ahsoka knew that he could sense her deceit.</p><p>He leaned close to her ear. “Why are you lying? </p><p>“I don’t even know your name,” she countered. She recoiled from the harsh tone in her own voice. </p><p>The Chiss boy returned to his long list. He didn’t look up when she left. </p><p>The cloudy sky blossomed into a downpour of rain as Ahsoka walked out through the gardens. Rainfall on the island was unlike anywhere else she’d ever been; it remained blindly bright as though each raindrop was magnifying the sun. Torrential rain would fall from the sky and then clear away quickly leaving the ground steaming in its wake. She could have sought shelter but the rain felt like a miracle. Instead, she sat down on a paver stone, enjoying the sandstone’s stored warmth. She felt as though the rain had been sent to cleanse her of pain, the universe was delivering the force to her in round raindrops that soaked through her clothes quickly. She held her face up to the sky and allowed herself to be centered. </p><p>Her meditation was brief but deep with purpose. She had been drawn back to the island because she felt safe here. She thought of the children and their list of the dead. Her efforts to rescue a scattering of children felt so monumental to her but it was so few in the grand scheme of things. Thousands had died that day. Why had she only taken so few? </p><p>When she traveled back into time, she could feel certain lives lift like stones. She took the ones most easily moved, young ones who were not bound into their timelines. </p><p>The Chiss boy had caught her in a lie of sorts. She had <em> never </em> tried to save Master Drallig or any adult. She could feel the weight of their souls, the ties to sever but she did not make the effort to remove them. Her reasons, her choices were born from fear of Anakin. She knew what an adult would say, what they would ask her to do. </p><p>She wouldn’t face him again. Their final meeting had been enough to teach her what her limitations were. She was, and would forever be, Anakin’s student. They could face off a hundred times and she would never prevail. No matter the advantage of foresight, she would never risk facing him in the Temple. Drallig, Gate Master Jurokk, Master Shaak Ti - they would want her to stand with them to face Anakin. And they would be cut down where they stood. No other outcome existed.</p><p>Beyond the mortal danger, lurked the absolute terror she felt when she imagined seeing Anakin in the midst of the massacre. She had seen the recordings: he stood proudly splattered in the blood of younglings, his kind blue eyes blazed yellow. He was not yet hidden away behind all the black armor. On that night, he was still entirely himself. </p><p>More than anything else, it gutted her to know she couldn’t stop him. She wanted to matter to him more than any Sith power, more than the Emperor, but she knew that she did not. She wanted to be enough to draw him away from the dark side but she would never, ever be enough.</p><p>He cared only for Padmé. He would burn a thousand souls to save her and her alone. He would gladly kill Ahsoka, he would kill Obi-Wan, he would kill anyone who got in his way. She might be able to survive an attack by him but his indifference hollowed out her bones. </p><p>It should be a consolation that, in time, his son’s love would cleanse the soot from his old eyes. But it still hurt. All their  years together, all of the love in her heart did not matter to Anakin Skywalker. She was as disposable as an old rag.</p><p>When she felt hope torn away from her most deeply, she could only answer back by retreating into the time portals. Reaching out and finding a small soul, a heart that would not slap back at her kindness. Each life she saved was a small payment toward the ones she had lost. So many deaths hung around her shoulders. There was nothing she could tell herself to lighten the load. </p><p>⇆</p><p>Ahsoka knew Saffin and Wipolo were supposed to be teaching but she only found Master Zey under the arbor teaching a lesson on geography. She popped into the dining hall, grabbing a chocolate cookie in the shape of a seashell when she ran smack into Maris. In full caretaker mode, Maris was counting chairs and checking the kitchen’s inventory.</p><p>“I want you to stay at the house with us, starting tonight.”</p><p>Ahsoka struggled to swallow a mouthful of cookie. “No thank you.” </p><p>“I must insist.”</p><p>Ahsoka hated arguing with Maris. It was pointless. She knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt that Maris would win. As the caretaker of the island, she was the authority on what happened on the island and how its inhabitants would behave. Thunder rumbled in the distance as Maris stared her down. Standing in the bustling dining hall, going along with Maris seemed easier than making a scene.</p><p>“Fine.”</p><p>Since her falling out with Saffin ten years ago, Ahsoka had tried to avoid staying at the caretaker’s home. It was too close of quarters, too full of memories. She knew deep in her bones that Maris wanted her at the house to be close to Saffin. More than anything, Maris wanted her children to be happy. There wasn’t an easy way to explain to Maris that she was, in fact, a horrible choice for Saffin. </p><p>Even so, her focus slipped sideways thinking about him. Everything in her mind needed to be reshuffled, reclassified:<br/>Saffin was not married. <br/>His heart did not belong to another. <br/>The mother of his young child was dead. <br/><br/>What had <em> happened </em> to her? <em> Why hadn’t she asked more questions? What the hell was wrong with her?   </em></p><p>The Chiss boy ran up to her and tugged at her arm. “Ahsoka, look! It rained.”</p><p>He was still talking to her. She breathed a sigh of relief. “Yes. It was just a little storm. Sometimes, it rains every day for a few minutes. We call it a rain shower because it is just rinsing off the flowers.”</p><p>Maris straightened her linen tunic. “I’m going to check in on the new chef. We will look forward to seeing you tonight at the house, Oaka.”</p><p>⇆</p><p>Step by step, she walked the three new younglings to the beach. She nearly knocked the Chiss boy over as she herded them down the stairs. They kept stopping and starting; it was driving Ahsoka crazy.  She surveyed the tranquil beach; gentle, curling waves dipped toward the perfect sandy shore. Shovels, buckets and toys had been left out from a previous group. A fading sandcastle awaited them with a moat, filling with each passing wave. She prodded Sors, touching him gently between the shoulder blades. </p><p>“This is what <em> you </em> said you wanted to do today,” she reminded them. They’d waited until the beach was empty, avoiding Master Ha and her noisy class. <em> Why were they being so damn difficult? </em>They were all more than capable of swimming. Nella was stuck on the step, staring fearfully out at the water. Ahsoka’s patience snapped as she took the child by the hand. </p><p>“Why in the devil do you keep stopping? Nautolans love the water. You’re amphibious, for gods sake!”</p><p>Wipolo and Saffin waited for them at the beach house.  Her stomach shifted and she stared openly at the tattoos on his waist; there were blue flowers she had not noticed before. Her heart fluttered. The first time they had held hands, he had told her that her eyes were the exact shade of a blueblossom flower. She remembered tracing the line of his thick eyebrows, peaked at the center, and remarking that his eyes were so dark that they didn’t have a color. That had made him laugh. She loved his laugh.</p><p>Saffin walked past her and she felt her spine stiffin. She forced a breath in and out. His eyes were glued to her, as always. Studying her, watching her, gauging her every reaction.</p><p>Along with his force blocking abilities, Ahsoka could tell Wipolo was doing something else. She tilted her head, perplexed. It was a totally different, totally odd, radiating energy outward, which made no sense. It was a soft edged manifestation of the Force, undefined and slow moving. Her breathing slowed as she allowed his strange influence to cast a slight shadow over her. <em> This was new. </em> It was in no way unpleasant but she chewed her lip, trying to figure out what he was doing.</p><p>The three children seemed to relax by a fraction. The tension remained but the frantic energy was quelled.</p><p>“Hello, I’m Saffin and this is my brother Wipolo. We’re going to help you out with swimming and then later, we’ll see if you want to come to class with us. We’re going to be your teachers.”</p><p>“Do you own the island?” Nella asked shyly. </p><p>“Our Mother is the Caretaker of Gaulino Island.”</p><p>“Are you Jedi?” Sors’ eyes kept returning to the water, nervously.</p><p>“We’re pretty close.” Wipolo’s voice was so soft. </p><p>“Were you at the Temple? Did Ahsoka save you too?”</p><p>Saffin’s eyes locked onto Ahsoka. “No, she didn’t save me.” He took Nella’s hand. “Let’s start by getting your feet wet. Just your toes and try to gradually go deeper into the water.”</p><p>They each took a child by the hand and tried to wade into the water. The Chiss boy yanked his hand away from Ahsoka.</p><p>“No!” He kicked water at her angrily.</p><p>He stomped back to the water’s edge and Sors shrank away from Wipolo. Nella’s eyes darted out to the water as her small features crumpled into tears.</p><p>“Oh, I get it. I see what’s bothering you.” Wipolo smiled. He pointed to an object that was floating away toward Dead Dog Island.”You’re worried about that ball. Hang on, I’ll get it.” </p><p>He dove in and swam rapidly toward the ball. He was an incredible swimmer. Wipolo swam back with the ball in his mouth like a dog. When he was waist deep he threw the ball to Saffin who offered it to Nella. </p><p>Her small green face relaxed into a smile. Ahsoka felt the Chiss boy reach for her hand again.  She smoothed his black hair out of his eyes. “You were concerned about the ball?” </p><p>“I was scared. I didn’t want it to be lost.”</p><p>Ahsoka was so proud of Wipolo. “You’re very observant of your students.”</p><p>“Thank you.” He winked. “I, myself, was lucky to have had a very good teacher.”</p><p>“Gods, you sound like Harry.”</p><p>“I’ll take that as a compliment.”</p><p>Saffin beckoned them out a little further so they could kneel in the water. “Try to splash water on your face like you’re washing it.”</p><p>His foot brushed against hers underwater and she didn’t move out of the way. He didn’t react at all as their feet rested together for a moment.</p><p>“Next, try to blow bubbles! Whoa!!” Saffin cheered as Nella dove underwater, keeping the ball gripped tightly in her hands. </p><p>⇆</p><p>Maris was standing on the balcony, watching the beach with military grade binoculars. She handed the binoculars to Ahsoka. “Look at my daughter, she’s such a jerk.” </p><p>Winnie was sitting on a beach chair with a towel draped over her head while her classmates did balancing exercises with Rael. </p><p>Ahsoka handed the binoculars back. “Is she reading or something?”</p><p>“Gods, she’s driving me crazy. I hope you have better luck training her than I have.” </p><p>“I’ll figure something out, I promise.”</p><p>Maris nodded, continuing to stare at Winnie.</p><p>“Did you want to talk to me about something else, Maris?”</p><p>Maris looked in both directions. “Wipolo?!” She called down the empty hallway. “Saffin?! Julian?!” There was no response. </p><p>“I think they’re all at the beach now. Julian is getting the sailboats ready.” Ahsoka could see Saffin gather up younglings into a straight line. He was a natural at teaching.</p><p>“Lock the doors please, Ahsoka.”</p><p>Ahsoka frowned as she turned the rarely used locks. When she returned, Maris had a datapad on the table. She tapped angrily on the keys and pulled up a video file. She scrolled through what looked like hours of footage of the mainland tourist area of the Wookiee town of Wartaki.</p><p>“Kip, our boat captain, heard there was an older human male wandering the streets of Wartaki. The man ended up in the hospital. Kip’s sister-in-law works there and called him in to translate. They couldn’t understand him at first.”</p><p>Ahsoka stared at the screen; rainy black and white security footage showed a figure slowly limping down the street.</p><p>“He said didn’t remember his name or how he got there. The doctors checked to see if there was a physical or mental issue which required treatment," Maris spoke softly. “They discovered he’d been shot. The doctors looked for clues to the man’s identity. He had no datapad, no identification, no money. But he did have a small tattoo of the Jedi Order.”</p><p>In the security footage, the lost man turned toward the light and Ahsoka could make out his face. She gasped. It was the guard from the Devoran Spaceportal. </p><p>“How - how did he get there?”</p><p>Maris’ eyes narrowed sharply. “So, you <em> do </em> recognize him?”</p><p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>She has spent her life trying to understand the function of remembering, which is not the opposite of forgetting, but rather its lining. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>“This isn’t safe, this boat is too small,” Ahsoka tried to yell over the boat’s engine. It didn’t matter what she said or how loudly she said it, Maris was ignoring her.</p><p>They tore through into Wartaki Harbor in a fishing boat that belonged to Julian. It had blue and white striped cushions and an engine made of scavenged parts. There were fishing poles resting in the bottom but they were just for show; the bait box was filled with pink peppermint candies and lemon drops. Julian and Master Zey frequently took students out to hunt for pet turtles and explore the tidepools on the far side of the island. Even the boat’s anchor was cheerful - painted with the stripes of a bumblebee. </p><p>They bounced over a large wave as they headed into Wartaki Harbor, jarring Ahsoka out of her seat. <br/><br/>“Gods Maris, slow down! This is a no-wake zone.”</p><p>Maris shot her a sharp look as she slowed the engine.</p><p>Ahsoka tried to warm her arms against the cool morning air. “I don’t think this is as bad as you think.”</p><p>“It is <em> exactly </em> as bad as I think it is. Some Guard followed you here through a time portal!” </p><p>Ahsoka didn't know how to respond.</p><p>“He was a gardener at the temple!” She shouted into the wind. She knew Maris didn’t hear her words but there was no point in repeating them. Ahsoka couldn’t believe she had trusted him. Having faith in people, simply because they were on your side, was childish. She should have known better.</p><p> </p><p>↹</p><p> </p><p>Maris stood on the docks, staring at the jetty in the distance. The Guide crossed her arms, waiting for her friend to lead the way. </p><p>“Are we waiting for Kip to meet us?”</p><p>“No, we’re going to meet him at work.”</p><p>All around them, the motors of fishing boats rumbled and gurgled to life.</p><p>“Maris? Maris?”</p><p>Maris had turned to look up at the sky where faded vapor trails criss-crossed the morning sky. </p><p> </p><p>“My Mother was murdered.”</p><p>“What?!” The Guide knew very little about Maris’ mother. There had been references to vast wealth, a distant relationship, layers of secrecy.</p><p>Maris swallowed hard. “Then three people were murdered at the medical clinic where Wipolo’s girlfriend works.” She turned to Ahsoka, twirling her finger in a circle. “It was my Father. He - he killed them all.”</p><p>Ahsoka knew Maris wouldn’t reveal her Father’s identity; that question was off limits. “Is that why you’re living on the island now?”</p><p>“Wipolo had been a patient at her clinic. We know my Father has a sample of Wipolo’s blood but it’s too old to test for midichlorians. He’ll know he has a grandson but at least he won’t know how powerful he is.”</p><p>They watched as two older Wookiees untied a rowboat from the small wooden jetty. Each one took an oar and they started to row out into the harbor. They worked in unison, matching each other’s strength. The dipping oars created small whirlpools that spun away from the boat, disappearing into nothingness.</p><p> </p><p>Maris turned back to her. “This island is the only thing I’ve ever been good at. I can’t let anything happen to it.”</p><p>“We won’t let anything bad happen.”</p><p>“I hope not. Now fix your hood Oaka, this town is apparently covered in low-end security cameras.”</p><p> </p><p>↹</p><p> </p><p>The resort town of Wartaki was designed to appeal to the young. Bars with cute names like Sandy Bar, Swaying Palms, and Slush Fund lined the streets. Owners swept the sidewalks as souvenir shops opened their doors. Soon, beach going families would fill the streets. Shuttle boats ran between the mainland and the nearby Wartaki Island’s popular beaches for snorkeling and cliff diving. Families with children filled the mainland beaches with their beach blankets and rented umbrellas. </p><p>Ahsoka was always careful on Kashyyyk. As a recognizable figure in the Clone Wars, she knew there were undoubtedly older Wookiees who would recognize her face. Maris had helped her sponge over her lekku and facial markings carefully with orange makeup and wore a stiff hooded cloak to obscure the points of her montrals. She knew she looked weird but it was a small price to pay for anonymity. <br/><br/></p><p>↹</p><p><br/>As they watched a transport of Wookiees pass, she thought about her old friend Chewbacca. Like her, he had outlived so many of his friends. She wondered how he viewed the passing of his human companions. They must seem like a single page in a longer book. Did he feel like a guardian to them as they passed through their brief lives? What was it like to know generations of humans, watch their bodies age, and fall away from you? Time was measured out differently when you lived for centuries. </p><p> </p><p>Chewbacca had fought beside his friends, retired back to Kyyyalstaad Falls, and returned to the Resistance to fight again. Ahsoka hoped he had returned home once again to his family after the fall of the First Order. Everybody deserved a bit of peace. </p><p>She had last seen Chewbacca twelve years ago when he had assisted them in locating Gungi’s family and helped them navigate the strange process of letting them know their son was still alive. Of all the children she’d rescued, the young Wookiee was the only one with a living family. Many had been orphans to start with, like Ahsoka, or their parents had died in the wars or simply of old age. Maris viewed Gungi’s family connection as a security risk. She was worried that the school and the safety of the students would be exposed to outside scrutiny. </p><p>Gungi’s family, it turned out, would turn the galaxy on its side to see their beloved son again. 55 years had passed since they had mourned his death. His village swore an oath of secrecy and Ahsoka knew their word could be trusted. </p><p>She had accompanied Gungi to his village’s burial grounds. His family welcomed her with open arms and allowed her stay to help undo the sacred ritual of burial. They came together, under the rain, to perform the rite that would repair the web of time where it had been broken. Members of his clan were laid to rest high up in the trees; their bodies wrapped in blankets and their bodies lashed onto the branches of tall wroshyr trees. As Ahsoka looked up into the canopy of trees, she could see bundles large and small occupying dozens of branches. It was explained to her that entire families were placed in the same tree, so the relatives could easily talk to the dead.<br/><br/>Gungi’s body had not been recovered so his Mother had sewn a fur doll to bury in his place. Ahsoka watched as Gungi and his Father climbed up the great tree together, cutting down the bundle that bore his name. His father carried down the burial shroud and Gungi carried the doll that had, for so many years, taken his place amongst his ancestors. For the rest of her life, she would hold dear the image of Gungi carrying his doll down the tree and returning it to his Mother’s arms.</p><p>↹</p><p> </p><p>Maris and Ahsoka waited outside the bar where Kip worked, The Sun Down. Kip was still inside, cleaning the wood tables with beeswax and rose oil. They sat on the brightly painted patio. Everything had been painted in shades of yellow, pink, orange and red. The tables and chairs were sized to Wookiee proportions, making Ahsoka feel like a toddler. The table came up to their shoulders. The waitress offered them booster seats, like children. Maris nodded in thanks.</p><p>“I do <em> not </em> want a kiddie chair.” Ahsoka hissed. </p><p>“You’ll be so kind as to not offend our Wookiee hosts while I’m trying to make sense of this convoluted situation.”</p><p>The waitress handed them glasses the size of their heads. </p><p>“I can’t drink wine. I haven’t even had breakfast.” </p><p>“Get a hold of yourself. You’re on Kashyyyk; you <em> are </em> going to roll with it.” Maris hefted her drink with two hands, clinking glasses with Ahsoka. </p><p>“Bottoms up.” Maris took a sip, wincing. </p><p>“My gods, that’s repellant.” </p><p>“It tastes like dish soap,” Maris agreed. “Just take a drink - they’re watching us. Now tell me, from the beginning, about this Spaceportal Security Guard.”</p><p>Ahsoka sighed heavily. There was no port arguing with Maris; she had already decided the Guard was dangerous.</p><p>“Maris, he owns an apple farm on Devaron. He has a family.”</p><p>“So do I,” she snapped. “And an island to protect.”</p><p>“I just meant that I’m sure he didn’t mean to end up here -- this far away from his wife and kids. He-he’s probably just trying to get home. I mean, he’s twenty years in the future, on Kashyyyk.”</p><p> </p><p>Maris lowered her voice. “Exactly. That’s what makes it even scarier. He probably didn’t want to come here. And If he didn’t come here under his own free will, then that helps to explain how he got shot. He probably came here with someone a lot scarier than him. And they shot his worthless ass when they both made it here.”</p><p>Ahsoka swallowed her shock. She’d never heard Maris swear. <br/><br/></p><p>↹<br/><br/></p><p>They followed Kip down the long hospital hallway. </p><p>“They called me in ‘cuz he was speaking Devaronese and their translation programs didn’t have that option.” Kip seemed a little drunk to Ahsoka. He had just finished an overnight shift at the bar and she guessed he’d poured himself a round or two. Maris, on the other hand, still seemed stone cold sober despite the fishbowl size glass of wine she’d sipped while they waited. </p><p>No matter where she traveled, hospitals all seemed to look the same. They all had the same curtains that seemed yellow with age, they had the same floor tiles. Cheap; easy to clean, ugly. Hospital beds were placed so faces wouldn’t appear to those passing by. Everyone deserved a little dignity.</p><p>A Wookiee nurse appeared at their side, walking with them. She spoke directly to Kip, not them. He waited until she finished and turned to them. “This is my Sister-in-Law, Gharynn. She’s saying she’s grateful to have us here. She’s thankful Maris is paying for the man’s hospital bills. They aren’t sure what to do with him.”</p><p>Maris conveyed her thanks to Kip for translating and her deep appreciation for the hospital staff. He translated her words into Wookiee, using a warbling voice. Ahsoka could understand Shyriiwook and she knew damn well Maris could as well. She assumed Kip being there to translate must be a formality, allowing him further access to the Guard’s room. </p><p>The Spaceportal Guard was flat on his back in the huge hospital bed. There was something that looked like a sleeping mask taped over his eyes. The nurse smoothed his thin, gray hair back away from his face. He was pale, his skin looked like he’d been carved from wax. If it weren’t for the machine beeping out his heart rate, Ahsoka would have assumed he was dead. </p><p>Kip translated the nurse’s words slowly. “He isn’t recovering well from the gunshot. We’re keeping him sedated for now. When he’s conscious, he is extremely disoriented. He doesn’t seem to know his name or how he got here.” </p><p><br/>They stood outside the room while Kip conferred with his sister-in-law.</p><p>Ahsoka narrowed her eyes. “Why in the hell is an insignificant Spaceportal Security Guard speaking Devaronese? Almost no one on Devaron bothers to learn the language, everyone speaks Basic in <em> all </em> situations. Only priests, or politicians speak Devaronese.”</p><p> </p><p>Maris angled herself so she could watch the Guard as they spoke to Kip. “I want security for his room, around the clock. I don’t care what it costs. I want you to make signs with his picture and put them all over this part of town. Not in the newspaper but on signposts, on message boards. Have it say something like, <em> ‘Do you know this man?’ </em> And have some information indicating that he’s suffering amnesia and in the hospital. I want to make sure whoever shot him knows he survived and is able to locate him easily to finish the job.”</p><p>“Maris! You're leaving him as bait?!”</p><p>“We need to find out who came here with this asshole.”</p><p>“And what happens when we find the person or persons?”</p><p>“They will be killed.”</p><p>“No, no, no! I could take the Guard back to Devaron.”</p><p>“And lead more people back here? Oaka, he must be eliminated. Don’t worry, I won’t make you kill him.”</p><p>Ahsoka looked at the Guard’s frail form as they prepared to leave. His nails were bitten down to stubs. There were scratches on his knuckles; he had put up a fight with someone. <em> How could Maris talk about killing an unconscious, injured man? Where was the kind, efficient woman who double-checked to make sure the school’s pillowcases were spritzed with lavender water? </em> <br/><br/>Then she thought of Sors Nella and the Chiss boy, too frightened to sleep in their own rooms. <br/><br/></p><p>↹</p><p> </p><p>Back on Gaulino Island, she walked down the beach without a destination. Her feet sank into the sand at odd angles, making her feel like a staggering drunk. She spied the children jumping and hopping down the old stairs of the Wookiee temple. Sors waved at her and she waved back. It was strange to see them from a distance. Everything <em> felt </em> safe but she shouldn’t trust her feelings.</p><p>The water surface seemed busy in the shallows. It was breezy with small, fast-moving waves. Each breaking swell made a tiny shushing sound that quieted her heart. </p><p>Ahsoka walked into the water fully dressed. </p><p>She dove under, turning so she could look up at the surface and reflected blue sky. The saltwater stung her eyes as she studied the sandy seafloor, rippled with light. These were the moments she tried hardest to memorize. She needed her memories of tranquility to cling on to when she was away from the island. She submerged so her lips were even with the surface. The tops of the waves rolled up and over her nose. The sun was so bright that it shone through her closed eyelids. </p><p>She stood perfectly still and focused on her Force Vision. She let the fullness of the Force into her heart. In her mind's eye, she could see herself running in front of an army. The sky was lemon yellow and her legs strained to keep control as she barrelled downhill toward the enemy’s army. Every aspect of the vision was crystal clear. It felt like a tiny gift she held close to herself. Well, it had felt that way until Saffin had glimpsed it. </p><p> </p><p>She heard him before she saw him.</p><p>“Floating away your problems, Oaka?”</p><p>“I’m a creature of habit. Did your mom send you to check on me?”</p><p>Saffin pulled his hair back. “No, I sent myself. Are you upset about something?”</p><p>She didn’t answer. It was too hard to find the words</p><p>“You <em> are </em>upset. Did my Mom say something?”</p><p>“Saf, I messed up. This time, when I came through the Time Portal with the children, I was followed. I - I saw someone back on Devaron that I recognized from the Temple. And I told him I was looking for a portal.” She turned away from him. “And now he’s on Kashyyyk.”</p><p>He moved a step closer to her. She could tell Saffin wanted to reach out to her but he didn’t.</p><p>She sighed. “At least one person came with him.”</p><p>“It’s going to be OK. We have Wipolo, Rael, my Mom. We can handle two people.”</p><p>“But what if the other person went back into the portal already? What if they’re bringing an army through the portal?”</p><p>“Ahsoka, do you think an army could find their way through the portals?”</p><p>“No. But <em> he </em> could.”</p><p>He sighed, knowing the strain of her fears often outweighed logic. “Would Anakin have even been alive at the point in time when the Guard followed you?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>She could see his shoulders relax. His voice became soft, gentle. “If everything you’ve told me about Anakin Skywalker is true, there is only one direction he’d want to go if he was granted access to a time portal. And it wouldn’t be toward you.” </p><p>Ahsoka’s lips quivered. He was right but it didn’t make it any less painful to hear. “If he ever came -”</p><p>Saffin interrupted, “He won’t come.”</p><p>“If he ever came, I want you to promise me that you will run. I know you’ve been trained as a Jedi but you need to protect these children.”</p><p>“They’re being trained to protect themselves.”</p><p>“They’re just children and he won’t think twice about killing them. He’ll kill every single one of them. He wanted to wipe away every trace of the Jedi Order.” </p><p>He put his hands on his hips and looked out into the sea. It was a posture she recognized from their past. Whenever she made ridiculous requests, like double checking a locked door or spending time apart, he would put his hands on his hips, sigh heavily and eventually agree. “OK Oaka, if Anakin Skywalker comes through a Time Portal and makes it to Gualino Island, I swear to you that I will take the children and run.”</p><p>She made herself look him in the eye. “Thank you.”</p><p>He stared at her with an openness that made her glad she was being held up by the ocean.<br/><br/>“Saf, I’m going to be staying at the house. I’m sorry if that upsets you. Your Mother’s is insisting.” </p><p>“Oaka, I like knowing where you’re at. It’s better than the alternative.” </p><p>She felt a crackle of electricity when he said her name.</p><p>His wide lips curved into a smile before he dove under, swimming rapidly to No Dog Rock. </p><p>She watched him from a distance, as he climbed onto the rock alone. <em> She was allowed to stare, wasn’t she? </em> She moved onto the sun drenched side of Dead Dog rock, staring at Saffin back as he meditated. </p><p>His hair hung down like a curtain down his back. He faced the sun, legs crossed, his hands resting lighting on his knees. He had always struggled with meditation; it stirred her soul to see him at peace.</p><p> </p><p>↹</p><p> </p><p>That afternoon, Ahsoka quietly entered the Caretaker’s House. <br/><br/>She spied her old boots by the door, repaired and polished. She could leave any time. It <em> was </em> possible to escape. She’d need to check the heels for tracking devices. Maris always tried to put tracking devices in her shoes. </p><p>Maris swept through the living room, scooping up the milky blue bottles of sunblock she’d left on the table. Each person’s name had been written in capital letters.  “Am I to understand that not a single one of my children took sunblock with them this morning?”</p><p>A small boy with sun-streaked hair looked up from where he sat at the kitchen table, eating seaweed chips. “Uncle Wipolo said I don’t need sunblock, because I’m already brown.”<br/><br/></p><p>“That’s your lunch?!”</p><p>“I ate an apple, Grandma. Plus a protein bar.”<br/><br/></p><p>Ahsoka felt like she had been electrocuted. This child was Saffin’s son. He looked exactly like Harry: bronze skin, regal features, and peaceful eyes.</p><p> </p><p>She ducked through the living room, reaching the balcony where Maris was surveying the beach with military-grade binoculars. Ahsoka followed her gaze to where Winnie was dancing with another student. </p><p>“Where did she get that bikini?” Maris asked through clenched teeth.</p><p>“Dad bought it for her,” Saffin answered from a lounge chair.</p><p>“Of course he did. No reason an eleven-year-old shouldn’t be able to expose her body. At least she doesn’t have a tattoo yet. Don’t roll your eyes at me, Saffin.”</p><p>“I didn’t roll my eyes - yet.” He smiled at Ahsoka and she felt a blush creeping into her cheeks as she tried not to stare at his bare chest. </p><p>“Hey Mom, speaking of tattoos, have you seen Wipolo’s back?”</p><p>Maris’ retrained the binoculars to the area where Wipolo was demonstrating blocking techniques. She turned to Saffin, her eyes widened in irritation. “Dear gods, when did he get that massive tattoo?”</p><p>Right after he joined the resistance. I can’t believe it’s taken you this long to see it.”</p><p>“Lovely. Let’s all paint targets on our back. By all means.”</p><p>A small voice interrupted them. “Daddy, can I go back to school? I took my dishes to the sink.”</p><p>“Go ahead buddy.”<br/><br/></p><p>He stopped in front of her. “Are you Ahsoka Tano?” </p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>He leaned in close and whispered in a quiet voice. “I’m named after you.”</p><p>She felt unable to move. “It’s very nice to meet you, Magdalia.”</p><p>“Mags,” he corrected. </p><p><br/>He started to leave but Saffin caught him, scooping him up by the armpits. “Put on your shoes. You’ve got class with Master Ha and know what she says.”</p><p>“She says to be quiet for gods sake.”</p><p>“You better take your sunblock, buddy. Your grandmother is in a mood.”<br/><br/></p><p>As Saffin passed by her, he brushed his hand against hers. </p><p>“Your son is very cute.” She whispered.</p><p>Saffin watched as Mags struggled to figure out which shoe went on which foot. “He’s something else.”</p><p>“He looks just like Harry. I mean, you and Harry look more alike now that your hair is long. I - I mean, your hair - it’s nice like this.”</p><p>“You told me to grow it out.” </p><p>“That was 10 years ago. You - you didn’t have to keep it.”</p><p>“My feelings have not changed.”<br/><br/></p><p>She opened her mouth to speak, wishing she could think of something to say.</p><p> </p><p>↹</p><p>Despite Winnie’s reluctance, she chose to begin their training on the beach. Maris would find a way of watching them no matter where they went so they might as well give her a clear view. Winne stood in the doorway of the Beach House, her arms crossed.<br/><br/></p><p>“Hey kid, do you have a lightsaber?”</p><p>“Not yet.” Winnie didn’t move a muscle.</p><p>“Can you borrow one from your brothers?</p><p>“I’m not allowed.”</p><p>Ahsoka nodded. “Very well. We’ll use staffs.”</p><p> </p><p>Winne glanced down the beach to where Saffin was reading out loud with students. “You like him, don’t you?”</p><p>“No.” Ahsoka answered a beat too quickly.</p><p>“You’re lying.” </p><p>“That is not a very polite way to speak to an adult. Especially your teacher. My friendship or lack thereof with Saffin is none of your business,” Ahsoka scolded.</p><p>“You’re talking about my brother. That’s my business. How come you don’t like Harry? Everybody thinks <em> he’s </em> the cute one.” Winnie picked up a staff and twirled it.</p><p>“Not Wipolo?”</p><p>“Wipolo makes people uncomfortable.”</p><p>Ahsoka laughed. “That’s true but Harry and I are too much alike.”</p><p>“Harry dates boys and girls.” Winnie explained in a conspiratorial tone.</p><p>“Well, I date no one.”</p><p>“You’re two sides of the same coin.”</p><p>“What kind of 10 year old talks like that?”</p><p>“I’m almost 11.”<br/><br/></p><p>Ahsoka corrected Winnie's stance. “Your feet need to be planted comfortably apart.”</p><p>“Mom said ‘a shoulder width apart’.” </p><p>“Your mother was wrong. Just put your feet a comfortable distance apart.” </p><p>“A shoulder width, then?”</p><p>Ahsoka crossed her arms.“Why do you argue so much?” </p><p>“I don’t want <em> any </em> of this. I - I read in a book that if you don’t use your Force that it will fade away.”</p><p>“You won’t be able to use it but other people will still be able to recognize you as Force Sensitive. Then you’ll be too weak to do anything to stop them from hurting you.”</p><p> </p><p>Winnie jabbed the staff into the sand. “I don’t want to be a Force User. I want to be regular like Harry.”</p><p>“Harry <em> is </em> a force user.” </p><p>“He’s an engineer.” She dug a hole in the sand with her toe. </p><p>“Winnie, it takes a lot of effort to be able to hide in plain sight.”</p><p> </p><p>Winnie sat down in the sand. She picked up fistfuls of sand and let the grains fall between her fingers. Ahsoka sat down beside her and started burying her legs in the sand, heaping sand on the tops of her calves and watching it slide down until it piled up on either side. </p><p> </p><p>“I started hearing voices. Did my Mom tell you that?” Winnie’s voice sounded like it was coming from far away. </p><p>Ahsoka nodded. “Your brothers hear voices too. And they see visions.”</p><p>“I hate it. I hate all of it. I don’t want to be like this. I’m not like my brothers. I don’t even care about the Force.”</p><p>“But what about your nephew?”</p><p>“Mags is only 6.” Winnie frowned.</p><p>“But what if something happened to your family and you were the only one left to protect him? Whether you like it or not, some of the scariest people you can possibly imagine are going to recognize you and Mags as a Force sensitive. There are people who would pay a bounty hunter thousands and thousands of credits to freeze you in carbonite. They aren’t going to care if you’re 11.”</p><p>“But-”</p><p>Ahsoka interrupted. “They’re going to come after you, Winnie. Or your Dad or your nephew. I can’t make that part stop. All I can do is to make sure you can defend yourself if he finds you.”</p><p>Winnie started to cry.</p><p>Ahsoka felt the blood drain out of her face. That was over the top. She’d been too harsh. She was supposed to be training this kid, not scaring the living shit out of her. Why did she say <em> he </em>? Did she mean someone like the Spaceportal Guard or was thinking about Anakin? </p><p>Winnie turned to her, tears running down her cheeks. “What happened to Saffin was my fault.”</p><p>“What are you talking about?”</p><p>“This spring. He was blocking out the voices for me and the visions. He got sick because of me. It was too much, he couldn’t sleep, he couldn't eat. It’s all my fault.” </p><p>“Shhh, it’s OK. I’m sure he was trying to help you adjust to hearing the voices. He’s an adult, I’m sure he was just trying to protect you.”</p><p>“No. I begged him to. I made him sick.”</p><p>Winnie continued to cry and Ahsoka couldn’t think of any way to comfort her.<br/><br/></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The opening quote is from Chris Marker's film, Sans Soliel. The sentence has confused me for years but maybe I'll understand someday when time makes more sense. </p><p>I felt like the story would be incomplete without some exploration of the planet Kashyyyk. I wanted to have contemporary (peace time) elements but also harken back to the complex traditions of a warrior culture. Gungi was one of my favorite characters from the Clone Wars and I didn't want to miss the opportunity to have Ahsoka rescue him. </p><p>I like how the weather / water changes everyday on the island, even if it's minor changes in the sky. This chapter seemed to expand every time I tried to edit it down so I gave up and split it into halves. The section when she is floating in the sea is paired to another memory of floating which will come in the next installment.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>History only tastes bitter to those who expected it to be sugar coated.</strong>
</p><p><br/>
Ahsoka loved the guest room at the Caretaker’s Villa. All the main areas of the house had antique blue tile floors or polished blond wood but the bedrooms had thick cream-colored carpeting. She had a small balcony with two chairs and a tiny table. Even before she poked her head out to check, she knew there would be a tiny bud vase with a single flower on the table. Her view looked out over the cliffs. She couldn’t see the beach due to the angle but she could look out onto the open ocean. There were no sailboats, no kayaks out. Nothing but rolling waves reaching out into the clear blue water. Huge clouds the size of Star Destroyers hung in the sky. The clouds cast long afternoon shadows over the ocean making the water appear striped. If she didn’t understand the tricks of light, she would think the shallows around the island were deep drop-offs into an abyss.</p><p>She was the only guest who had ever stayed at the house so it was technically her room. Maris had curated the closet with comfortable clothes, shoes, and the slippery, dark blue pajamas that felt heavenly on her skin. There was a low, soft bed tucked up against the wall and a shelf full of books that rotated depending on Maris’ opinion of her. Currently, she was staring at several titles related to overcoming self-doubt and finding inner peace. Maris also seemed to believe that Ahsoka would enjoy knitting if she would give it a try. There was a basket of yarn in shades of blue and various-sized knitting needles. A book had been placed on the bedside table titled, ‘Yes You Can Knit!’</p><p>She grabbed the sketchbooks and pretty, perfected sharpened colored pencils left over from the last hobby Maris had chosen for her. She hurried to the dormitory, hoping to find the children after their evening meal. To her surprise, they weren’t in Sors' room or Nella’s. She peeked into the Chiss Boy’s room when she saw Master Ha coming in her direction. </p><p>“I believe the children are in the gardens with Master Zey.” The willowy Kaminoan said in her purring voice. “No doubt giggling over fart sounds and eating sweets.”</p><p>Ahsoka peered out the window. There was a soft glow coming from the garden terrace. “I think they’re having a bonfire.”</p><p>Kina Ha fixed Ahsoka with her ancient, disdainful eyes. “I hope you have had the decency to tell these children where they are in time and what they’re doing here.”</p><p>“These three witnessed the entire massacre. They know more than necessary about the fall of the Jedi Order.”</p><p>“So, will you be dumping them off here while you continue your whirlwind tour of the World Between Worlds?”</p><p>“I was not just <em> touring </em> around having fun. I was looking for Jedi.”</p><p>“You were looking for one particular Jedi and Ezra Bridger has already been found. You defiled the Time Portals by using them to mend your personal relationships. And you haphazardly scoop up children who should have died at the Temple in order to offset the gnawing guilt you feel for failing to prevent your Master’s descent into darkness.”</p><p>Ahsoka gasped in shock.</p><p>Master Ha gave her a withering look. “You fail to grasp the simple, uncompromising duty of a true Jedi.” </p><p>Rael Averross stepped out into the hallway, his arms crossed over his chest. “The duty of a Jedi is to be the rock-lion at the gate who says, 'I will defend the galaxy with my life, and that is the sum of me.’ Is <em> that </em> what you were going to say?"</p><p>“That’s correct, Master Aveross. No doubt <em>you</em> have benefited from the wisdom of my writings.” </p><p>“But saving someone’s life is the easy part. Caring for them is the tricky bit, don’t you think?”</p><p>“It is <em> not </em> a Jedi’s job to coddle and comfort children.”</p><p>“I’ll be damned if you’re going to tell me what is and is not my job as a Jedi.”</p><p>“I have been alive for a thousand of years.”</p><p>“And <em> I </em> have failed more, in one lifetime, than you could ever imagine. I know when shit has to change. We are not going to raise a generation of heartless, celibate monks who are taught to ignore the darkness within themselves and hope to hell that it will simply be vanquished the light. We will grant them a safe haven and teach them to understand their feelings, not to suppress them.”</p><p>Rael stormed off to the garden to find Zey. Master Ha went in the opposite direction as quickly as her long legs could carry her. </p><p>Ahsoka leaned her back against the door and heaved a sigh of relief. A tiny head peeked out from underneath the bed. It disappeared in an instant.</p><p>She leaned down. “I know you’re under there.” </p><p>Ahsoka got down on her hands and knees. Under the bed, behind a pillow, Sors, Nella and the Chiss boy smiled back at her. </p><p>“We were practicing hiding. We’re going to do better next time.”</p><p>“We’re going to find places on every floor of the dorms and at the beach house. So we can be safe.”</p><p>Ahsoka thought about what Rael had said. She needed to listen to them and try to understand what they were feeling.</p><p>“Why do you need to find hiding places here?”</p><p>“In case one of our Master Jedi turns out to be bad and starts killing people.”</p><p>“That was just Master Skywalker. That won’t happen here on the island. You’re safe now, I promise.”</p><p>They stared at her blankly and she realized that this argument didn’t add up for them. They had lost their reference points for safe. They had watched one of their heroes strike down too many lives. Anakin had killed those who stood up to him and the ones who had hidden behind chairs. He had killed children and elderly. There had been no mercy. Sors, Nella and the Chiss boy had listened as the Clone Troopers had discussed how to cut off the goggles and atmospherically adjusted Antiox masks worn by two elderly Kel Dor Jedi. They had listened as Anakin had gently called out to a Twi'lek toddler who had hidden underneath a couch.<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“Come on, little one.” Anakin had whispered to the 4-year-old. “Come out from under there. I’m not going to hurt you.” </p><p>Ahsoka bit her lip as the images from the security footage flashed through her mind. She wasn’t going to be able to say anything that would outweigh the horrors they had witnessed. There would be no reasoning with them. Rael was right, she needed to change her approach.</p><p>“What about the gardens? Have you looked for hiding places there?”</p><p>“Will you help us look, Ahsoka?”</p><p>“Yes, maybe we can make it into a game? We’ll each try to find the best place.”</p><p>“What does the winner get?”</p><p>“You get to be the champion of hiding.”</p><p>↹</p><p>The island's oldest children were at the bonfire with Master Zey and Saffin. Zatt, Katooni, Petro Ganodi, and Gungi were eating some type of grilled fruit Ahsoka didn’t recognize. Her three children hesitantly sat down next to Saffin’s son who was playing with two Tooka kittens. The kittens flopped down, exposing their soft white bellies for the children to pet. </p><p>Ahsoka sat between Saffin and Gungi. The sweet-natured Wookiee covered her hand with his in greeting. </p><p>They were talking about their plans for the future. The galaxy was open wide to them. The First Order was in shambles and the Resistance was no longer just a cause, it was a vocation. Bases were being built, the Resistance logo was being painted onto Star Destroyers across the galaxy. The galaxy was as safe as it had ever been during Ahsoka’s lifetime. These children would be Peacekeepers of the galaxy, not soldiers. She wasn’t surprised to hear that Gungi wanted to stay on Kashyyyk but she was astonished to hear that Zatt and Ganodi were planning to stay as well. </p><p>“I thought you wanted to be a pilot?” She asked Ganodi. </p><p>“I can be a pilot here. Zatt and I want to make this world safer.” The two exchanged bashful glances and Ahsoka realized they were a couple. </p><p>Petro and Katooni, who assured everyone they were no longer a couple, were going to Yavin 4 to join the Resistance. Maris had made connections for them to apprentice in diplomatic negotiations.</p><p>“Will you tell us a war story Ahsoka?” Petro asked softly. He had changed the most over the years. From an arrogant, boastful child to a soft-spoken academic. “Please?”</p><p>“Wars don’t make for good stories, Petro.”</p><p>“C’mon?” Zatt prodded.</p><p>“OK, but then someone else has to tell me a story too.” She countered. “A peacetime story.”</p><p>Gungi warbled a happy cheer. </p><p>Ahsoka began. “Once there was a group of clones. Four of them. Officially they had designation numbers but we called them Branch, Looter, Seve and Stoop. They were in a gunship, a Low Altitude Assault Transport. The clones liked to call them Lartys, the Clones had nicknames for everything. They were on a recon mission over Tala. Their carrier vessel was shot down and they had lost all radio contact with their squad.”</p><p>“Then what happened?” Katooni asked softly.</p><p>She looked down at her hands. “It was weeks before we found them, they’d run out of fuel and air. They all died.” </p><p>“Ahsoka!” Zey looked at her shocked. </p><p>“That’s a horrible story.” Rael scolded. </p><p>“You asked for a war story. There are hundreds of stories just like that. Pointless deaths!” Ahsoka snapped. She wasn’t sure who she was angry at or why. She looked at the children, their sad faces were lit by the bonfire. A terrible feeling tore through her.</p><p>“I think they were hoping for something less grim.” Rael said gently.  </p><p>“I don’t have any stories like that.”</p><p>“Oh, oh, I know - tell us how you defeated Maul!” Zatt pleaded.</p><p>Ahsoka paled visibly and Saffin squeezed her hand. He alone knew the death toll of that story. The bodies she had buried in the snow. When they had been together, that was the memory that woke her up in the middle of the night. Death was more than a list of numbers in a textbook; it was the number of holes she dug in the cold ground. She kept digging until her hands bled, crying until her throat ached. Saffin’s hand rested next to hers, their pinkies overlapping. He cleared his throat and spoke in his soft, commanding voice. “<em> I’m </em> going to tell you a story instead. If you interrupt me, you’ll have to give me your portion of fruit.”</p><p>“There’s more than enough fruit for everyone.” Zey pointed out quietly. </p><p>Saffin pursed his wide lips. “Help me out here, Zey? I’m trying to get these wild animals to listen to me.” </p><p>Zey smiled and put another chunk of driftwood on the fire. </p><p>Saffin held Ahsoka’s eyes, staring at her until the tension in her jaw lessened. Her scowl softened into a sheepish pout. </p><p>He tilted his head, his dark hair falling over his shoulder. “Mags, how do we start our stories?”</p><p>Mags looked up from the tooka kitten. “Once upon a time?”</p><p>“Thanks buddy. Once upon a time there was a child who grew up in the desert.” </p><p>“Great.” Ahsoka muttered under her breath. “Like we need another Luke Skywalker story.”</p><p>“Shush now. Keep quiet,” Wipolo whispered. “I think you’re going to like this one. It’s new.”</p><p>Something in his gentle shush made her heart melt.</p><p>“Once upon a time there was a child who grew up <em> all </em>alone in the desert. Her name was Rey. She had no family, no money, and no real home. Rey wished she could be special like the Jedi she had heard stories about. She wished there was someone who thought she was worthwhile but there was no one to care for her. Everything she knew, she had to figure out for herself. If she needed to defend herself, she had to teach herself to fight. If she needed to stay warm, she had to find something to use as a blanket. Her entire life, she had to improvise. Do you know what that word means?”</p><p>“To figure something out without preparation?” Katooni answered.</p><p>Saffin moved slightly so his knee rested against hers. Ahsoka could feel the warmth of his skin through the thin fabric of her leggings.</p><p>“Yes, exactly. Rey had to make everything up as she went along. Then, one day, the First Order arrived on her little desert planet. She could carry on as usual and be safe or she could do the right thing and help them. What do you think she did?</p><p>“Helped them.” Sors answered eagerly. </p><p>Saffin grinned. “Yes, she improvised and helped the Resistance escape, they’re the good guys in this story, by the way.</p><p>“We know!” Petro interjected.</p><p>“But then she was captured by a bad Force user named Ren who was hunting for Jedi.”</p><p>Zey looked from Ahsoka to Rael, concerned about the children.</p><p>Saffin leaned down, his eyes locking with each child in turn. “But the funniest thing happened: Ren, the bad man, read Rey’s mind but instead of finding anything out about the Jedi, he ended up falling in love with her. Right there on the spot, on his bad guy ship, wearing his bad guy helmet. And Rey fell in love with him as well. She tried to run away from her feelings but she couldn’t. She had to make up an answer for herself and she decided to trust him. Ren had tried to fill his heart with darkness but his love for Rey was too strong. He tried to fight her and show her that he was more powerful but he loved her too much to hurt her.” </p><p>Ahsoka was amazed at Saffin. He was clearly enjoying his role as storyteller. </p><p>“And then, Rey ran a lightsaber through him, almost by accident.”</p><p>The children gasped. </p><p>“But Rey was a healer, like Wipolo, and she brought him back from the brink of death. When she did that, when his health was restored, it took away all the darkness in his heart.”</p><p>“And they were in love?” Nella asked.</p><p>“Yes, very much so. He helped Rey face the Emperor. She was able to gather the power of all the Jedi who had come before her to defeat him.” </p><p>“Rey defeated the Emperor? Did you know that, Ahsoka?” Katooni asked. </p><p>She nodded. “I was in the World Between Worlds when it happened. I could hear her. I could feel her light overpowering everything.”</p><p>“Isn’t that a great story?” </p><p>The children’s faces were rosy in the glow of the fire. Rael and Zey patted Saffin on the back as they ushered them back to the dorms. Zey shot Ahsoka a grim look before he turned to leave. </p><p>She had to admit it, she was thoroughly impressed with Saffin. He was not a liar but he was so extraordinarily gifted at telling only the parts of the truth people needed to hear. “You left out Rey learning to use the Force, Kylo Ren’s murdering past, Rey being the Emperor’s granddaughter, Luke Skywalker, the deaths, the battles, entire planets obliterated.” </p><p><br/>
Saffin folded up the blanket Zey had left behind. “There are enough war stories out there. And you’re right, they’re mostly all horrible. But these kids need a break from death and dying. Every once and a while, we could all use a simple story where love overcomes every obstacle.” </p><p>"But he died," Ahsoka argued.</p><p>"Who's to say there wasn't a happy ending? We weren't there." His fingertip traced along the edge of her hand. "You and I tend to imagine the worst-case scenario. Maybe they simply kissed and saved each other from the darkness."</p><p> </p><p>↹</p><p> </p><p>She had gotten up early enough to miss breakfast at the Caretaker’s villa. She was sitting in the dining hall, sipping caf, waiting for the children to arrive. The cooks had presented her with two pastries. One seemed to be a chocolate and orange striped croissant and the other was a multi-layered, heart-shaped puff of a thing. They were probably delicious but she didn’t deserve them so she sipped black caf. </p><p>Master Zey and Rael approached, hand in hand. She could read the looks on their faces: disappointment. </p><p>Rael appraised her plate and selected the heart-shaped puff for himself. It shattered with the first bite, bits of icing and crumbs went everywhere. “What the hell was going on with you last night?” </p><p>“I can’t act like war is some glorious thing. It isn’t. It’s just deaths and more needless deaths.”</p><p>Rael struggled to shake off the pastry bits that had settled on his clothes. Zey leaned forward, smiling kindly at Ahsoka. “It has come to my attention that these new little ones don’t know where they’re at. I mean, they know they're on Kashyyyk but they think the Clone War is still going on.”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>Zey dusted off Rael’s shirt with precision. “Master Ha says you’re the one who needs to tell them.”</p><p>Ahsoka gulped her coffee. “Yes, that sounds exactly like something she’d say.”</p><p>Zey pulled up close to her. “I disagree with her. I believe it would be best if I tell them. You can be there as well but I think it would be best if it came from an outsider. Just the basics. I do think Ha is right, they do need to know something for their peace of mind.”</p><p>She nodded. This was the part of rescuing that was hardest for her </p><p>“What would you like me to tell them?” Zey inquired.</p><p>She picked off a corner from the chocolate pastry, turning it around before sampling it. “Tell them they have been taken forward through time. Tell them the war is over and the Siths are - never mind, don’t tell them about the Sith. Tell them that they are safe and the bad guys in the temple won’t be able to hurt them again.”</p><p>Zey smiled as a cook set a plate of fresh pastries in front of them. He used a knife to cut the heart-shaped pastry in half before handing it to Rael. He draped a napkin on Rael’s lap and winked at him. “Try not to get it down your shirt this time dear.”</p><p>Rael’s beard was covered in powdered sugar in an instant. Zey sighed and handed him a second napkin. “Ahsoka, do the children know it was Vader in the Temple?”</p><p>“Yes, they saw it was Anakin.” She wouldn’t use his Sith name. Ever. “They know Master Skywalker led the massacre.”</p><p>“Good. I’ll start by telling them the story of how Vader died.”</p><p>“Anakin,” she corrected. “If you say Vader, they may think there’s two of them and that’s even worse.”</p><p>“Anakin. Either way, as far as deaths go, It’s a good story.”</p><p>Ahsoka frowned. “Obi-Wan sacrificing himself is a good story. Anakin fucking finally turning on the emperor after 25 years is not so impressive.”</p><p>“That depends entirely on who’s telling the story and why.” Zey had a way of smiling that made her feel like everything was going to be OK.”</p><p>Zey went ahead to get the children ready for breakfast but Rael remained. He took a small bag of marbles out of his pocket and emptied them on the plate in front of them. They were beautiful shades of blue, green, milky yellow, and clear. Ahsoka loved the clear ones with tiny bubbles frozen inside. </p><p>“Tell me about the portals, Ahsoka.”</p><p>He rolled the plate slightly, making the marbles clank together. </p><p>She snatched up a yellow marble and held it up to the light. “That’s a complicated subject.”</p><p>Rael copied her gesture. He selected the largest marble, a large blue one with white swirls up to the light, squinting into the tiny sphere. “There’s truth behind what Master Ha was saying about the Time Portals, isn't there? She’s all bark and no bite but I know her well enough to know when she’s barking at something substantial.”</p><p>Ahsoka hung her head. She griped the marble in her fist. </p><p>“Why were you hunting for Ezra Bridger? You knew he ended up ok. He married Sabine. He’s was a big fancy general.”</p><p>“We - Sabine and I went into the portals to find him together. He was lost.”</p><p>“And then he was found, correct?” Rael prompted. He set his blue marble down and chose the smallest one, clear with few bubbles.</p><p>“We were separated at some point. And by the time I found them again -” she sighed, her cheeks flushing crimson. “I don’t know why I’m telling you all of this. It doesn’t matter.”</p><p>Rael set the marble down and twirled the entire plate, watching the marbles re-order themselves. “It matters to me. I don’t know much about you Ahsoka, but it sounds like you were in those portals looking for someone who wasn’t missing.” </p><p>Her face was hot with embarrassment. She put her yellow marble back with the others. Her hand felt empty without it. “Fine. I wanted to find him before they found each other.”</p><p>Rael nodded. “Did you have feelings for Ezra? Or Sabine?”</p><p>“They - they forgot about me. She stammered, shame choked her words. “They left the portals and went back to the Resistance. They didn’t try to find me. They didn’t even look for me. I kept searching for him for years because I had no idea that he’d been found. I thought if I found him first maybe I wouldn’t have been forgotten.”</p><p>“I get it, Ahsoka. It sucks not to be the shining star. It sucks to be forgotten.”</p><p>Rael clamped a hand on her shoulder. She didn’t mean to hug him but he smelled like incense and old books. He smelled like the Temple. Her shoulders shook as she wept.  “All those years, Luke knew exactly where I was and he never reached out to me. I could have helped with his stupid Temple. Everyone acted like he was the only Jedi in the galaxy but I was still alive. I was alive and no one cared.”</p><p>He pulled back and smiled at her kindly. “Maris got me for free if that makes you feel any better. She was buying up some holocrons and the Hutts threw me in as a bonus. She doesn’t know that I know about it. She tried to make it sound like she paid a high price for me but I know the real story. When I was coming out of carbonite, I overheard them talking. They’d offered me to Skywalker once, ages ago, but he’d passed. He said ’Rael Averross wasn’t much of a Jedi.’ those were his exact words.” Rael rolled his eyes playfully. “Those Skywalkers think the entire galaxy revolves around them.’ I say, fuck ‘em.”</p><p>“Yeah.” Ahsoka laughed. “Fucking Skywalkers.”</p><p>&gt;&gt;</p><p><br/>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The opening quote is from Chris Marker’s master piece Sans Soleil.</p><p>I know I’m turning Master Ha into a massive jerk but I think those with longer lives have perspective that may not come with a sugar coating.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning: there is violence against children in this chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>The only footage she saved was a few seconds of video; three padawans playing in the Lake Levels. For her it was the image of happiness. She had tried several times to link it to a specific memory or place in time, but it never worked. She thought someday she might put it all alone on a holocron surrounded by blank, solid black footage. If a viewer couldn’t see the happiness of the children, at least they'll see the black.</strong>
</p><p><br/>
In order to pull the children out of their timeline properly, she needed to know exactly how the children had died and who had killed them. Their small bodies were the last to be deposed of and she had to review the security tapes several times to figure out where they had come from.</p><p>The Clones had found them hiding in ventilation shafts and shot at the duct work in order to force them out. They’d been found at the far end of the Great Hall near the Room of a Thousand Fountains. The Clone troopers of the 501 had been effective in their room to room sweep of the temple. Rooting under beds, shooting into the foggy corners of vaporator chambers, slowly draining the tanks of Lake Levels where some of the aquatic species hid. </p><p>Sors, Nella and the Chiss boy were the very last to be found. The troopers had marched them at gunpoint past piles of lightsabers which had been tossed into vegetable crates in order to cannibalize the valuable Kyber crystals. Bodies of the dead had been carried into the hall, lined up in rows. Commander Appo was checking for signs of life.</p><p>Ahsoka didn’t need to listen to the audio to know what he was saying: <em> Good soldiers follow orders. Good soldiers follow orders.</em></p><p>The three children had been taken to the service wing so they could be shot over the drains in the Temple kitchen floors. Chiss blood, a Clone had explained, was extremely hard to clean out of carpets. </p><p>It had been Nella, the tiny Nautolan, who had insisted they be killed together. She walked in the middle, holding the boy’s hands. Her chin jutted upward as she guided them to the center of the kitchen. </p><p>Her small voice was strong and true on the security tapes. “What you’re doing is wrong!” Her voice rang out clearly a moment before she was shot. Sors was shot second and the Chiss boy stood alone. The Clone’s blaster jammed and the Chiss boy stood, shaking uncontrollably, until the blaster’s gas cartridge was replaced. He closed his eyes and clamped his hands over his mouth to hold in his cries.</p><p>The Guide had watched the tapes all the way through. She knew how it all ended; the bodies, the death toll, chases through hallways, elderly shot in their sleep, toddlers executed in their cribs. The bodies of the Jedi Order were piled up on the front steps of the Temple and burned before a large crowd. Citizens of Coruscant gathered to watch as the corpses were set ablaze.</p><p>Camera crews hovered around the edges. The first time Ahsoka had watched the tapes, she had wanted to track down and murder every one of journalists. It wasn’t until later that she realized they were the only ones who actually cared. When she had forced herself to watch the news coverage, decades later, she realized that they had not shied away from documenting the faces of the elders, the gardeners, the children. If it weren’t for their recordings, the narrative told by the Empire would have been the only version of events.</p><p>She had viewed the news coverage from around the galaxy. Different interpretations of the same footage, every framework featured the same imagery, each system interpreted the events to their own advantage. Crowds had cheered ‘Long Live the Empire!’. The helmets of the Temple Guards were snatched up by the crowd. The bodies of the younglings burned at the back of the pyre, away from the cameras. Ahsoka had wept as a youngling’s small training blade rolled down the steps into the hands of the eager crowd.</p><p>‘Look, a lightsaber!’ She had heard a woman yell as she dove for the blade. A moment later, the woman screamed in agony. The blade was still searing hot from the fire.</p><p>↹</p><p>“How is this Spaceportal Guard <em>not</em> dead?”</p><p>Maris had interrupted her training session with Winnie for the 4th time. Ahsoka had suggested they work at the other end of the beach so the sound of Maris’ typing would be drowned out by the surf.  Within moments, Maris had picked up and followed them, clicking away on her datapad wildly. Winnie was holding her pretend lightsaber in the middle and Ahsoka didn’t have the energy to explain that this grip would burn her hand off. </p><p>“Maris, I already explained. The Guard was a gardener.” Ahsoka reminded her. “The Clones were under order to kill Jedi but-”</p><p>“But that Spaceport Guard was Force sensitive, that much was pretty clear.”</p><p><em> “Was it? </em> Ahsoka looked up in alarm. She hadn’t sensed anything. “If Anakin wasn’t in that part of the Temple to sense his energy, they might’ve just let him go.” </p><p>“I didn’t think they let anyone go. I’m looking at stacks of bodies.”</p><p>“They-they opened fire. A lot of people were caught in the crossfire. It was a mistake.” Ahsoka acknowledged. </p><p>“I can’t believe you’re defending them!” Maris spat.</p><p>“I’m not really defending the Clone Troopers but they <em> were </em> under direct orders.”</p><p>“They killed everyone.” She could tell that Maris instantly regretted her words as Winnie ran to see her screen. Maris covered it, quickly.</p><p>Winnie pulled on the datapad. “Mom, I can look it up on my own.”</p><p>Maris pulled the datapad away from where she was clutching it protectively to her chest. </p><p>Winnie stood stiffly in her bikini as she viewed the images. “My gods. Why did they have to kill the children?” </p><p>“If there was even one Force User left, they would stand in opposition to the Emperor’s rule.” Ahsoka explained, keeping her voice even.</p><p>“What about you?” Winnie asked sharply.</p><p>“I wasn’t there. I’d already left the Order. And anyway, I didn’t count. At least not to the Emperor.”</p><p>Winnie studied her, confused. “What about to Vader?”</p><p>“I faced Anakin several times. He very much wanted me dead.”</p><p>Winnie shifted her weight back and forth, nervously. “Wait - I don’t understand. Why didn’t the Emperor care about you?”</p><p>“Because I wasn’t powerful enough to matter.” Ahsoka admitted with a weary smile. </p><p>“Then why did Vader care if you weren’t <em> that </em>powerful?</p><p>“<em>Anakin </em> wanted to destroy all traces of his former existence. And I was part of that life.”</p><p>Winnie turned to her mother “If my Grandfather found me, would he kill me? Would I matter enough to him even if I’m not powerful?”</p><p>“Yes.” Maris answered too quickly, too harshly. “He wouldn’t kill you but he’d torture you in order to find me.” </p><p>“Because of the island?”</p><p>“No. Because I’m his daughter.”</p><p>“And he wants to kill you?” Winnie asked, her voice sounded distant.</p><p>“No honey. He wants to turn me.” </p><p>“He’s a Sith?”</p><p>“He’s a Darkside user.”</p><p>Ahsoka paled next to Winnie. Whatever the truth of this situation really was, it was much more serious than she’d thought.</p><p>Winnie sat at the end of her Mother’s beach lounger. “Did he torture Grandma before he killed her?”</p><p>Maris didn’t look up. “I imagine he did. But she’s at peace now. Wipolo saw her ghost. Saffin did too.”</p><p>“Does he know about us?” Winnie’s voice quivered.</p><p>“No. Saffin said he does not know about us. That may change, though. He was in a clinic where Wipolo was treated.” Maris touched her daughter’s cheek softly. “He has a sample of your brother’s blood.”</p><p>Winnie walked out into the ocean. Out of nowhere, Ahsoka thought of a Jedi Master named Tolikina. They were a hovering species called Celegian that resembled a cloud of tendrils and talons. They spoke through telekinesis, and their voice sounded to Ahsoka like shimmering bells. They wrote and revised opinion of the Jedi Council rulings. Ahsoka had thought their poetry was the most beautiful work she’d ever heard. She couldn’t remember if any of it had been recorded for posterity. Perhaps it had only lived in the Celegian’s mind. </p><p>Ahsoka had searched the Temple security tapes for Tolikina. She finally found the Celegian’s final moments; the beautiful creature’s death had only taken up three frames. Anakin had cut them down without even looking up.</p><p>She followed Winnie into the frothy waves. The water temperature was a little cooler today. The waves were rough and patchy. Ahsoka was wearing her favorite maroon bathing suit. It was perfectly cut with a modest front, a short skirt and a low v back that dipped down to her waist. It had appeared in her closet, as everything did, carefully chosen for her by Maris. It puzzled her that Maris did so many things perfectly but she had such grave difficulty preparing her own children for their legacy. </p><p>“He must have tortured my Grandmother for a long time.” Winnie spoke without turning around.</p><p>Ahsoka inhaled slowly. She resisted asking the identity of their Grandfather. “We don’t know that.”</p><p>“My brothers can do Force Lightning. Do you think I could learn that?”</p><p>“Yes but let’s start at the beginning.” She adjusted the girl’s grip on the painted wooden staff. “Your lightsaber is your life. It will protect you and focus your energy.”</p><p> </p><p>↹</p><p>Ahsoka found Wipolo in the garden terrace. He’d stretched out in a blue and brown striped hammock with books and a datapad resting on his stonach. His long legs stuck out the side. She gave him a shove. </p><p>“If your Mom catches you with that cheapo datapad, she’s going to flip out. Did you buy that at a pawn shop?”</p><p>“Don’t tell my Mom but Harry got it for me. It’s like double encrypted or something. He says it’s totally safe. Do you want to see pictures of my girlfriend?”</p><p>She laughed as he scrambled to sit upright in the hammock, books sliding between on the ground. She sat down beside him, kicking off her sandals and letting her feet dragged in the sandy dirt next to his. She second guessed herself, perhaps she was sitting too close? In typical Kiffar fashion, Wipolo slung an arm around her and scooted closer. He clicked open a series of pictures of a red haired girl.</p><p>“Oh Wipolo, she’s beautiful.” </p><p>He grinned and showed her pictures of the two of them together. He had taken the pictures himself, holding the datapad at odd angles. Ahsoka could see the warmth in the woman’s eyes. </p><p>“She loves you, doesn’t she?”</p><p>“I think so. I can’t believe it. She’s so incredible. She’s smart and brave and so nice.”</p><p>“I’m happy for you. Is she coming here?”</p><p>“She and Harry and Harry’s girlfriend are coming here in a couple days.”</p><p>Ahsoka noticed one of the open tabs on his datapad. “Are you reading about Time Portals?”</p><p>“There isn’t much of anything on the holonet so I was looking in some of the archival texts “</p><p>“That’s actually what I wanted to ask you about, Mr. Historian.”</p><p>“Mom thought you might have some questions.”</p><p>“Do you think a non-Force user could come though the portals?”</p><p>Wipolo’s eyebrows knitted together. “You’re worried about this Spaceportal Guard leading the First Order here, aren’t you?”</p><p>“Your mom told you about that?”</p><p>He nodded. “Yes. You and I are the island’s best defense right now, we are two strongest so we are the island’s gatekeepers. We need to be informed of all security situations.”</p><p>Ahsoka drew in a shaky breath. In the space of a moment, Wipolo had gone from a lovesick boy to Jedi.</p><p>He picked up an ancient book with a crumbling spine. “Every mention of the Time Portals in history and the general media is a story of death. There have been experiments launching priests and soldiers into portals tethered on cables, on lines in groups, in protective gears. All reports indicate the shift of time is too great. Regular people don’t die in the portals; they die entering the portals. They would never make it out the other side, Ahsoka.”</p><p>“So the guard was Force sensitive and whoever came with him had to be force sensitive as well. </p><p>“Great.”</p><p>“You and I can handle whoever is out there.”</p><p>“You can say stuff like that but it doesn’t make it true.”</p><p>He fixed her with his round, childlike eyes. “Anakin is dead. His timeline is sealed. You’ve said it yourself, Ahsoka: some people cannot be shifted in their timelines. There are people you can’t go back and save because their deaths are too important, the fabric of time would not shift around them. Time would not allow Anakin Skywalker’s life to be altered.”</p><p>She frowned. “When Ezra saved me, it altered the timeline.”</p><p>“But not Vader’s timeline.” Wipolo pointed out</p><p>“Oh. So Ezra could change mine because I'm not important enough?”</p><p>“You’re important to me. I wouldn’t be the person I am if you hadn’t trained me.”</p><p>She stared at her hands. “You guys didn’t need me. You already knew Makashi.”</p><p>“Knowing a form doesn’t make you brave or open to the Force. Knowing you helped me understand that I don’t need to chase after attention or have people acknowledge my strength.” She could see shades of his boyish shyness showing through. “You taught me to control the impulse to wish for people to tell you that you’re special - it's hard to resist. That was one of the most important lessons I learned from you. You’re one of the most amazing Jedi in all of history and I’ve read a lot of history. The Order treated you horribly.”</p><p>“They made a mistake.”</p><p>“People failed you but you haven’t let it break you.”</p><p>“Wipolo, I’m a mess.” </p><p> </p><p>Wipolo sat in silence, his head hung low. His dark eyes held an expression she couldn’t decipher. “Did you know that Wipolo isn’t my real name?”</p><p>A chill ran through her. </p><p>“It doesn’t feel right for you not to know the truth but I don’t know how to tell you. But I’m sworn to secrecy.”</p><p>“Duel for it? If I win you have to answer my questions?”</p><p>He laughed. “I don’t want to hurt you Ahsoka, I like you too much.”</p><p>“Hurt me? You are so full of yourself.” She scoffed, grabbing a training saber. “Wanna use kiddie swords?</p><p>“You’re on.” </p><p>“I’ll beat the truth out of you!”</p><p> </p><p>Wipolo stepped into the courtyard with his practice saber tucked under one arm. Lifting his boyish face to meet Ahsoka’s, his attention was momentarily caught by the sky. She followed his gaze to admire the perfectly spaced serene clouds that seemed more like a painting than anything belonging to the real world. She stared in awe at the brilliant blue of the sky. Even after all these years, she still wasn't immune to the island’s beauty.<br/>
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</p><p>“That cloud looks like a heart.” She blurted out and then blushed. She felt like an idiot. All this time with Saffin was turning her brain to mush.</p><p>"You're stalling, Oaka. C’mon, I’m hungry." Wipolo’s stomach rumbled out of the silence.</p><p>Ahsoka grinned. "Patience, young one."</p><p>Wipolo sighed and took off his shirt. He had the same wide shoulders and broad chest as his brothers but his muscular build seemed at odds with his youthful features. </p><p>"What’s your call? Ataru?" She raised her practice blades with a flourish.</p><p>"We'll see." Wipolo tucked an arm behind his back and Ahsoka fell into her own fighting stance, left leg leading, a blade in each hand.</p><p>“No force push and no lightning.” Ahsoka warned. </p><p>“Ohhh, look who’s scared now,” he taunted.</p><p>“I’m not scared of you, mutant.” </p><p>Wipolo grinned and began to circle around to her. Ahsoka pivoted after him, keeping her blades parallel. </p><p>“I can wait. I already had lunch,” Ahsoka challenged, as they circled each other warily. She waited for him to take the offensive. She hoped he would wear himself out with the first attacks. </p><p>She barely saw the spinning kick coming in time to leap back. Feeling his foot graze her shoulder, Ahsoka knew her former pupil meant business.</p><p>He attacked, driving his blade toward her ribs while she was still deflecting the kick. She ducked and spun away with nervous laugh. "Good job. Nice to see someone in your family using their legs for a change."<br/>
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"Harry won’t practice with me if I kick. He hates getting dirty," Wipolo said, with a smile. They both knew that Harry ended up on the ground 9 times out of 10 when he fought his brothers. He was the tallest, the most physically strong but had the slowest reaction times of them all. </p><p><br/>
A flurry of movement Ahsoka lunged, coming in low and Wipolo blocked hard, forcing her back. Going on instinct, she thrust low again — and Wipolo’s blade answered hers, blocking downward and  driving toward her heart. With a twist of his wrist, he deflected the few crucial centimeters that threw her off balance and grazed her rib cage.<br/>
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</p><p>She felt the impact as his weapon made contact with her side. These training blades were no joke. There was no pain yet, but she knew he'd been hit. She disengaged and scrambled back.<br/>
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</p><p>“I’m sorry, are you OK?” Wipolo looked scared. He hadn’t meant to hurt her. He paled when he saw a long scratch along her side “Oh gods, you’re bleeding. Do you want to stop?" Wipolo asked, his round eyes shining with concern.</p><p>"Not a chance," Ahsoka answered, furious with herself for failing to block hard enough to keep from being hit. </p><p>Drawing a cleansing breath that made her injured ribs ache, Ahsoka attacked, driving hard in a flurry of strikes that kept Wipolo too busy parrying to make any counter blows of his own. She kept striking until their blades locked together, she knew his arms were straining to hold off her simultaneous attacks with the two blades. Her side throbbed as she lept over him, spinning in time to ram a knee into Wipolo’s hard muscled stomach.</p><p>Leaping back, Wipolo’s sweet expression flickered in pain before he lunged hard to the center. The impact made her arms shake.</p><p>He waited for her to retreat in the blurring instant of his rush. But she dove at him, full force. </p><p>The point of her blade was inches from Wipolo’s face when he jerked his wrist to deflect it. The blade sliced just past Ahsoka’s montrals and came down neatly to rest on her wrist.</p><p>“I got your hand.” He grinned broadly.</p><p>She dropped both of her weapons. “That was so good. I’m so proud of you. </p><p>You don’t want to keep going?</p><p>No, I think you had me.</p><p>“I’m really sorry I hurt you.” I can heal it. His fingertips glowed a light blue as he touched the angry slash of red running down her ribcage. Her eyelids fluttered as she raised her arm to allow his healing touch to rest on her side.</p><p>“I promise, I’ll figure out another way to tell you.”</p><p>“I cannot believe you’ve gotten so good at blocking me.” She smiled at his earnest face.</p><p>“I’ve had a lot of time on my hands.”</p><p>“Your mom wants me to find a way to talk you out of using Makashi.”</p><p>“Oh, we’ll see about that.”</p><p>She squinted at him. He was starting to sound more and more like Obi-Wan.</p><p>He got ready to leave, turning to look over his shoulder. “My real name is Wilhelm.”</p><p>“Wilhelm?!”</p><p>“I like Wipolo better. It feels like who I am now.”</p><p>“Wilhelm?”</p><p>↹</p><p>Zey, Julian and the oldest children stood waist deep in the water, bouncing a beach ball between them. Gungi towered over his friends and made them laugh as he swiped the ball out of their reach over and over again. Katooni playfully pushed him over and he emerged from the water, shaking his fur, water flying everywhere. </p><p>Ahsoka sat down next to Rael slowly, not wanting him to notice how much her ribs ached. </p><p>She nodded her head toward the group. “I must say, Master Zey is quite fit.”</p><p>“Yes, he is a treat for the eyes. As is Mister Julian Naverre.” Rael smiled, his eyes appreciatively tracking his beloved. “Zey says that no matter how many times Julian gets his mind wiped, every time they meet, they become close friends. Over and over again. Their friendship never changes.”</p><p>Ahsoka smoothed the sand in front of her, trying to make it flat. “That’s sweet. Julian is such a wonderful man.” She sensed Winnie behind them but she didn’t turn around to acknowledge her presence. </p><p>Rael scooped up a handful of sand and let it rush through his open fingers. “I wish things could be different for him.” </p><p>“He goes to the Konshi festival every year on Kiffar. Maris had to choose between his need to visit his family and the security of the island.”</p><p>Rael frowned at her. “Seems like if you're married, you could ask your spouse to give something up.” </p><p>She traced a spiral in her perfectly flat expanse of sand. “I think she did and he chose the festival. This was their compromise.”</p><p>“He chooses to have his mind wiped?” </p><p>“Yes. He does.” </p><p>Rael punched the sand on either side of him. “That’s sad as fuck.” He  shook his head in disbelief. “Guess it shouldn’t surprise me that she would go along with something like that.”</p><p>“Why do you say that? She’s doing it so he can have what he wants the most. She does it out of love and caring. She protects everyone.”</p><p>“And why do you think that is?” Rael’s voice became sharper.</p><p>“Because she cares,” she answered, feeling her temper rise.</p><p>“About force users?”</p><p>“Her sons are force users. She’s a force user.” Ahsoka was growing increasingly concerned with Winnie’s presence behind them. </p><p>Rael piled sand into each of his hairy kneecaps, watching to see which of the pile crumbled faster. “Ah yes, Maris Navarre, the intelligent, gifted and talented Force user who never set foot in the temple.”</p><p>A chill ran down Ahsoka's spine.</p><p>“She said she was trained by someone else.”</p><p>“Miss Tano, who do you think that someone else might be?”</p><p>“Maris said her master was no one of any consequence.”</p><p>“Do you believe that’s true?”</p><p>“I don’t - I don’t know.”</p><p>“Someone so inconsequential that they bought her this island? When she was 10 years old?”</p><p>“10?! I thought her family owned it -“  she stumbled on her words. “Her - her mother was rich.”</p><p>She turned around to look for Winnie but she couldn’t <em> see </em> the child but that didn’t mean much. She couldn’t feel her either but all of Maris’ offspring were skilled at blocking their Force. </p><p>Rael continued, “The same rich mother who didn’t bring her to the temple? Why would a wealthy parent not take a child, so gifted in the force, to the Temple on Coruscant?”</p><p>Ahsoka swallowed hard. She felt like she’d lost her voice. “Because they were hiding her?”</p><p>“And who might be so scary, so inescapable that a child would not be safe in the company of Jedi?”</p><p>“I don’t know.”</p><p>“Keep thinking.” He stood up and started dusting himself off. </p><p>“Another force user?”</p><p>Rael stopped and looked over his shoulder. “Go on.”</p><p>“A - a dark force user?”</p><p>“Never turn your back on evil, Ahsoka.”</p><p>“Maris isn’t evil,” she whispered.</p><p>Rael put his hand on his hip. “You know that to be true, do you?”</p><p>“I do. I know by her actions. All the people she’s saved.”</p><p>“The ones you’ve saved?”</p><p>Ahsoka rose. “I just brought them here. She’s saved them everyday since then.”</p><p>“To what end?”</p><p>“I don’t know! If you think she’s so evil, why are you working here?” She could feel her pulse quicken.</p><p>Rael stroked his straggly beard. “I never said Maris was evil.”</p><p>“But you mocking her - you’re questioning her intentions.”</p><p>“A Jedi is trained to question what he sees and what he doesn’t see.” Rael blew Zey a kiss. “Plus, where else am I gonna go?”</p><p>“Seriously? That’s your answer?!”</p><p>Rael’s eye locked on hers. “I’ve messed up so many times. I need to try to do better.” His expression was of utter defeat. “Ahsoka, I’ve failed spectacularly with one on one relationships. My padawan, my ward. I don’t know what else to do. I can barely stand to be alone with myself.”</p><p>“And there’s Zey?”</p><p>“Yes. Then along came Zey. That man - I love him. Plain and simple.”</p><p>“Then there’s nowhere else to go but forward.”</p><p>“Well said, Miss Tano.  Besides, I think someone can come from darkness and still save people. Just as a man can come from light and slay a generation.”</p><p>Ahsoka frowned. “I hate that balanced view of the Force business.”</p><p>“As do I. It sounds good in theory but just how many people can dabble with darkness and not get entangled by it?”</p><p>She thought of Anakin. Her friend. Her mentor. Stepping into and out of the shadows to save the woman he loved. She wondered what he was feeling as he gave himself over to the darkness.</p><p>“Who was Maris’ father?”</p><p>“I’m not going to tell you but I’m sure you can hazard a guess. Think it all through Ahsoka. Look at the question from the outside.”</p><p>She swallowed hard. She thought of the island, Maris’ vast fortune, her tall, intelligent, agile children who were so powerful with the Force that they defied classification.</p><p>Her mind flipped through the possibilities like a deck of cards. Something made her pause, the sinking feeling that told her that she didn’t want to know the truth. She thought of the inexplicable visions and voices that haunted Saffin. She thought of Wipolo and his new ability to heal. She thought about the way Harry looked when he crouched down to study insects in the grass: like a predator ready to lay waste to all he surveyed. Her mind flashed to Maris’ regal posture, the Makashi, the Force Lightning.</p><p>A name froze in her mouth. She didn’t want to say it. If she said it, it might be true.</p><p>“Oh gods. Dooku?”</p><p>Rael didn’t meet her eyes. “He was my Master, he taught me everything I know; he made me into the man I am.”</p><p>“And Maris is his daughter? You’re - you’re watching out for her?”</p><p>“I want to help her and I feel like I need to be here to ensure she doesn’t head down the same path he took.”</p><p>Rael headed up the long stairway to the garden terrace to meet his students. The waves rolled peacefully and she turned back to watch the oldest children of the island at play.</p><p>She thought of Saffin kind smile and the way his hand brushed against hers. She thought about the way he stared straight into her soul. The only thing worse than letting herself fall in love with him all over again would be falling in love with him knowing he was a Dooku. She needed to get the hell away from this island.</p><p>↹</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
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  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><strong>She liked the fragility of those moments suspended in time. Those memories whose only function had been to leave behind nothing but memories. <br/></strong><br/>The morning fog made everything seem quieter, smaller. Even standing on the beach, she couldn’t see the Sea Stacks. The most seemed to have a life of its own hovering over the still water, flattened out everything. It was bright and perfect and utterly blank. Every point of reference was gone.</p><p>The Guide’s head ached in the morning light. Dooku. Maris was a Dooku. She stopped herself from spiraling inward and tried to sort out her emotions. She laid them out, one by one, in front of her. <em> Give them a name </em> , Obi-Wan had taught her. <em> Give them a name and they will no longer overwhelm you. Give them a name and they will no longer have power over you.  </em></p><p>Betrayed. Deceived. And stupid. She felt even more alone than ever. Ahsoka resolved to spend the entire day watching the family like an anthropologist. </p><p>Before she could get through a cup of tea, Mags breezed past her. His presence was light and almost invisible, centered and shimmering with strength. The way he stared at her was unique for a child. He glanced down, like his father, and raised his eyes to hers. It was like meeting a rock lion in the field; he was deciding if she would be prey or simply part of the landscape. Then his face broke into a wide grin, sticking his tongue in the gap where he’d recently lost a tooth. It melted her from the inside out.</p><p>“You smell pretty,” he said shyly. </p><p>His hair was pulled away from his face in a stubby ponytail. Saffin stepped into the hall with his hair tied back in a similar ponytail. The stubble on his face seemed more pronounced than she was used to seeing. Saffin’s posture changed around his son. He pivoted around the boy, shifting to guide the child out of the house. Mags clutched at a stuffed owl in one hand and a bottle of sunscreen in the other. When his grandmother wasn’t looking, he traded the sunscreen for a toy hammer.</p><p> </p><p>Julian served spicy vanilla chai tea with ridiculously tiny bowls of pickled lemons. The fragrance was comforting, it reminded her of mornings in the Temple. She and Anakin would watch podracing videos over breakfast and complain about how poorly they’d slept. It was like a contest for them to see who’d woke up the most, who’d slept the least. Padme’s presence was never discussed, even when it was the cause of the sleepless nights.</p><p> </p><p>She pressed her lips together, trying to push memories back. It was too early in the day to think about Anakin.</p><p>Over morning tea, Maris updated dozens of spreadsheets. She had one for each of children, one for each employee, each building, each student... After she and Julian had gone over their plans for the day, she went into the courtyard to continue her work in private. W<em> hat else and who else was she keeping track of? </em> Ahsoka was positive there was a spreadsheet on her. What did it record? Her shoe size, her measurements? <em> Was there a column to check off on whether she knew about Dooku or not?  </em></p><p>
  <em> ↹ </em>
</p><p> </p><p>What were her options?</p><p>She could leave. As soon as the children were settled, as soon as the Spaceportal Guard recovered, she could take him back to Devaron. She felt idiotic saying that she was looking for Ezra now that Rael knew. Somehow having someone discover her sad plan made it even more pathetic. </p><p>She decided that she should fulfill her Force Vision. She would lead an army into battle again. Where there was one conflict, there would surely be more. She could float around for a few years, visit some places she liked. Money wasn’t a problem.  After a few years, she could come back to the island. She’d find more children at the Temple to save. She knew that she wanted to save the child that Anakin had lured out from under the couch. She would deny her master that small horror. She’d find others. She might even start looking for Force Sensitive children in the present. </p><p>She hated being the person Master Ha thought she was: someone who dumped children off on the island and took off without looking back. </p><p>If she waited a few years, she could come back again to stay longer. She hadn’t waited a sufficient amount of time for her own heart to mend or for Saffin to move on. Surely Saffin would get over her if given time. She’d been gone ten years and he’d had one child, in a couple more years who knows where he’d be?</p><p>But her heart ached for Nella, Sors, and the Chiss boy. They needed her, didn’t they? Or would they be better without her? If she was gone, it would sever the ties to the past more cleanly? Ugh. Now she sounded like Master Ha. </p><p> </p><p>↹</p><p> </p><p>The fog was burning off in the morning sun when she met with Winnie. The girl’s focus had changed overnight and she was compliant under Ahsoka’s direction. They watched holocrons of Plo Koon and Obi-Wan going over Djem So and Soresu. Plo Koon’s voice soothed her nerves  and she could tell that Winnie was responding to Obi-Wan’s technique. Watching Obi-Wan’s fierce determination reminded her that there was something just as important as raw talent: persistence</p><p>She was trying to steer Winnie toward Soresu to please Maris but it seemed completely pointless. She observed Winnie’s rigid posture, her freakishly quick reflexes and how fluidly her feet moved in time with her saber. Someone, probably Wipolo, had already started teaching her Makashi. </p><p>Why hadn’t it ever occurred to her that this natural proclivity toward Makashi might mean something? She had watched blindly as each of Maris’ tall, elegant children had placed an arm behind their back as they began each duel. Why hadn’t she put the pieces together? They’d done everything but knock her over the head with a curved-hilt lightsaber. </p><p>“How old are you?” Winnie asked quietly.</p><p>Ahsoka paused the holocron. “I’m a little older than your Mother.”</p><p>“Why do you look so young then?”</p><p>Ahsoka frowned. “Do you know what the World Between Worlds is?”</p><p>“Yes. Wipolo has about forty books about it. He’s obsessed with it. So is Saf.” </p><p>“I - I spend a lot of time there.” She stammered. “I go through portals looking for Force Users.” </p><p>“That’s how you find the children that you bring here, right?” </p><p>She nodded. “There’s something about being in The World Between Worlds that has changed me. I don’t know how it works but when I'm in there for a while, it does something to my aging process.” </p><p>Winnie studied her curiously. “How much time have you spent in there?”</p><p>“Too much.” </p><p>Winnie copied Ahsoka’s low, wide stance for a moment before straightening herself back into a Makashi starting position. “What was it like, living in the Temple?”</p><p>Ahsoka stopped what she was doing. “It was - there used to be thousands of Jedi. The galaxy was a much different place then.” </p><p>Winnie almost smiled.“So everybody there was like us?”</p><p>“Yes. I felt like I was safe and that I belonged there. But I was wrong.” </p><p>“Because it wasn’t safe?”</p><p>“Some people don’t belong anywhere.” Ahsoka shuffled through the holocrons for the one of Cin Drallig. </p><p>“Like my family?” </p><p>“You belong here on Gaulino Island.”</p><p>“You belong here too, <em> Snips </em>.”</p><p>Ahsoka hurled around, her sabers drawn only to find that Wipolo had appeared behind her. </p><p>“What did you just say?!” </p><p>“I said, you belong here too.” Wipolo tried to ruffle Winnie’s hair before she smacked his hand away.</p><p>Ahsoka sighed heavily as she stared at Wipolo’s profile. The resemblance seemed so obvious now. Despite the bronze skin and glossy hair, he <em> did </em> look like Dooku. The height, the bright eyes, the straight nose, and narrow chin. Not to mention that he watched her and everything on the beach like a predatory animal. </p><p> </p><p>↹</p><p>Master Zey was telling the new children about what had happened, where they were in time, that there was no going back. Ahsoka stared up the steps at the garden terrace and wondered how they were taking the news. Was Nella sucking her thumb? Was Sors in tears? Would the Chiss boy stop talking again? She shivered despite the heat.</p><p>She walked around the curve of the main beach, up the ancient steps of the Wookiee temple. Each step was an effort and she enjoyed the chance to use the Force in such a physical way, throwing herself into each leap. Toward the top of the steps, spiderwebs blocked the way. She carefully sliced the tethers, hoping the webs wouldn’t be destroyed by the wind.</p><p>There was a small reflecting pond that served as a graveyard for all of the island’s monks. Small shi-shok trees marked the final resting place of each Wookiee. The trees took centuries to grow to their full height. There were almost a hundred trees, each holding the place of a life.  In time, it would be a tall forest but, for now, she could see over the top of the tallest one. Each tree had a statue at its base, small and roughly carved. The monks made their own grave markers out of sandstone. It wasn’t a good choice of stone, she thought, the stone wore down so quickly that many of the markers just looked like rocks. Rain and wind had returned the statues back to their natural state.</p><p>A large rock stuck out of the shallows of the reflecting pond. Rough and jagged, it seemed out of place. Ahsoka knew it hadn’t been there before. It didn’t make sense that someone would place it there. She focused her energy on the rock and used the Force to dislodge it from the muck and raise it up to the water’s edge. </p><p>Though irritated with the rock’s very existence, she was glad to fill herself with the Force. Lifting it was more difficult than she had anticipated. Either the rock was heavy or she was out of practice. </p><p>Ahsoka collapsed, reaching the ground in gratitude. She wanted to spend hours on her knees in meditation. Let the Force pour in until there was nothing else. It was easier, lighter to release herself completely without emotion or pain. No fear, no guilt. No more dread, no more pain, no more shame.  Letting feelings into her meditation frightened her.</p><p><b>What about grief?</b> Anakin’s voice bubbled up, reaching through her consciousness.</p><p>“Shut up.” She answered the inner voice with an outer one, glad she was alone and no one was listening. She struggled mightily to block out his voice in her head but it echoed on. She struggled to replace the voice with any voice but his. Obi-Wan? Yoda? Master Windu? She bowed her head to the dirt, wishing the low voice away.<br/><br/><b>Ahsoka, answer me! I said, What about grief?! </b></p><p>“Grief does not require that much space in my heart!” She shot back, angrily. “It is nothing to be concerned about.”</p><p>
  <b>You’re scared to admit how you feel.</b>
</p><p>“I was raised to be an instrument of the Force. Why would I <em> want </em> to have feelings?”</p><p>
  <b>Don’t be an idiot, you already have feelings. </b>
</p><p>Up until that point, she hadn’t been sure if she was imagining the voice or not, inventing the conversation to torture herself. Punishing herself for bringing the Spaceportal Guard to Kashyyyk. Distract herself from her mixed feelings about Saffin. But something in the taunt, the tone of voice told her it <em> was </em> Anakin reaching out. It wasn’t the first time his voice had disturbed her and it probably wouldn’t be the last. It was up to her whether or not to listen to it. Did she really need <em> him </em>reaching out from the Netherworld of the Force or whatever circle of hell he’d landed himself in? </p><p>
  <b>You need to choose whether or not those feelings control you. </b>
</p><p>She didn’t answer the taunt. She wouldn’t bother to point out that he had allowed his own feelings to propel him to the darkside. He was goading her.</p><p>She knew she was anchored to Saffin and to his family. It was more expansive than anything she could name; there wasn’t a large enough word. Everything on Gaulino Island was short-circuiting her mind. Her attachment to the children, her trust in Maris’s guidance, her desire to belong somewhere. <br/><br/></p><p>“Fuck!” She pulled her shirt over her head to stop herself from hyperventilating. </p><p>“Are you ok?” Gungi stood over her with a concern expression on his face</p><p>“Of course.” </p><p>He sat down beside her. “Who were you talking to?”</p><p>“No one.” She answered too quickly.</p><p>“I heard you.”</p><p>She stared at his sweet solemn face. He could see straight through her. “Sometimes I talk to my friends who are dead.” </p><p>“Can they hear you?” Gungi's voice was tinged with concern not judgement.</p><p>“I’m not sure but I know I can hear them.”</p><p>He picked up a small Wookiee-shaped statue at the base of a shi-shok trees. He studied it from all angles before gingerly replacing it. “Do you talk to <em> him </em>?”</p><p>“No.” She didn’t even sound remotely convincing.</p><p>“Did you know he was turning bad?” </p><p>Ahsoka considered how to answer the question. “No. well, maybe. I knew he was doing things that were wrong but I didn’t think - I would have never thought he would turn on us.”</p><p>He picked off a dead leaf. “Did you love him?”</p><p>“Yes, of course. He was my Master. I loved him just like he loved Obi-Wan.”</p><p>“Master Zey said Master Kenobi died trying to save him from the darkness.” </p><p>She nodded. </p><p>“Master Zey said Kenobi blamed himself for Skywalker becoming a Sith.” </p><p>Ahsoka straightened the statues so they were lined up like soldiers. “It wasn’t Obi-Wan’s fault.”</p><p>Gungi nodded. She loved that he accepted explanations at face value. If she said something was true, it was true. “Could anyone have defeated Skywalker at the Temple?”</p><p>“I think so. If they’d had warning. If they’d been more strategic.”</p><p>He puzzled over this statement and tears began to spill out between his long lashes. “Couldn’t you go back in time and warn them?” <br/><br/>She drew him into a hug. “No. Time doesn’t work like that. The main events of history cannot be altered. Big things like the deaths at the Temple.”</p><p>Gungi frowned. “But what about us?”</p><p>She smoothed his soft fur. He smelled like the ocean and his favorite pastel-colored taffy. “Some of us less important people can be taken out of our timelines because the fabric of time doesn’t depend on our lives.”</p><p>He studied her before speaking. “If we’re the ones who survive, maybe we become the important ones. Because we get to live. That’s important, right?”</p><p>“You’re right; it is important.” </p><p>He stretched out on the ground, his head on a tree grave. She copied him and looked up through the tree leaves at the blue sky. The ground was cool and sandy. Light dappled through the swaying branches. </p><p>Gungi’s voice sounded like it was coming from far away. “How did we die? I know you didn’t want to tell us but I’m old enough to know.”</p><p>She rolled over on her side, propping herself up on one elbow. “In your original timeline, you were <em> all </em> killed by Anakin. I mean, Master Skywalker.”</p><p>Gungi considered this for a moment, then nodded for her to continue. <br/> </p><p>She chewed on her lip. “You were first. He threw you across a room and your neck was broken. I think you died quickly. Katooni and Ganodi drew their sabers outside the room of a thousand fountains and he ran through them in a single stroke. Petro and Zatt hid in the archives. Anakin toyed with them; it was so cruel. He let Petro think he was holding his own and then he sliced him through the kneecaps. Anakin just stood there watching him scream for help. Then Anakin got bored and Force choked Zatt. Petro died of fright, I think.” </p><p>“How do you know all this?”</p><p>“I watched the security records. I had to know exactly how you all died in order to save you.”</p><p>“Oh, Ahsoka.”</p><p>She smiled through tears. “When I went back for your group, Byph was the only one I couldn’t save; I couldn’t take him out of his timeline. He was just stuck in place. I still don’t know what to do about that.”</p><p>“You had to take us out way before the massacre ever happened, right?”</p><p>“Yes, I went back and took you out of your timeline about a year before the massacre. I wish it didn’t have to be that way - I didn’t want you to lose so much time but it was easier that way.” Ahsoka hated that she’d effectively ended their natural timelines so early but there was no other way. </p><p>“Right after we rescued you from that pirate, right?” </p><p>“Yes, It was easy to take you directly to the island. There is a portal entrance in a cave painting on Tholatin.”</p><p>Gungi nodded. “Can I tell the others what <em> really </em> happened?”</p><p>Tears filled Ahsoka’s eyes. “I guess.”</p><p>“When we first came here, we weren’t scared at all. We just thought we were hiding out here from pirates. You made it feel like a game.”</p><p>She clamped her hand over her mouth, holding back a sob. </p><p>“I didn’t know where we were. Katooni kept asking if she could visit my family? It was such a long time before we understood what year it was.” </p><p>The afternoon shimmer of light on the reflecting pool was almost blinding. She was glad she couldn’t see his face. </p><p>“Do you want me to be with you when you tell the others?” Ahsoka asked.</p><p>“No, I’d like to do it.”</p><p>Ahsoka nodded, too overcome with emotion. Gungi had grown up so much, he was the leader of the group.</p><p>“I’m glad you did it. You could have just walked away.” He hugged Ahsoka. “Thank you for saving us. Thank you for letting me finish living my life.”</p><p>She pressed her hands over her eyes, unable to look at her sweet, baby-faced Wookiee. </p><p> </p><p>↹</p><p>She was avoiding the dorms, the beach, the gardens. Zey was telling the new children about where they were in time.  He had asked her to stay away for a while.  She was their connection through time and they needed space to appreciate what they’d lost. They needed to bond with Zey.</p><p>She walked along the beach aimlessly, eventually chucking her shoes and walking into the water fully clothed. The extra dimension of her clothing was strange but not unwelcome. The water was almost still and she watched the strange ripple of her pant legs as they floated around her uselessly. She swam forward into the ocean toward her destination.</p><p>Ahsoka rested on the sunken island named Seal Rock. The partially submerged seastack was one of her favorite places on earth. Roughly the size of a picnic table, it rose above sea level for two hours a day. The rest of the time, it felt like a front row chair to the ocean. She’d come at the hour when the light was prettiest. The water sparkled magically; gleaming light scattered brighter than gold in every direction. She pulled herself onto the rock as waves sloshed around her on all sides.</p><p>She watched as Saffin swam toward her. His long arms cutting through the water with the precision that could only be earned by 13 continuous years of swim lessons. Saffin clung to the side, breathing hard from the swim. </p><p>“What are you doing all the way out here?” He huffed in air. </p><p>“I was trying to meditate.” </p><p>“I’m sorry. Do you want me to leave? I can come back later.”</p><p>“No. You should stay.” She slid off the rock so she could float on her back. </p><p>He watched her closely. “Do your lekku help you float?”</p><p>She was surprised at the boyish wonder in his voice. “What - yes. A little bit. Not a lot though.”</p><p>“Are they water permeable? That’s probably a dumb question but I’ve always wanted to ask.”</p><p>She couldn’t help but smile. “They let in a little water to regulate pressure but it’s like how your ears aren’t just big holes into your head.”</p><p>“May I?” He reached out to touch her left lekku. <br/>Her eyelashes fluttered as his fingertips gingerly stroked the sensitive tip. He ran his thumb up to her montrals, tracing their outlines. She closed her eyes entirely, trying not to react to the familiar feeling of his hands. He was so close. She forced herself to turn away and dive underwater. She came up a safe distance away. </p><p>“Let’s swim to Dead Dog Rock.”</p><p>“Did you know there’s a ridge somewhere right around here that runs almost the whole way there? You can practically walk there.” He swam to the right, diving underwater. He emerged and stood up in waist-deep water. “It’s always further off to the right than I think. Sometimes I wonder if it moved but it’s because I'm always wrong. It’s never where I think it should be.”</p><p>She worked her way over to him. “Ew, it’s slimy. Ugh.”</p><p>“It feels like the rocks are falling apart under your feet, doesn’t it? They’re deposits of minerals or something. Harry explained it to me but I can’t remember.” They walked, armpit deep for her, waist-deep for him to the mammoth sea stack. He watched her closely, his demeanor shifting.<br/><br/></p><p>“What’s wrong, Ahsoka?”</p><p>She paused to check to see if her foot was bleeding. “What’s your real name?” she asked without looking up. Her voice was casual, non-accusatory</p><p>He stared at her blankly.</p><p>“I know about your grandfather.”</p><p>Saffin narrowed his eyes. “What?”</p><p>“I know you’re a Dooku.”</p><p>“I - I thought you already knew. I thought that was why you didn’t come to Iloh.”</p><p>It was her turn to fall silent.<br/><br/>He drew a shuddering breath. “I know you want to have children. I thought you didn’t want to have them with me. I thought you didn’t want to deal with my family’s legacy.” </p><p>“How do you know I want to have children?” </p><p>“We went to the doctor together.”The memory flooded back to her the instant she heard the words. <em> How could she have forgotten? </em> They’d gone to the Island’s doctor, a pediatrician, to check on her fertility. Though she appeared youthful, it was hard to determine where her body was in terms of a natural life cycle. The doctor had been cautiously optimistic and Ahsoka’s brain had gone into overdrive, imagining them starting a family. She had chosen the names Belay for a girl and Plo for a boy. And then she had the idea to spend a month apart. It had seemed so right, so romantic. She had imagined meeting him on Iloh and being lost in a haze of love.<br/><br/>When she looked up, her eyes blurred with tears, he was gone.There was no splash or shift in the wind. Saffin’s Force was beyond her reach.</p><p>She crawled up out of the water, onto Dead Dog Rock. Ahsoka felt heavier with her shirt and pants plastered to her. She flung herself onto the warm rocky surface. There, etched on the rocks were their initials: A.S. + S.N. She traced the lines in the rock. She remembered watching him carve into the rock with a broken seashell. S.N. Was that even his real name?<br/><br/>He appeared again out of nowhere. Saffin’s light brown shorts clung close to his body, almost matching his skin. She thought he looked like a golden god and imagined that she probably looked like a pile of wet laundry.</p><p>“I wish we could start over.” Saffin said softly. He smiled his slow quiet smile, the one that seemed to take over his whole face. She couldn’t look away, even as his dark eyes studied her. She couldn’t tear herself away from his gaze. <br/><br/>“I’d walk into some dumb cantina and we’d be two total strangers,” she whispered, wishing more than anything that it would be true.“Hi. I’m Oaka,” </p><p>“Do you want to know my name? My real name?”</p><p>She squinted at him. “I do.” </p><p>“My mother forbade us from telling people.”</p><p>“And you’re telling me now?”</p><p>He jutted his chin out defiantly. “Now you know <em> why </em> it was a secret, the secret itself is only a minor concern.”</p><p>“Is it Saffia? I know that’s a city on Serenno.”</p><p>“It’s Sifo,” he said plainly.</p><p>“Wait -what? Sifo?”</p><p>“Sifo Lene Serenno Navarre.” </p><p>“Gods no!”</p><p>“I was named after my Mother’s master. And his Master, Lene Kostana.”</p><p>“No,no, no, no, no! Sifo-Dyas?” </p><p>“He helped raise my mother.” </p><p>“The traitor to the republic, Sifo-Dyas raised your mother?”</p><p>Saffin crossed his arms across his chest. “He wasn’t a traitor. He was a visionary. He not the man in the history books. Saffin’s voice strained. It did not happen the way they said. He did not die at the hands of the Pikes. He didn’t put those chips in the clones.”</p><p>Ahsoka’s lips twitched. “That’s not what the Kamino’s say!”</p><p>“The Kaminos are a bunch of scumbuckets.”</p><p>“That’s true.”</p><p>She stared off into the distance. Her head hurt. She took a deep breath, giving herself a moment to compartmentalize her feelings.<br/><br/>Without looking up, Saffin rested his hand on the instep of her foot. “You’re not going to leave again, are you?” </p><p>“Eventually it will be time for me to go. I don’t belong here.”</p><p>“We want you to stay.” His hand grazed the top of her foot and she shuddered. </p><p>She stared at his hand resting on her foot.</p><p>He looked at her with such sadness that her body ached. “You always hear about people who go missing after going out for a night swim. It seems like almost anyone swimming at night would be a goner.”</p><p>“The Order of Monks who used to live on the island often swam at night. I read in their archives that if a Monk was nearing the end of his life, he would make a practice of swimming every night.”</p><p>“It would ensure a tidy end.” She let herself enjoy his touch, even if it was only for a moment.</p><p>“Have you ever swam at night, Oaka?”</p><p>She swallowed hard and shook her head. “No. have you?”</p><p>“On Iloh. When you didn’t show up.” His hand circled her foot. </p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>He looked down, laughing at himself. “It was in a sheltered cove. I was only a danger to myself.”</p><p>She shivered, hugging her arms over her chest. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”</p><p>“Tell me why.”</p><p>“We’re not -“ she stumbled over the words she had spent years rehearsing. “I’m not good for you.”</p><p>“That’s a shit answer and you know it. Ahsoka, I’ve waited years to know what I did wrong.” </p><p>“Why do you assume you did something wrong?”</p><p>“I must have done something truly horrible because you don’t care enough about yourself to fight back when someone hurts you. You run away because you don’t believe you deserve any better.” </p><p>She was stung by his words. “Is there a reason I should believe that I have value?”</p><p>“Because you are the only woman I have ever cared about. Only you. And you made a joke about tattoo removal? I keep your name on me because I cannot stop thinking about you. Worrying about you. Missing having a life with you.” He withdrew his hand from her foot abruptly. “Please tell me.”</p><p>She stood absolutely motionless, hoping she could somehow make herself disappear.<br/><br/>He stared at her, incredulous. “You aren’t going to say anything?”</p><p>She shook her head.</p><p>“Why?! At least have the decency to tell me what I did wrong! What did I do?”</p><p>A horrible wave of violent sadness tore through her. She clamped her hands over her mouth to hold in her sobs. She crossed her arms over her chest. </p><p>“Well, I guess that display of emotions is a miracle in itself. The great Ahsoka Tano actually feels something.”</p><p>She didn’t have to turn around to know that he was gone.</p><p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>The Jedi were a people of nothing, a people of emptiness, a vertical people.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>After everything had fallen apart, she had lived with Rex for almost 3 months on Kuat. Though most of that time they were not a couple, she still counted it as one of her most significant relationships. </p><p>During the day, he always called her<em> Kid </em>but in the evenings they pretended to be different people. Rex made up names and invented histories for them. In these, moments, they could imagine a life far from the war. He liked to use the names of characters from the holodramas they watched together. Their favorite was about a man married to a widow who just happened to be a sorceress. The man was good and kind but the galaxy had dealt him a tough hand. The sorceress, it seemed, had gone through dozens of husbands before him. Each of her children was from a different father, and mating with her marked men for death. Each episode the man inched closer and closer to his demise. It wasn’t the magic that interested Ahsoka, it was the widow’s many children. Ahsoka was fascinated with the babies, the concept of motherhood and family. When Rex fell asleep, she would rewind the episode to the scenes where the sorceress and her children echoed each other’s smiles.</p><p>Rex adored her, that much was certain, but he was unable to make love to her. They slept in the same bed, comfortable and safe. He curled around her while he spoke of his fallen brothers, she whispered about the friends they’d lost. Every day he told her, in his bashful way, that she was pretty. But there was something stopping him from bonding. His body did not react to her touch. Their passion was one-sided and stilted. It was a situation that built on itself, growing progressively worse until they stopped all attempts at physical intimacy.</p><p>She couldn’t frame it with words. Even now, she couldn’t quite explain it. Rex wasn’t able to look her in the eye. His neck seemed to instinctively bend away from her. It was as though his eyes had been trained to shy away from her gaze. Time and again, she would have to catch his eyes and hold them, locking into him like a target to make him see her. As painful as it was, she knew it would be better for him if they parted. When she suggested they part ways, she could tell he was relieved to be done with his duty.</p><p>She blindly choose the Outer Rim planet of Thabeska and he went to Seelos. They kept in contact for close to a year, but she lost touch with him once the Empire arrived on her doorstep. She traveled to Raada after that which kept her busy, but it all felt pointless. When she met new people, she always used the name Ashla, it was the name Rex made up for her, the name he whispered in her ear when they were alone at night. The sorceress who destroyed the life of every man she loved.</p><p> </p><p>↹</p><p> </p><p>Maris shook her out of her dreams. “The Spaceportal Guard is awake. He’s asking for you.”</p><p>“Oh gods.” She grabbed her lightsabers.  Ahsoka was alarmed to see Gungi behind Maris. “What’s he doing here?”</p><p>“He’s coming with us,” she answered.</p><p>“No, no, no, no, no. We can’t put him in danger.”</p><p>Maris didn’t bat an eye. “We’re dealing with the local police. Gungi will help smooth things over.” </p><p>That meant a bribe. She had a bad feeling about this.</p><p> </p><p>↹</p><p> </p><p>She rarely noticed the heat on the island; it was warm but there was usually a breeze. As they waited in the shadows of the tourist shops in Wartaki, heat radiated from the cobblestone streets. It was sweltering. They were meeting a police investigator in the open-air food market. She wondered about Gungi’s feet getting burnt. Were the pads of his feet so calloused that the heat didn’t effect him or was it more the case that he was simply too polite to complain? </p><p>Maris wandered over to a frybread stall, She looked cool and composed, despite the soaring temperature. The stall adjacent to them was a fishmonger. Ahsoka closed her eyes on the still breathing fish, stranded on chunks of ice, their gills still gaping in death throes. Every fiber of her being ached to buy out the fishmonger’s stock and release the fish back into the sea. But she could do nothing but stare at their glassy eyes as Maris purchased a cinnamon bread. She declined the offers for tea or scalding hot jam. </p><p>A Wookiee police officer spotted them and made his way through the crowd. Maris handed the cinnamon bread to Gungi, a tactic Ahsoka had seen her friend use before on her own children when she needed them to listen. There were fewer questions when a child’s mouth was full.</p><p>The Spaceport Guard was awake and alert now. The private security contracted to keep surveillance of the hospital room had reported a single individual had come to see the Guard. They didn’t know the identity of the visitor. All they knew was that the individual had come and gone already. </p><p>Gungi asked if hospital visitors had to sign in or give a name. The police officer answered that the visitor had listed themselves as a relative. </p><p>She had a suspicion what that meant and it wasn’t good.</p><p> </p><p>
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</p><p> </p><p>Maris pointed to the small window in the door, the Spaceportal Guard was eating from a massive bowl of ice cream. He stopped and waved at her with his spoon, a pleasant smile on his face.</p><p><br/>“Stay here, Oaka. I’m going to check the security cameras.” Maris and Gungi went in search of the head nurse.</p><p>Ahsoka pushed the heavy door open.</p><p>“What a nice surprise to see you, Tano.” The Guard licked the spoon before setting it down.</p><p>She couldn’t get a read on his casual demeanor. “Why are you here?!”</p><p>He shrugged. “I’m here on vacation. What brings <em> you </em> to Kashyyyk?”</p><p>“You followed me here!”</p><p>“And you led me.”</p><p>It was only then that she noticed he was holding a blaster. </p><p>She didn’t sense the second presence in the room until a fist smashed into her, driving up into the soft tissue of her lekku. The impact knocked her down and into a cart with an empty bedpan. </p><p>It was behind her. Choking her while she tried to reach for her saber. Her attacker had her on her tiptoes, dragging her then slamming her into the bacta drip beside the bed.</p><p>The Spaceportal Guard shot at her but it went high, hitting the wall-mounted defibrillator. He continued to fire wildly but she deflected the blaster fire instinctively.</p><p>In a single fluid motion, she let herself fall and used the momentum to deliver a sweeping kick to her attacker and crashing them into the visitor’s chair. She caught one of the chair legs and used it to block her attacker. Three more shots rang out but she didn’t see them. She used the Force to rip the blaster out of the Spaceportal Guard’s hand. It clattered and spun to a stop in front of her. </p><p>Finally, she caught a glimpse of her attacker: a tall, thin Trandoshan female with yellow eyes, holding what looked like a steering wheel. <em> Oh gods.</em></p><p>Gungi’s voice called out to her, he sounded so far away. <em> Gungi! </em> She had to protect him. She used the Force to turn the bolt on the door. </p><p>Like a waking dream, she heard the unmistakable sound of a saber igniting - her attacker was an Inquisitor. </p><p>The female Trandoshan hurled a vase of flowers at Ahsoka, catching her across the face, blood spraying from Ahsoka’s nose on the floor. Pink flowers scattered across the bleached floor tiles.</p><p>Her attacker’s double-ended saber started to spin at a sickening speed. Ahsoka thrashed down on her blade, full force. Sparks rained down as their blade locked, the Guard locked down bemused as small holes singed the pristine cotton sheets. She used the force to draw the bacta drip pole across the Inquisitor’s arm, twisting the thin metal like a vise, shattering the bone of her lower arm. The Trandoshan started to scream, and then silenced as Ahsoka threw her down by the neck. The Inquisitor’s head slammed into the door frame of the fresher.</p><p>Pain blurred her vision. The Inquisitor righted herself quickly and grinned at her, “We’re going to need your guidance today, Miss Tano. I’d like you to escort us through the World Between Worlds. I haven’t been enjoying Wookiee cuisine. It would be nice to be back on Devaron in time for dinner.”</p><p>“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Ahsoka kept her voice neutral </p><p>“Or perhaps you’d like to give us a personal tour of Gaunilo Island before we go. I’ve heard such wonderful things about your students there.”</p><p>She could hear Gungi shaking the door handle. He roared in frustration.</p><p>“Where did you hear about Gaulino Island?” Ahsoka forced herself to stay calm. </p><p>The Spaceportal Guard slowly pointed under the bed where Kip, the Ongree boat captain, stared back at her with milky white dead eyes. His neck was bent at an unnatural angle. Ahsoka felt her blood run cold.</p><p>The Guard followed her gaze. “If you take us through the portals, help us make a little map through time, we’d be happy to leave Gaunilo Island off our reports.”</p><p>The Spaceportal Guard picked up his spoon again. “I usually dislike caramel ice cream. It’s generally too sweet for me but this has just enough salt. It’s not bad.” He smiled. “What do you say, Tano? We’ll fly you to the portal on Kuat. Alone.”</p><p>Ahsoka inhaled slowly. “Not a chance.” </p><p>The inquisitor kicked the chair across the room knocking her into the door of the fresher.</p><p>Working on instinct, she lay still on the floor letting her attacker move closer. She was effectively trapping herself. She wrenched the toilet safety frame sideways and hurled at her attacker’s kneecaps. The woman’s chin hit the edge of the sink before she fell to the floor. Ahsoka kicked the door hard and heard the crack of vertebrae snap. </p><p>She looked over to see Gungi’s scared eyes staring at her through the locked door.</p><p>The lock turned slowly. She focused her Force on keeping it locked. Slowly slowly the lock turned. Then the door slid open. </p><p>Maris entered with Gungi behind her, He was shaking from head to toe but gripped his lightsaber bravely. They stared at the dead Inquisitor. Ahsoka felt the weight of Gungi’s eyes fall upon her.</p><p>He reached out to steady her by the elbow. She turned away, unable to face him. </p><p>Maris was unfazed. “Gungi, open a window.” She locked eyes with the Guard, smiling. “So his soul can escape.”</p><p>Her hand crackled with lightning. She regarded the Guard with weary eyes, studying him like a cat watching an insect. Like she wasn’t sure if he was worth destroying.</p><p>The Spaceportal Guard flinched at the sight of Maris’ sparking hands green. “Help me, Ahsoka. Get me out of here. I’ll give you anything!”</p><p>Ahsoka shook her head mutely. </p><p>“Please help me! I have a family!”</p><p>“They will surely mourn your death,” she spoke slowly. </p><p>Maris left hand crackled pure Force energy. Her spine straightened as she shot him with lightning.</p><p>He screamed in pain as his body contorted. She struck him again. His agony echoed in the small room.</p><p>Gungi cringed but did not turn away. Maris nodded to him, the Guard was dead.</p><p>“Turn the fan on as well, please. I'd hate to set off the smoke detectors.” Her elegant sandals made no sound as she pulled the sheet off the Guard and draped it over Kip’s body.</p><p> </p><p>↹</p><p> </p><p>Walking back past the food vendors, it felt like they’d been gone for hours but it wasn’t even lunchtime.</p><p>They passed the fish monger’s stall. The fish had all stopped clingy to life. They must have all passed away while they were in the hospital. Their bright, glassy eyes were clouded; they no longer gasped against its icy bed. Soon they would be dumped in bins for animal feed; their bodies could not be sold.</p><p>As they walked back to the pier, Ahsoka felt herself shying further away from Gungi. His soft brown eyes were overcome with worry as he studied her bloody face. She kept flashing to the horrible look on his face as he watched her kill the Trandoshan Inquisitor. She had been unnecessarily brutal and she hated that he had to witness it. He loved her, and he loved Maris. </p><p>It was physically painful to meet his eyes. As her neck bent away from him, she assumed the physical posture she had seen in Rex too many years ago. How his eyes had been trained away from her. She felt ashamed.</p><p> </p><p>↹</p><p> </p><p>Ahsoka lay in the hammock, looking up at the sky through the trees. Wipolo knelt in the dirt beside her, carefully checking her face.</p><p>“I never noticed the skin on your markings is different.” </p><p>“It’s rougher.” She stubbornly wiped away her tears with a sniffle. Her face was swollen and yellow bruises were starting to form.</p><p>“It’s so velvety.” He touched her nose gingerly and she flinched. “You <em> really </em> broke this.”</p><p>“I look horrible.”</p><p>“I can fix it.” Blue-ish light sparked under his fingertips.</p><p>“It feels so - so nice. I think people would pay for this. It’s so relaxing.”</p><p>“I can’t fix people unless they’re actually hurt.”</p><p>“Everybody’s a little bit broken, right?”</p><p>His round eyes shone brightly.“I’m not broken.”</p><p>She flashed to memories of Wipolo as a teenager, dropped to his knees, clutching his head to try to block out the visions. She smiled at him. He had gotten to the other side of it. “What about when you were tortured?”</p><p>“The Knights of Ren really didn’t know what they were doing. It wasn’t that bad because I knew I could heal myself when they were done. I was more scared the first time I was hurt. I thought I was going to die and no one in my family would know. I don’t have any real ID. Harry might have had to hear about it on base and then he’d have to look through the morgue photos to find me.”</p><p>She didn’t know how to respond. She’d never had a family to feel responsible for. </p><p>“Can I ask you something?” He was already blushing. </p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>“When is the right time to have sex?”</p><p>“I thought you already had sex your first term college. That Pantoran girl who stole your chemistry books?”</p><p>“Oh, I’ve had sex but my girlfriend, Jinn, hasn’t.”</p><p>“Is she younger than you?”</p><p>“No, she’s older. That’s what concerns me. I’m - I’m worried she has it built up in her mind and it won’t be like that.”</p><p>“Do you remember Master Zey’s lesson on the Perfect Island?”</p><p>“There is no such thing as as a perfect island because any island cannot be the greatest conceivable island. For it to be the greatest conceivable island, it would have to exist, as any existent island would be greater than an imaginary one.”</p><p>“It’s almost frightening that you know that verbatim.” She grinned. “And what does it mean, in your own words?”</p><p>“It is greater to exist in reality than merely as an idea.”</p><p>“Apply that logic, young Jedi.” </p><p>“Any sex we have will be better than the sex we imagine. But I don’t know if that’s true. I’ve had plenty of sex and it wasn’t great.”</p><p>She laughed. “I thought sex was always great for men.”</p><p>“No, definitely not. What was your lesson about wind and trees? The same event can have a different effect on people.”</p><p>“I can’t believe you remember that.”</p><p>“I want her to love me.” He spoke so earnestly, her heart hurt.</p><p>“I’m sure she already does.”</p><p>He looked at her with an expression she could not decipher. “I don’t want a relationship like my parents. She’s my chance. She might be my only chance to have a life with someone who knows the truth about me. About what I am.”</p><p> </p><p>
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</p><p> </p><p>She stopped at the succulents section of the garden. It was surrounded by seashells, like a child’s sand castle. Julian liked succulents because they could exist in almost any climate and didn’t require much attention. Though a devoted scholar of galactic botany, Julian often renamed plants, placing small placards beside them. </p><p>He called out to the sturdy plants like old friends. <em> Good morning Fernado. Good evening Lucia. Hello Kelen. </em>He stated simply that it was <em>his</em> garden and he could call the plants by whatever he wished. There was even one named Oaka. She hoped it was because the plant was striped not because she could exist on nothing at all.</p><p>Ahsoka wondered how much of Julian’s life made sense to him as he was missing so much of his own plotline. So many memories wiped away over time. She wondered if he had secret names for all the people in his life. Something that made more sense than a lifetime full of holes.</p><p>She wondered what it was like for him to return to the island each time to find plants labeled in his own handwriting. Did they seem like old friends in a place where his memories were blurred into mere outlines?</p><p> </p><p>↹</p><p> </p><p>Walking up to the caretakers house felt like a trap. Light streamed through the round windows, casting the courtyard in a warm glow. Ahsoka stared at the large windows and listened to the rise and fall of voices, music. It was warm and inviting and it was not meant for her. She couldn’t bring herself to pretend like she belonged there. She shouldn’t be with Saffin’s family; enjoying their comfort, eating their food, sleeping in a soft bed and sharing the warmth of companionship. </p><p>She had hurt him. That much was certain. His wounded eyes, her name tattooed across his body. He had given himself to her long ago. She had assumed the bond had broken but he remained tied to her. She had made choices for him but lacked the courage to take ownership of the scars she’d sewn.</p><p>She stopped herself, hand on the door.</p><p>The beach seemed fierce under the moonless sky. Darkness flattened the endless smattering of shells on the beach and the clear blues of the water. The waves tore into the shoreline full of foam, endless crashing of water.</p><p>“It’s loud at night.” She spoke to the shadows. She didn’t need to turn to know he was behind her. Though she could only feel empty air around her, she could hear his feet as they sunk into the sand with every step.<br/><br/></p><p>“It seems louder because the air is cooler at night, so more of the sound waves bend towards the land because the refractive index of the air has increased with the ground cooling. At night, the sea sounds which would have gone over your head in the day are now reaching your ear - I’m boring you, aren’t I?”</p><p>“Uh-huh,” Ahsoka lied. She loved his even, soft voice so much that it made it hard to sound legitimately annoyed. “I’ve always thought how beautiful the beach is by moonlight but it’s also interesting when it gets this dark.” </p><p>“There’s less contrast.” </p><p>“Yes,” she whispered.</p><p>Saffin understood her. He always had. </p><p>There was a glass in his hand. She hoped against hope it wasn’t alcohol. Following her gaze, he passed it to her. </p><p>She sniffed it. “Apple juice?” </p><p>“My Mom always gives Mags too much juice at bedtime. He’s sleeping with me tonight so I’m motivated to limit his consumption.” </p><p>“Does he do that often? I mean, does he sleep with you?” Ahsoka longed to see the two of them tucked into bed together. Their perfect eyelashes, their perfectly wide lips. She tried not to think about the children she’d dreamed of having with Saffin. What would it have been like to put her own children to bed?</p><p>“It’s just been this year that he’s wanted to sleep at the dorms. He likes the bedtime routine there. “Zey is so great with the kids. He makes everything is a song or game. With me, brushing teeth is a battle.” </p><p>“Mags is adorable.” </p><p>“He is.” Saf finished the glass of juice. “You did the right thing today, killing that guard.” </p><p>She shook her head. “He had a family. Or at least he said he did.” </p><p>“Mom looked at his file. He was a First Order Physics Engineer. Widowed. No children. No apple farm.”</p><p>“When we were at the Temple, he was just a gardener.  He didn’t pass the trials. I liked him better when he had an apple farm.” </p><p>“You killed a bad guy, Oaka. Well done.”<br/><br/></p><p>He left her alone on the beach. She didn’t like his formal tone, his emotionless approval. It was easier when he was mad at her. She’d been wrong, his anger was nothing compared to his polite indifference.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The opening quote was inspired by Chris Marker’s Sans Soleil.</p><p>I wanted to give readers a taste of Maris as fierce character (now that we know who her father is). I also want her to be more than a nurturing maternal figure; I want her to be guardian. </p><p>Though Gungi does not hurt anyone, I don’t necessarily need him to be fearful or be scared of Ahsoka. Ahsoka is more concerned that anyone else.</p><p>I always loved the way Rex had trouble looking at Ahsoka after his chip was removed. It was so incredibly moving and sad. The way he turns away from her was incredible- so full of emotion.</p><p>The bit about the island is where the name for the island originated. Searching for pictures of islands, I stumbled across Gaulino of Martoutiers. I think what Maris is doing with the school is not at all dissimilar to what Dooku did. In another one of my other stories, a more recent parallel is revealed.</p><p>This chapter was difficult to write - fight scenes don’t come easily to me. I used the apartment fight scene in Bourne Identity as inspiration. </p><p>Thank you to Kitepiper for fight scene guidance!</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Who said that time heals all wounds? It would be better to say that time heals everything except wounds. With time, the hurt of separation loses its real limits. With time, the desired body will soon disappear, and if the desiring body has already ceased to exist for the other, then what remains is a wound disembodied.</b>
</p><p>Maris was at the dining room table checking a stack of new royal blue beach towels, each embroidered with a student’s name. She smiled at Ahsoka warmly. "I always had towels with my name on them growing up. I thought it might be nice for the school."</p><p>In a flash of insight, it occurred to Ahsoka that she probably didn't know her friend's real name. If her children didn't use their given names, what was the chance that their Mother did?  Over the years, Ahsoka had used false names, code names, she had been called commander, padawan, Snips. Embroidering a name on a towel seemed like an arbitrary gesture, like choosing a favorite color. Something that might change like the weather.</p><p>Maris held up an unmarked towel. “Any ideas on a name for the Chiss boy?”</p><p>“Not yet.”</p><p>“That group is having a hard time, aren’t they?” Maris didn’t pause folding, taking care to check the stitching. She used small scissors to clip off loose threads. </p><p>“It’s to be expected. They witnessed a lot of death.”</p><p>Ahsoka was surprised to see a towel bearing her name. There were towels for Winne, Wipolo, Mags and Saffin. </p><p>“No Harry?”</p><p>Maris continue tucking in corners. “He’s supposed to be here today with his girlfriend. And perhaps Wipolo’s girlfriend. Oh, you meant the towels. No, I don’t know how long Harry will stay. No towel for him. Despite all my arguments, he seems determined to remain on Ajan Kloss.” Maris sounded cross but Ahsoka knew that Harry was her favorite. He was focused like his Mother, willful and steady.  </p><p>“Do you want a drink?”</p><p>“I thought you didn’t have alcohol on the island because of -” Ahsoka didn’t finish the sentence. <em> Because of Saffin. </em></p><p>Maris poured a half glass of light green liquid and slid it over to Ahsoka.” I keep a stash for Master Averross. He can get testy.”</p><p>Ahsoka took a sniff. “Whew. That’s a bit rough.”</p><p>“It’s made from 17 types of herbs.” She took a long sip. “It’s like getting kicked in the tongue.”</p><p>Ahsoka winced as she took a small drink. “My gods, that’s some prison-style booze.” She marveled at the elegant bottle, wondering how much the swill cost. </p><p>Maris tried not to wince at the taste. “It <em> does </em> say it can be used for medicinal purposes.” </p><p>Ahsoka read from the label. “It can be used to remove odors or as an all-purpose cleaner.”</p><p>“How versatile.”</p><p>“Are you sure we’re supposed to drink it?”</p><p>“It came with shot glasses.” Maris shrugged. “Anyway, I’m on my second glass.”</p><p>Ahsoka sat down, toying with the unmarked towel. </p><p>“Maris, is your family living on the island permanently?” </p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“What changed?”</p><p>“My Father killed my Mother. This was the safest place to live.”</p><p>“How did he kill her?”</p><p>“I’m not sure. He took her from the symphony. That’s all I know.”</p><p>“I’m - I’m sorry.” Ahsoka didn’t know much about Maris’ mother. There had been hints at a vast fortune and a distant relationship. </p><p>“My Mother had a long, beautiful life; she was very happy. She went to the opera, the orchestra, fashion shows. It was the life that suited her.” By her tone, Ahsoka could tell that these were <em>not </em> things that suited Maris.</p><p>“It’s strange. All these years, I don’t know much about your life outside of this island.”</p><p>Maris studied her, not answering. She knew there were things her friend would never tell her. </p><p>“My Mother left my Father before I was born.” Maris took a sip, then held the green liquid up to the light. “My parents had an elaborate plan to run away together.”</p><p>“They were in love?”</p><p>“They were in something. She was pregnant with me and it became clear that he was a monster. She watched him engineer the deaths of others and realized he would end her life the second he lost interest in her. She wiped out their savings in less than an hour - less time than it took for her to do her hair. And then turned her theft into an astonishing fortune.” </p><p>Ahsoka remembered Rael’s words. “And the island? Did <em> she </em> buy it for you?” </p><p>“The island was my Master’s idea. In his final weeks, he had had a vision of an island where I could always be safe. Where my children and grandchildren could hide away from my Father and the dangers of the galaxy. Searching for distant islands had made our last hours together magical. When we found Gaulino Island, we planned out every detail together. What terraces would look like, how to restore all the structures the Wookiee Monks had built, the dormitory’s hand-painted blue floor tiles, and vaulted ceilings. How to modernize the property to be solar and wind-powered with no wastewater.”</p><p>“Gaulino Island is my favorite place in the galaxy.”</p><p>Maris gave her a blurry smile. “My Master wanted the Island to be a refuge for lost Jedi, survivors of the coming slaughter of the Jedi Order. But I didn’t know how I would find them.” She patted Ahsoka’s hand absently. “I didn’t know that you would be the one to bring the survivors to me. <em> You </em> are the key to all of this.”</p><p>“You built all of this <em> not </em> knowing if anyone would use it?”</p><p>“I had faith in my Master. He is never wrong.”</p><p>Maris looked down at the garden, seeing Julian carrying a basket of weeds for the compost. He looked up at them and waved happily.  </p><p>“Gods, he’s so lovely.” Maris murmured. “Thank you for what you did in Wartaki yesterday. I’ve never killed anyone before. I mean, not directly.”</p><p>She walked out without another word, leaving Ahsoka holding the bottle of wretched green alcohol. She hid the bottle in a potted plant and rinsed out the glasses in the sink. </p><p>Her bare feet were cooled by the tile floor as she padded down to her bedroom. The rooms were open, dark, and silent. As Ahsoka was changing from her swimsuit into a tank top and leggings, two very strange thoughts occurred to her. The first was that Maris’ master had known about the coming Jedi purge. He had planned on it, planned around it. Her Jedi Master had known about the coming deaths of thousands and did nothing to protect the order from it.</p><p>The second thing that had struck her as odd was that Maris had spoken of her Master in the present tense. </p><p> </p><p>↹<br/><br/></p><p>Ahsoka wandered down to the beach where Zey sat in the sand. His silver hair was topped by a crown of seaweed. </p><p>“Looking good, Master Zey. What are you the King of today?”</p><p>“I’m King of the Ocean and all the sea creatures. At least, that’s what they tell me.” He gestured at the older children playing at the water’s edge with training blades. </p><p>Ahsoka plopped down next to him, watching the children sparr. </p><p>He sniffed at her. “Are you drunk?”</p><p>“No. I’m medicated.”</p><p>“Oh yes, I know that particular smell. Best used for cleaning boots, in my opinion. Rael loves it.”</p><p>Ahsoka picked tiny shells out of the sand. “Did you ever know Stass Allie?”</p><p>“Of course. She was wonderful.”</p><p>“Katooni looks a lot like her.” </p><p>“Yes.” Zey nodded. “She does look quite a bit like her. It's been so long, I can’t remember how Stass died.”</p><p>“She was shot down by her own troops on Saleucami.”<br/><br/>They watched as Katooni savagely attacked Petro, spinning around to kick him in the back of the knees before pushing his face into the sand. She turned and went after Zatt who bravely tried to block her. She reigned blow upon blow down on him. He was a technical fighter but her sheer speed was no match for him. She knocked the training saber out of his hand and touched her blade to his forehead.<br/><br/></p><p>“And you’re dead, Zatt.” Katooni sang out triumphantly.</p><p>Zey bumped Ahsoka’s shoulder playfully “You’re worried about <b>her </b>going out into the galaxy?’</p><p>“Aren’t you?”</p><p>“What would your Master say about that?”<br/><br/></p><p>Ahsoka didn’t like voluntarily thinking about what Anakin would or would not say. She didn’t want him to be a cornerstone to her soul. It was hard to acknowledge to anyone that it was<em> his </em> training that had kept her alive, that he had shaped her instincts and ability to react. She didn’t want to honor him. She didn’t want to owe him anything.<br/><br/></p><p>“C’mon, a flighty thing like you. He must have had a thing or two to say about anxiety.”</p><p>She sighed. “He’d say calm down, Ahsoka.”</p><p>“So calm down.”</p><p>And she heard it, plain as day. His voice was loud and low. <b>Calm down, Snips!</b></p><p>
  <b>I wish I’d left when you did. </b>
</p><p>“What was that?” Ahsoka whispered back to Anakin’s voice.</p><p>Zey looked at her kindly. “I said. I wish I’d left when you did. I knew Clones were being executed by the Republic and I didn’t speak up. And then it was the Clones that saved me. He shook his head. “They were good men. Good souls.”</p><p>She looked at him, his green eyes were slightly different colors. The lighter one, she remembered, was the real color. The darker one had sustained damage when he had been frozen in carbonite. </p><p> </p><p>↹ </p><p> </p><p>A tall young man with sun-streaked brown hair stood knee-deep in the water staring out at the seastacks. The waves were slowly lapping at the hem of his pink shorts. He was better looking than any man needed to be with broad shoulders and an easy smile. Not that he was smiling. </p><p>Ahsoka expected Harry to hug her but he stood his ground with his hands on his hips.<br/><br/>He glared at her. “Oh my gods, what the hell are you doing here?”<br/><br/>“It’s nice to see you too, Harry.”</p><p>“It’s been seven years.” He enunciated the words like he was speaking to a confused child.</p><p>“<em>Almost </em>seven,” she snapped back.</p><p>Harry raised his eyebrows expectedly. “So, are you going to say <em> something </em> about what you did?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“To Saffin.”</p><p>“I didn’t <em> do </em> anything.”</p><p>Oh, that’s right, you didn’t do shit.” </p><p>“Harry!”</p><p>“You didn’t do the onething you were supposed to do which was to fucking <em> show up on Iloh </em>.”</p><p>“Saf and I weren’t engaged or anything. We hadn’t made any promises to each other.”</p><p>“You’re kidding me, right? Since when in the hell does my brother have to say the word <em> promise </em> in order to be committed?”</p><p>She ground her toes into the sand to steady herself. She hadn’t been prepared for his reaction. </p><p>“My brother is the most selfless person I have ever known.”</p><p>“Your brother went to rehab three times before he was 20. He was a junkie.” She didn’t care how mean her voice sounded. </p><p>Harry stared down at her. “What’s your best guess as to why my gentle-hearted, academic brother was high all the time?”</p><p>She matched his scowl. “Because he liked drugs.”</p><p>“And why do you think that was? Any guesses?”</p><p>She paused. He’d stumped her. “I don’t know. The drugs never made sense to me. The voices?”</p><p>“Yes, the constant voices and the visions. He can divert our share of it. He absorbs our end of it until his consciousness is overwhelmed with my Grandfather’s constant barrage of shittiness.”</p><p>“That’s what Winnie meant.”</p><p>“He absorbs our share of my Grandfather's daily bullshit meditations until it makes him physically sick. He shouldn’t do it but he does. If I had exams or Wipolo needed a break, he’d take away our burden without us even having to ask. He’s probably doing it right now and I can’t even tell.”</p><p>She sat down in the water, staring up at him. “I had no idea.”</p><p>Harry’s expression softened for a moment and then closed back off. She could tell he had bottled up this anger for years. He was entitled to it.</p><p>“I wasn’t sure about our relationship,” she said slowly. “I thought maybe it was just sex”</p><p>“No, you didn’t.” </p><p>She didn’t know what to say.</p><p>“And since when does sex matter? Having sex with someone doesn’t matter!”</p><p>Ahsoka was silent. </p><p>“Saf waited for you on Iloh for a year. Did you know that? Getting high and waiting around that hotel for you to show up. I was the one who had to finally go get him because the motel maids were getting sick of cleaning up after him. I was closest so I had to go in the middle of final exams. Saf was drunk and crying the whole flight because he didn’t want to leave in case you showed up. He threw up on my lap. He had to stay with me until Mom could arrange to come get him. I got a 92 on my Optical Engineering final. That’s the lowest grade I have ever received in my entire life!”</p><p>“Is that when -” Her voice trembled with uncertainty. </p><p>“I walked in on him with my physics tutor who was apparently a total junkie.”</p><p>“Was that his girlfriend?”</p><p>“They were never a couple. How the fuck do you <em> not </em>know this?” Harry shook his head in disbelief. “I’m guessing you don’t know how she died either.”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“By some miracle, she stayed clean during the majority of the pregnancy but she OD’d in the bathroom while we were all out to dinner for Saf’s birthday. Mags was two months old.”</p><p>“Oh gods, I’m sorry.”</p><p>“It was <em>so </em> shockingly awful, sometimes the memory doesn’t seem real. We had to carry her to the car because Mom didn’t want the paper trail of calling an ambulance. Saffin and I were giving her mouth to mouth and Wipolo was driving. He didn’t even know how to turn on the headlights. My mom had to mind-wipe about 3 dozen people at the restaurant including my Dad, as usual. He <em> still </em> asks what happened to Sienna which is so extraordinarily awful for Mags.”</p><p>“I’m so sorry.”</p><p>“Did you tell Saf that? That you’re sorry? Have you even talked to him?”</p><p>“We’ve talked. I just - I didn’t know things were so bad.” She signed, sadly. </p><p>“Ahsoka, he has your name tattooed on his body.”</p><p>“That was on Iloh, when I didn’t show up.”</p><p>Harry closed his eyes, overwhelmed. He exhaled his frustration slowly. “Oaka, that was the first one. He’s gotten a tattoo of your name in a different language every year.”<br/><br/></p><p>Tears filled her eyes. A wave knocked her off balance and Harry reached out to steady her.</p><p>“I had no idea.”</p><p>“He still loves you, Oaka.” </p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Why is it so impossible to believe that he cares about you?”</p><p>Tears slid down her cheeks, into her mouth “Because nobody else does. And they never have.” </p><p>“Yes, they have. But you don’t count them because they died or failed you or disappeared! Love is <em>still </em> love even if it ends in a fucked up mess!”</p><p>“Stop being angry at me!”</p><p>“I’ll stop being angry when <em> you </em>stop disappearing!” He glared at her. </p><p>“I’m sorry.” She caught his eye, she needed to make him understand.</p><p>“I wanted you to be my sister. I wanted you to be where we could find you.” Harry let out a strange sound like an injured animal. “I missed you so much.”</p><p>“I missed you too.” </p><p>“You didn’t just leave Saf, you left us.” He hugged her hard, his strong arms pulling her close. “We need you. I need you.”</p><p>Wipolo waded up behind them, his long legs sloshing through the waves. “Why’s Oaka crying?”</p><p>She smiled at him with tears in her eyes. “Because I’m so stupid.” </p><p>He puts an arm around her shoulder. “We’re all dumb about stuff. I wonder if I could heal your brain. That’d be so cool.”</p><p>Harry took her by the hand. “Let’s go find Saffin.”</p><p>“Now?!”</p><p>“Yes now! Gods, Ahsoka!”</p><p>They walked up the steps, she struggled to keep up with him.</p><p>“Wipolo says you have a girlfriend. Singular not plural.”</p><p>“She isn’t a <em> girlfriend </em> . She’s <em> my person</em>. If I was separated from her, I would get her name tattooed on me. So on the day I died, someone would know she is the one I love the most.”</p><p>“What does your mom think of your girlfriend?”</p><p>“They haven’t met yet. Oh and don’t tell my mom I said that about the tattoo. She’d really flip out.”</p><p> </p><p>↹</p><p> </p><p>Harry had gone to look in the dorms while Ahsoka went to the Caretaker’s house. She found Maris and Winnie on the balcony overlooking the beach. They poured Ahsoka a tall glass of iced mint tea with lemon. Tiny grains of raw sugar clung to the ice. She squinted down at the beach where a red-haired woman wearing hospital scrubs stood at the water’s edge, hugging her arms across her chest.</p><p>“Oh my gods, who’s that?”</p><p>“Is that Harry’s girlfriend?” Winnie shrieked.</p><p>“I sure hope not.” Ahsoka looked through the binoculars just in time to see Wipolo sweep the pretty woman into a close embrace. </p><p>“Is she covered in <em> blood </em>?”</p><p>“I do believe so.” Ahsoka nodded.</p><p>“That’s odd.”</p><p>“She’s a healer. She works at a medical station somewhere. Wipolo says she can’t heal everyone.” Winnie recited, trying to sound authoritative. “But sometimes people just bleed to death.”</p><p><em> “Wipolo </em> said that?”</p><p>“Word for word.” </p><p>“That’s very odd.” Ahsoka had always found it mildly irritating that Maris’ children could recall a conversation verbatim. It was rarely helpful. </p><p>“Wipolo is an incredibly attuned Force User.” Maris’ voice sounded hollow. “So this woman is bound to be a bit off.” </p><p>Ahsoka squinted at Maris. She was nervous to meet her son’s girlfriends. <em> How very interesting. </em> <em><br/></em><br/>“Can I see?” Winnie grabbed the binoculars. “Oh my gods, they’re kissing!  They’re kissing! She’s shorter than thought she’d be. Where’s Harry’s girlfriend?”<em><br/></em></p><p>Harry filed the doorframe. A goofy smile was plastered on his face. Maris smiled at her handsome son. “Oh, there you are.”</p><p>The curtains parted and a petite young woman with a regal bearing fixed her eyes on Maris. She wore a long white dress and a massive sapphire bracelet.</p><p>She immediately locked eyes with Maris. “Oh my gods, it’s you.”<br/><br/>Maris looked like she’d seen a ghost.</p><p><em> “You’re </em> his mother?” The woman’s low voice was a contrast to her angelic appearance. </p><p>Ahsoka was stunned. She recognized the woman instantly. Leia Organa’s long brown hair and dark eyes had not changed since they’d last met, decades ago. </p><p>Maris’ voice didn’t rise above a whisper. “You cannot be Harry’s girlfriend. You’re dead.” </p><p>“Yes, I am dead.” Leia answered sharply. “And you’re one of the worst people I have ever met in my life. And that was <em> before </em> I knew who your father was.”</p><p>Maris looked away.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The opening quote is from Chris Marker’s La Jetée. It always felt like it was one of the defining passages in the film, one that stunned me. Years roll by and I’m still working through the meaning of it.</p><p>This was one of the first chapters I wrote. Harry and Ahsoka’s confrontation gets to the heart of her actions in such a direct way.</p><p>Harry’s character is fleshed out in another story - flawed and desperate in his own way. I never wanted him to be lovable like Saffin or endearing like Wipolo. He and Winnie are the ones who feel most limited by their abilities. I liked the idea of an adept Force User who didn’t want to pursue career using those skills. He is an astronatics engineer working for The Resistance.</p><p>I don’t know if I’m ruining the story with this chapter. I hope not.</p><p>It’s probably worth mentioning that this chapter and the next are inspired by Warlight by Michael Ondaatje.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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